OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[SnowblindNYR]

If that’s the case then I’d say go for it!

I agree with Roo about the co worker part though. That could lead to stuff down the road. But it could end up with no problems of course

At the same time one of my best friends married his coworker and has two kids. BTW, don't take that as me making marriage plans just saying sometimes coworkers hit it off romantically.

 

[Taluss]

At the same time one of my best friends married his coworker and has two kids. BTW, don't take that as me making marriage plans just saying sometimes coworkers hit it off romantically.

For sure! Not like it’s a death sentence to date a co worker. But yeah if stuff does fall though it can get pretty bad.

Id say go down there, meet her and go from there.

 

[DialUp]

At the same time one of my best friends married his coworker and has two kids. BTW, don't take that as me making marriage plans just saying sometimes coworkers hit it off romantically.

My dumb opinion based on what *I* would do: go to DR only if I wanted to go there to begin with regardless of being summoned by a *potential* date.

Life should include risks and adventures, of course! Personally, though, I would weigh the scope of what the likely negative experience would be vs the scope of what the likely positive one would be. Only you and this woman know what is the most likely outcome either way, and right now it doesn't seem like you know what her side it thinking. So gauge accordingly and figure out your tolerance. Odds she falls in love at sight? Of course low, what you can't know is what she will think. How would you react if you immediately realize it was a mistake? What would your plan be then? Maybe it's somewhere in the middle! Maybe not!

DR can be very fun, but it's still a ~4 hour plane ride and hotel stay away.

I wouldn't think of it it terms of "what do I have to lose".

 

[Roo Returns]

Well I'd go to the DR for myself and then meet up with her. So I wouldn't just come to stay with her. Doesn't need to be more awkward than needed to be.

Just be sure you have stuff to do there and it doesn't revolve around her solely, and also your hotel situation and if you're staying with her.

One of the reasons my trip to Seattle last fall was so much fun was because unlike the trip/city to visit a woman, I had a lot of stuff to do and the trip itinerary was full.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

My dumb opinion based on what *I* would do: go to DR only if I wanted to go there to begin with regardless of being summoned by a *potential* date.

Life should include risks and adventures, of course! Personally, though, I would weigh the scope of what the likely negative experience would be vs the scope of what the likely positive one would be. Only you and this woman know what is the most likely outcome either way, and right now it doesn't seem like you know what her side it thinking. So gauge accordingly and figure out your tolerance. Odds she falls in love at sight? Of course low, what you can't know is what she will think. How would you react if you immediately realize it was a mistake? What would your plan be then? Maybe it's somewhere in the middle! Maybe not!

DR can be very fun, but it's still a ~4 hour plane ride and hotel stay away.

I wouldn't think of it it terms of "what do I have to lose".

Hmmm, interesting though not being sure on her end I feel like you can never be sure on her end. I do feel like I'm getting some flirting on her side and it seems even obvious for someone that isn't great at reading this kind of thing.

 

[DialUp]

Hmmm, interesting though not being sure on her end I feel like you can never be sure on her end. I do feel like I'm getting some flirting on her side and it seems even obvious for someone that isn't great at reading this kind of thing.

Absolutely you can't be sure unless you were told explicitly AND in person behavior matched her words. You won't know until (or unless) you know. What I am saying is, if she ISN'T thinking of you that way, or you get turned off, whats your plan? And would that worst case plan salvage a trip to DR?

I was notoriously a terrible judge of flirting when I was younger, ESPECIALLY with co workers in both being right and wrong scenarios; what makes you think your read is a hit this time? You don't have to answer here, just something to think about too. If this was a woman even a drive away, then none of this comes into play, but you are talking international trip here.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Absolutely you can't be sure unless you were told explicitly AND in person behavior matched her words. You won't know until (or unless) you know. What I am saying is, if she ISN'T thinking of you that way, or you get turned off, whats your plan? And would that worst case plan salvage a trip to DR?

