OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[will1066]

Hey guys, im in need of some advice here on a girl that i met....
This girl works for a pr company that does PR events for us. I met her and was completely open about my depression issues and how therapy helped to change all of that and blah blah as our first conversation. The next night after an awards dinner, she comes up to me afterwards and wants to know more about me. We get into a great convo and i bring up an embarressing story of me being in vegas and thought i was getting hit on by a girl who later turned out to be a prostitute lol. But she then asked in the middle, "was she blond" Which is the haircolor that the girl im talking to has. We end up smoking a joint in nyc and walking around, singing in the streets. After we went to a bar and talked about everything and nothing at the same time, weve been through the same things, we danced at the bar, we have a tremendous, physical, mental and emotional connection. i give her my number and say she can call or text me anytime, ill be there for her. She then goes on to tell me how "Im the only one she feels she can be 100% herself with, how she made a big mistake, how she shouldn't have said yes to be engaged, she isnt happy, why couldnt she have met me 3 years ago, where have i been all her life" all verbetum. I asked her if she was happy and she said no, she said yes to make him happy. They moved to be closer to her parents for support bc he is an addict as well. We almost kissed several times that night but i pushed away bc i didnt want to be the guy who forces her out, she needs to make that decision on her own. And then she pushed me away saying she isnt that type of girl, that when she is with someone, she is only with them.
After we went to a karoake bar where we sang and talked more. At the end of the night, 4am by now, neither of us wanted the night to end. I asked if we could hangout in the lobby and just talk, she told me she didnt trust herself, then i asked if i could walk her home bc im old school and we are in the city. She tell me again she doesnt trust herself. We said good night and i asked her to text me when she got back. She never did. She went home and i have yet to hear from her. I know leaving a toxic relationship takes time especially since she is engaged and has alot to figure out.

I really like this girl and its not like im asking her to marry me lol. I just dont want her to marry him, and maybe go for a walk, or a date...

Right now its been a few weeks since the event and i want to reach out just to let her know that im thinking of her and to plant the seed a litte more.

I know its wrong but i cant figure out why else would we be put in each others lives.

I dont have her number and obviously i shouldnt reach out bc she needs space to figure her life out, but i want to just send a friendly email such as:

"Hi,

I wanted to reach out and say hi, hope all is well. Been thinking about what an amazing personb you are and what a great time i had meeting you.. Happy holidays.

If you happen to come up to my neck of the woods, id love to show you the tree.."

Help guys and girls, i need some advice here

I've had a lot of these fun but ultimately platonic nights through work functions. From my experience, they don't have much meaning after the fact. They're in a different mindset when they have their professional hats on; they're supposed to be "on" during work events and that's probably why you got to talking with her so easily because they're in a heightened state of attentiveness and you served as a mental escape during that time. You'd probably wouldn't have the same chance of talking and connecting with her in a non-professional setting. Still, it's a toss-up. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

[will1066]

Bump

Keep love alive.

 

[RosensRug]

Removed

 

[Boris Zubov]

Considering seeing a therapist after getting out of a long, drawn out, abusive relationship. I don't know where to start in this kind of search. I really just think having someone to talk to about all of the stuff that happened over the course of 5 years will help bring me to a better mental state of mind. My friends have heard it all and I'm sure probably don't want to hear anymore of my venting.

Anyone been through something similar and had success ?

I have a friend who's currently in a similar relationship so I don't have a success story to share, but I do want to say you're doing the right thing by first extricating yourself from that situation & by seeking professional help. Men are taught to "man up", "get over it" or "move on to the next one", but it's not always that simple. Kudos to you for taking this seriously.

 

[LokiDog]

If I can do it, so can you guys

 

[RosensRug]

Removed

 

[New York RKY]

Well folks, as of this weekend I’m officially a married man.

We aren’t doing a honeymoon immediately but I’m looking for some suggestions of places we can go where we won’t have a bunch of places still shut down because of COVID.

 

[will1066]

If I can do it, so can you guys

Congratulations.