I was notoriously a terrible judge of flirting when I was younger, ESPECIALLY with co workers in both being right and wrong scenarios; what makes you think your read is a hit this time? You don't have to answer here, just something to think about too. If this was a woman even a drive away, then none of this comes into play, but you are talking international trip here.

Sure, but I'm considering just making the trip for the trip's sake and making her just part of the trip. I need to go vacation anyway since work's been a grind. As far as what makes me sure now? It's just kind of slightly more sexual than usual and my friends who I've shared the messages with unanimously agree. I think there's a possibility she's flirting for fun and knowing that I live in the US it's basically flirting without me likely trying something physical, so no risk involved. That said she HAS invited me to come so that may be not true either.

 

[DialUp]

Sure, but I'm considering just making the trip for the trip's sake and making her just part of the trip. I need to go vacation anyway since work's been a grind. As far as what makes me sure now? It's just kind of slightly more sexual than usual and my friends who I've shared the messages with unanimously agree. I think there's a possibility she's flirting for fun and knowing that I live in the US it's basically flirting without me likely trying something physical, so no risk involved. That said she HAS invited me to come so that may be not true either.

Be safe and have fun then! My brother just got back from a bachelor party there, said he loved like a king for cheap, snorkeling and fishing and good food.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Be safe and have fun then! My brother just got back from a bachelor party there, said he loved like a king for cheap, snorkeling and fishing and good food.

Thanks.

 

[NCRanger]

@SnowblindNYR, I'm going to go against everyone else and tell you unequivocally NO. Just NO.

You go down there are there are five things that could happen.

1. You meet each other and have a fun time as friendly co-workers and that's it. The chances of that happening are at maybe 10%.

2. You meet each other and nothing. She gets agitated, you get frustrated, the work relationship sours. This might be okay, because you may only get nicked by the bullet that got fired. Chances of this - 25%.

3. Same as 2, but she thinks you are a "threat" to her and a sexual harassment charge is sent to HR. NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAID TO YOU, YOU will be held 100% responsible and at best, you get moved, at worst, you are fired. Chances of this - 30%. This happened to a co-worker of mine and ever since, he's had a giant target on his back. No promotions, bad teams, bad assignments, and completely unrealistic performance expectations.

4. Same as 3, but there is instant chemistry. Things progress beyond "work friends" away from work. Alcohol is involved. Three weeks later, HR informs you that inapropriateness happened with a co-worker. You now have a nightmare on your hands. - Chances of this 30%

5. Things go perfectly and nothing negative results - maybe 5%.

Weigh your options. You just got this job after a massive seach without a lot of luck. Don't **** with that.

 

[Crease]

Agree with above. Not worth it. Let it be a source of confidence (“co-worker thinks I’m cute”) and move on.

 

[Boris Zubov]

Don't shit where you eat. Not worth it.

 

[I Eat Crow]

@SnowblindNYR, I'm going to go against everyone else and tell you unequivocally NO. Just NO.

You go down there are there are five things that could happen.

1. You meet each other and have a fun time as friendly co-workers and that's it. The chances of that happening are at maybe 10%.

2. You meet each other and nothing. She gets agitated, you get frustrated, the work relationship sours. This might be okay, because you may only get nicked by the bullet that got fired. Chances of this - 25%.

3. Same as 2, but she thinks you are a "threat" to her and a sexual harassment charge is sent to HR. NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAID TO YOU, YOU will be held 100% responsible and at best, you get moved, at worst, you are fired. Chances of this - 30%. This happened to a co-worker of mine and ever since, he's had a giant target on his back. No promotions, bad teams, bad assignments, and completely unrealistic performance expectations.

4. Same as 3, but there is instant chemistry. Things progress beyond "work friends" away from work. Alcohol is involved. Three weeks later, HR informs you that inapropriateness happened with a co-worker. You now have a nightmare on your hands. - Chances of this 30%

5. Things go perfectly and nothing negative results - maybe 5%.

Weigh your options. You just got this job after a massive seach without a lot of luck. Don't **** with that.

Or option #6, she agrees to meet up, but it's a set up and you meet her brothers and cousins instead and they rob you for everything you have. I've heard of some bad stuff go down in the DR. I'll be the second contrarian, stay away. If she comes to the US and she wants to meet up, fine. But do it on your home turf.

 

[Boris Zubov]

Or option #6, she agrees to meet up, but it's a set up and you meet her brothers and cousins instead and they rob you for everything you have. I've heard of some bad stuff go down in the DR. I'll be the second contrarian, stay away. If she comes to the US and she wants to meet up, fine. But do it on your home turf.

You were on track until you said if she comes to visit NYC they can meet up. Still not worth it. This isn't going anywhere long term, so why risk the potential fallout. Unless he hates his job, doesn't care about the risks & says F&ck It, who cares!....anything short of that, open a new browser window & click your favorite porn site for the evening. Instant gratification comes in many forms.

 

[I Eat Crow]

You were on track until you said if she comes to visit NYC they can meet up. Still not worth it. This isn't going anywhere long term, so why risk the potential fallout. Unless he hates his job, doesn't care about the risks & says F&ck It, who cares!....anything short of that, open a new browser window & click your favorite porn site for the evening. Instant gratification comes in many forms.

I'm not worried about that as much as I would be worried about him putting himself in a bad position where his safety may come into question.

If it works out, however slim it may be, they just be up front with HR and say that they are in a relationship and that will be that. That's only really an issue if one party is a subordinate to the other, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

 

[will1066]

Or option #6, she agrees to meet up, but it's a set up and you meet her brothers and cousins instead and they rob you for everything you have. I've heard of some bad stuff go down in the DR. I'll be the second contrarian, stay away. If she comes to the US and she wants to meet up, fine. But do it on your home turf.

A setup played in my mind, though I didn't want to scare the dude.

 

[Taluss]

@SnowblindNYR, I'm going to go against everyone else and tell you unequivocally NO. Just NO.

You go down there are there are five things that could happen.

1. You meet each other and have a fun time as friendly co-workers and that's it. The chances of that happening are at maybe 10%.

2. You meet each other and nothing. She gets agitated, you get frustrated, the work relationship sours. This might be okay, because you may only get nicked by the bullet that got fired. Chances of this - 25%.

3. Same as 2, but she thinks you are a "threat" to her and a sexual harassment charge is sent to HR. NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAID TO YOU, YOU will be held 100% responsible and at best, you get moved, at worst, you are fired. Chances of this - 30%. This happened to a co-worker of mine and ever since, he's had a giant target on his back. No promotions, bad teams, bad assignments, and completely unrealistic performance expectations.

4. Same as 3, but there is instant chemistry. Things progress beyond "work friends" away from work. Alcohol is involved. Three weeks later, HR informs you that inapropriateness happened with a co-worker. You now have a nightmare on your hands. - Chances of this 30%

5. Things go perfectly and nothing negative results - maybe 5%.

Weigh your options. You just got this job after a massive seach without a lot of luck. Don't **** with that.

Jeez negative much. Your %s are way off to the point instead of laughable it’s just sad

Considering what he’s said about her #1 is much much more likely to happen. More like 70%

Why are they getting agitated and fustrated in #2? Why can’t it just be mutual acceptance?

3 is ridiculous and very low chance of happening unless she’s…. Way off and he doesn’t realize it. But again from what he’s said it seems like she’s a nice person

4 is possible but % is way too high

5 is 2nd most likely probably.

Frankly only thing I agree with is it’s risky cuz she’s a co worker.

 

[Kocur26]

Dusting this thread off. So a coworker of mine lives in the Dominican Republic. We were always friendly but a few weeks ago she gave me her number (it was for work). Lately we've talked a lot and it's been super flirty. This is coming from a guy that a) doesn't know how to flirt and b) can't always tell if I'm being flirted with. But it's pretty unambiguous. But of course this stuff only happens with girls that are unattainable. She has been inviting me to the DR. I'm legit considering it, haha. I wish I could bottle up whatever I have here and use it on girls in NYC.