 

[Boris Zubov]

If I can do it, so can you guysView attachment 489183 View attachment 489184 View attachment 489185 View attachment 489186 View attachment 489187

Great pics. Looks like Valley of Fire or Bryce Canyon?

 

[LokiDog]

Well folks, as of this weekend I’m officially a married man.

We aren’t doing a honeymoon immediately but I’m looking for some suggestions of places we can go where we won’t have a bunch of places still shut down because of COVID.

Same here! December 4th. Congrats.

 

[New York RKY]

Same here! December 4th. Congrats.

Nice, same date! Congrats to you as well man.

 

[LokiDog]

Great pics. Looks like Valley of Fire or Bryce Canyon?

This was Buckskin Gulch which is probably 2 hours from Bryce, but only because we knew it would be more secluded and we’d be able to have more privacy for the ceremony. But we went to Bryce, Zion, Horseshoe Bend and Grand Canyon as well.

 

[LokiDog]

L Dog was the best man.

 

[Boris Zubov]

This was Buckskin Gulch which is probably 2 hours from Bryce, but only because we knew it would be more secluded and we’d be able to have more privacy for the ceremony. But we went to Bryce, Zion, Horseshoe Bend and Grand Canyon as well.

Sweet, sounds like a great road trip. Hopefully you drove through Monument Valley along the way.

 

[kovazub94]

Considering seeing a therapist after getting out of a long, drawn out, abusive relationship. I don't know where to start in this kind of search. I really just think having someone to talk to about all of the stuff that happened over the course of 5 years will help bring me to a better mental state of mind. My friends have heard it all and I'm sure probably don't want to hear anymore of my venting.

Anyone been through something similar and had success ?

Do you have a medical plan? I'd start my search there. Also some large corporate employers offer additional supplemental benefits aims at addressing mental health. Good luck!

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

If I can do it, so can you guysView attachment 489184 View attachment 489185 View attachment 489186 View attachment 489187

Congrats! Bro you're looking more like Chris Hemsworth as opposed to Michael Grabner in these pics.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

Do you have a medical plan? I'd start my search there. Also some large corporate employers offer additional supplemental benefits aims at addressing mental health. Good luck!

Apparently there are a lot of online therapy sites now especially since covid. I haven't visited any yet, but my buddy who had a kid started using one due to anxiety and balancing family addition/promotion/covid era.

 

[LokiDog]

Congrats! Bro you're looking more like Chris Hemsworth as opposed to Michael Grabner in these pics.

Thor and Loki

I’ll take it

 

[LokiDog]

Considering seeing a therapist after getting out of a long, drawn out, abusive relationship. I don't know where to start in this kind of search. I really just think having someone to talk to about all of the stuff that happened over the course of 5 years will help bring me to a better mental state of mind. My friends have heard it all and I'm sure probably don't want to hear anymore of my venting.

Anyone been through something similar and had success ?

So, without sharing too much, my wife’s ex-husband was… beyond the standard toxic, abuse relationship. She finally got out when he put her in the hospital after having strangled her unconscious. She had managed to dial 911 before passing out. She was finally able to get some things and leave when she had a police escort upon being discharged from the hospital a few days later with a bruised larynx, facial lacerations and bruised ribs.

It took her years to really start making meaningful strides towards getting over the years of abuse she endured before finally being able to extricate herself and I think she knows that had she not ended up in the hospital, she may not have been able to.

Drawn out, but… she went through several therapists who specialized in different fields and ultimately the one that helped and that she stuck with was the one who simply made her feel the most comfortable, heard and understood. They weren’t a specialist in abuse or emotional trauma or domestic violence or anything. They were just someone completely outside of the situation who helped her feel secure enough to let things pour out and then to ask good, genuine questions that gently poked at the roots of some of the issues.

I can’t speak to every person’s experience of course, but my advice would be to seek that type of comfort where you’re genuinely able to open without holding back, because in my wife’s case it’s done wonders. We have a full, healthy relationship. She isn’t damaged. She isn’t doing good “for a survivor”. I would never know what she’s been through at this point, if she hadn’t shared. It doesn’t impact us anywhere. In fact, in many ways since we’ve both had a divorce in the past - both ugly, but hers FAR worse - we love more fiercely and intimately and with less held back because we’ve figured out what we both want and need in life. But I doubt, knowing what she has gone through, that she would be able to do that without having had the help of a truly good therapist who was able to put her at ease.

Don’t worry about what they specialize in, what gender they are, etc. Find someone you can share with as if you were talking to yourself in the shower. When you can get it ALL out, you’ll be able to process it.

 

[Shesterkybomb]

Hey guys, im in need of some advice here on a girl that i met....
This girl works for a pr company that does PR events for us. I met her and was completely open about my depression issues and how therapy helped to change all of that and blah blah as our first conversation. The next night after an awards dinner, she comes up to me afterwards and wants to know more about me. We get into a great convo and i bring up an embarressing story of me being in vegas and thought i was getting hit on by a girl who later turned out to be a prostitute lol. But she then asked in the middle, "was she blond" Which is the haircolor that the girl im talking to has. We end up smoking a joint in nyc and walking around, singing in the streets. After we went to a bar and talked about everything and nothing at the same time, weve been through the same things, we danced at the bar, we have a tremendous, physical, mental and emotional connection. i give her my number and say she can call or text me anytime, ill be there for her. She then goes on to tell me how "Im the only one she feels she can be 100% herself with, how she made a big mistake, how she shouldn't have said yes to be engaged, she isnt happy, why couldnt she have met me 3 years ago, where have i been all her life" all verbetum. I asked her if she was happy and she said no, she said yes to make him happy. They moved to be closer to her parents for support bc he is an addict as well. We almost kissed several times that night but i pushed away bc i didnt want to be the guy who forces her out, she needs to make that decision on her own. And then she pushed me away saying she isnt that type of girl, that when she is with someone, she is only with them.
After we went to a karoake bar where we sang and talked more. At the end of the night, 4am by now, neither of us wanted the night to end. I asked if we could hangout in the lobby and just talk, she told me she didnt trust herself, then i asked if i could walk her home bc im old school and we are in the city. She tell me again she doesnt trust herself. We said good night and i asked her to text me when she got back. She never did. She went home and i have yet to hear from her. I know leaving a toxic relationship takes time especially since she is engaged and has alot to figure out.

I really like this girl and its not like im asking her to marry me lol. I just dont want her to marry him, and maybe go for a walk, or a date...

Right now its been a few weeks since the event and i want to reach out just to let her know that im thinking of her and to plant the seed a litte more.

I know its wrong but i cant figure out why else would we be put in each others lives.

I dont have her number and obviously i shouldnt reach out bc she needs space to figure her life out, but i want to just send a friendly email such as:

"Hi,

I wanted to reach out and say hi, hope all is well. Been thinking about what an amazing personb you are and what a great time i had meeting you.. Happy holidays.

If you happen to come up to my neck of the woods, id love to show you the tree.."

Help guys and girls, i need some advice here

Id say you should look up the prostitute, see what she's doing, be more productive.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

So, without sharing too much, my wife’s ex-husband was… beyond the standard toxic, abuse relationship. She finally got out when he put her in the hospital after having strangled her unconscious. She had managed to dial 911 before passing out. She was finally able to get some things and leave when she had a police escort upon being discharged from the hospital a few days later with a bruised larynx, facial lacerations and bruised ribs.

It took her years to really start making meaningful strides towards getting over the years of abuse she endured before finally being able to extricate herself and I think she knows that had she not ended up in the hospital, she may not have been able to.

Drawn out, but… she went through several therapists who specialized in different fields and ultimately the one that helped and that she stuck with was the one who simply made her feel the most comfortable, heard and understood. They weren’t a specialist in abuse or emotional trauma or domestic violence or anything. They were just someone completely outside of the situation who helped her feel secure enough to let things pour out and then to ask good, genuine questions that gently poked at the roots of some of the issues.