Is there a way to go on business -rather than Personal?
Was the invite sincere?

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I'm not worried about that as much as I would be worried about him putting himself in a bad position where his safety may come into question.

If it works out, however slim it may be, they just be up front with HR and say that they are in a relationship and that will be that. That's only really an issue if one party is a subordinate to the other, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

No one's subordinate to anyone here. That is true.

Jeez negative much. Your %s are way off to the point instead of laughable it’s just sad

Considering what he’s said about her #1 is much much more likely to happen. More like 70%

Why are they getting agitated and fustrated in #2? Why can’t it just be mutual acceptance?

3 is ridiculous and very low chance of happening unless she’s…. Way off and he doesn’t realize it. But again from what he’s said it seems like she’s a nice person

4 is possible but % is way too high

5 is 2nd most likely probably.

Frankly only thing I agree with is it’s risky cuz she’s a co worker.

Because I'm not very assertive in the dating scene I think #1 is easily the most likely to happen. I come there and lose my nerve and we just hang out.

 

[Boris Zubov]

No one's subordinate to anyone here. That is true.



Because I'm not very assertive in the dating scene I think #1 is easily the most likely to happen. I come there and lose my nerve and we just hang out.

So why bother risking anything at all? We are all probably overstating the consequences, but why take the chance? Don't pee in the company pond.

 

[Lindberg Cheese]

Amber Heard is my spirit animal

 

[Boris Zubov]

Jeez negative much. Your %s are way off to the point instead of laughable it’s just sad

Considering what he’s said about her #1 is much much more likely to happen. More like 70%

Why are they getting agitated and fustrated in #2? Why can’t it just be mutual acceptance?

3 is ridiculous and very low chance of happening unless she’s…. Way off and he doesn’t realize it. But again from what he’s said it seems like she’s a nice person

4 is possible but % is way too high

5 is 2nd most likely probably.

Frankly only thing I agree with is it’s risky cuz she’s a co worker.

Sorry, but have you paid attention lately to the news...me too, etc? People are f***ing crazy these days. You have NO IDEA who you're working with or interacting with on a daily basis....especially if you work with them remotely. You can't trust anyone to claim to be who they say they are in today's world, that's just the sad reality of the times we live.

 

[Taluss]

Sorry, but have you paid attention lately to the news...me too, etc? People are f***ing crazy these days. You have NO IDEA who you're working with or interacting with on a daily basis....especially if you work with them remotely. You can't trust anyone to claim to be who they say they are in today's world, that's just the sad reality of the times we live.

He’s not going there to sleep with the f***ing girl and stay at her house the full time. It would literally probably end up being a couple meet ups at dinner a couple times.

Unless she’s seriously crazy and he’s missing a ton of red flags I don’t see an issue here. A risk, sure. But not an issue.

 

[Boris Zubov]

He’s not going there to sleep with the f***ing girl and stay at her house the full time. It would literally probably end up being a couple meet ups at dinner a couple times.

Unless she’s seriously crazy and he’s missing a ton of red flags I don’t see an issue here. A risk, sure. But not an issue.

Whether he moves in with her or bangs her once, there's risk involved. The world is off its axis...women can claim harassment for looking at them cross-eyed. Instead of pissing in the company pool & exposing himself to tons of consequences, why not take his chances with the plethora of local NYC women who are willing & available. (caveat, I'm well aware that he's been down on his dating luck....doesn't change my stance here...pornhub is a better option).

 

[SnowblindNYR]

He’s not going there to sleep with the f***ing girl and stay at her house the full time. It would literally probably end up being a couple meet ups at dinner a couple times.

Unless she’s seriously crazy and he’s missing a ton of red flags I don’t see an issue here. A risk, sure. But not an issue.

If it's only going to be dinner where's the risk? I mean it would be nice to see if it could evolve into anything. I don't see the big deal. Literally every girl can be a "metoo" case. Sure it's a little riskier when it's a coworker but meh, it's a job not my life.