I can’t speak to every person’s experience of course, but my advice would be to seek that type of comfort where you’re genuinely able to open without holding back, because in my wife’s case it’s done wonders. We have a full, healthy relationship. She isn’t damaged. She isn’t doing good “for a survivor”. I would never know what she’s been through at this point, if she hadn’t shared. It doesn’t impact us anywhere. In fact, in many ways since we’ve both had a divorce in the past - both ugly, but hers FAR worse - we love more fiercely and intimately and with less held back because we’ve figured out what we both want and need in life. But I doubt, knowing what she has gone through, that she would be able to do that without having had the help of a truly good therapist who was able to put her at ease.

Don’t worry about what they specialize in, what gender they are, etc. Find someone you can share with as if you were talking to yourself in the shower. When you can get it ALL out, you’ll be able to process it.

A good friend of mine has had something similar happen with the strangulation, apparently she went to the police too late and it was after the statute of limitations expired. Her ex-husband really kind of dominated her life and her kids' lives after that but he had serious issues and committed suicide this year. Which is one of those things where he WAS the father of her children but she now doesn't have to fear for her and their safety. Anyway, didn't mean to hijack this but this is somewhat close to home because I know a lot about her situation.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Dusting this thread off. So a coworker of mine lives in the Dominican Republic. We were always friendly but a few weeks ago she gave me her number (it was for work). Lately we've talked a lot and it's been super flirty. This is coming from a guy that a) doesn't know how to flirt and b) can't always tell if I'm being flirted with. But it's pretty unambiguous. But of course this stuff only happens with girls that are unattainable. She has been inviting me to the DR. I'm legit considering it, haha. I wish I could bottle up whatever I have here and use it on girls in NYC.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

Dusting this thread off. So a coworker of mine lives in the Dominican Republic. We were always friendly but a few weeks ago she gave me her number (it was for work). Lately we've talked a lot and it's been super flirty. This is coming from a guy that a) doesn't know how to flirt and b) can't always tell if I'm being flirted with. But it's pretty unambiguous. But of course this stuff only happens with girls that are unattainable. She has been inviting me to the DR. I'm legit considering it, haha. I wish I could bottle up whatever I have here and use it on girls in NYC.

1. After going through it earlier in my life, I'm of the strong belief don't $%$ where you eat. It leads to problems especially if you're actively in the same organization. I have a friend going through it right now. WFH has saved it and kept the arguing and on/off again thing as cordial otherwise it would be much uglier.

2. Anytime I've gone to visit a girl I was kind of talking to or friendly with for romantic intentions has backfired. I'm still not 100% right after my trip last summer to the West Coast. We have not talked since once she realized I was out there because I had feelings for her. The past Rangers season and long playoff run were a tremendous distraction but there are things (on and off again sadness I would not say depression), focus, consistency that still impact me. It's getting better but is going to take some more time.

3. I hear that about NY. I was in North Carolina for some family stuff and then Canada for work for most of the second and third rounds. There was just such a different type of energy especially the later in terms of women who excited and interested me. NYC area to me is very formulaic.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

1. After going through it earlier in my life, I'm of the strong belief don't $%$ where you eat. It leads to problems especially if you're actively in the same organization. I have a friend going through it right now. WFH has saved it and kept the arguing and on/off again thing as cordial otherwise it would be much uglier.

2. Anytime I've gone to visit a girl I was kind of talking to or friendly with for romantic intentions has backfired. I'm still not 100% right after my trip last summer to the West Coast. We have not talked since once she realized I was out there because I had feelings for her. The past Rangers season and long playoff run were a tremendous distraction but there are things (on and off again sadness I would not say depression), focus, consistency that still impact me. It's getting better but is going to take some more time.

3. I hear that about NY. I was in North Carolina for some family stuff and then Canada for work for most of the second and third rounds. There was just such a different type of energy especially the later in terms of women who excited and interested me. NYC area to me is very formulaic.

Well I'd go to the DR for myself and then meet up with her. So I wouldn't just come to stay with her. Doesn't need to be more awkward than needed to be.

 

[Taluss]

Well I'd go to the DR for myself and then meet up with her. So I wouldn't just come to stay with her. Doesn't need to be more awkward than needed to be.

If that’s the case then I’d say go for it!

I agree with Roo about the co worker part though. That could lead to stuff down the road. But it could end up with no problems of course