OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[duhmetreE]

I used to do improv before the pandemic. Otherwise I don't have many super interesting hobbies outside of the house.

Well, I'll jump in skipping a plethora of information and testimony to tell you, from what little I've read, it sounds like you have major confidence issues. It sounds like you wouldn't even date yourself... so why expect another?

which is fine... but what are you doing about it?

 

[duhmetreE]

Only reason we want to return is because it’s the only place in the country we have friends/family and as first time parents it seems we can either do this completely isolated from everyone on the west coast or we can have a big support system back east. Being the first to provide grand children, we’re guaranteed favoritism, unlimited babysitting, etc.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Well, I'll jump in skipping a plethora of information and testimony to tell you, from what little I've read, it sounds like you have major confidence issues. It sounds like you wouldn't even date yourself... so why expect another?

which is fine... but what are you doing about it?

Eh, I have confidence issues but it's chicken or the egg type of thing. If I were getting more matches and dates I'd have more confidence. Now I won't say that's the entirety of the problem but it's a large chunk of it. When you get pro photos and don't even get matches how am I exactly supposed to be confident?

 

[LokiDog]

I would like to raise him near family. We have a good bit of heritage with the Crane/Craine family tree in Tarrytown & Sleepy Hollow. And he needs to be baptized early at MSG. Plus my pops is a finance fat cat who may not have spoiled me but will absolutely finance this kid to the finest hockey camps and a Porsche by the time he’s like 6. Which is exactly why his middle name will be my dad’s name. I may not have an inheritance but little Henrik Craine will.

 

[I Eat Crow]

I used to do improv before the pandemic. Otherwise I don't have many super interesting hobbies outside of the house.

Put in your profile you're bros with Tinder legend Bob Richards. Save your money that you would give Loki and you'll be swimming in it.

 

[duhmetreE]

Eh, I have confidence issues but it's chicken or the egg type of thing. If I were getting more matches and dates I'd have more confidence. Now I won't say that's the entirety of the problem but it's a large chunk of it. When you get pro photos and don't even get matches how am I exactly supposed to be confident?

tbh, pro photos seems over the top. Are you looking for wifey material or hook ups?

I would personally forget about anyone but yourself. Do you train? I saw you do pushups, is that the extent of it?

Women love a lot of things. Confidence is right up there with money and looks IMO

If you're lacking confidence, ask yourself, what would make you more confident?

 

[duhmetreE]

I would like to raise him near family. We have a good bit of heritage with the Crane/Craine family tree in Tarrytown & Sleepy Hollow. And he needs to be baptized early at MSG. Plus my pops is a finance fat cat who may not have spoiled me but will absolutely finance this kid to the finest hockey camps and a Porsche by the time he’s like 6. Which is exactly why his middle name will be my dad’s name. I may not have an inheritance but little Henrik Craine will.

Well, that changes things. If there's stability there with 'f*** you money', that's great. The stresses from the cost of living isn't as severe

I personally would never move back though.... but most of my family has left already. So, it makes sense

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Put in your profile you're bros with Tinder legend Bob Richards. Save your money that you would give Loki and you'll be swimming in it.

Hahaha

 

[SnowblindNYR]

tbh, pro photos seems over the top. Are you looking for wifey material or hook ups?

I would personally forget about anyone but yourself. Do you train? I saw you do pushups, is that the extent of it?

Women love a lot of things. Confidence is right up there with money and looks IMO

If you're lacking confidence, ask yourself, what would make you more confident?

I do pushups and do some lifting consistently but nothing crazy. And honestly, I'm not that confident and that's an issue but as I said it's kind of self-perpetuating cycle. If I got some success I'd gain a lot of confidence. And my confidence has gone up significantly over the last few years. But not getting some wins under my belt hurts that. If the Rangers start the season 0-30 will they be confident they can win? Even if they have talent.

 

[Machinehead]

Push-ups are wack

 

[will1066]

I do pushups and do some lifting consistently but nothing crazy. And honestly, I'm not that confident and that's an issue but as I said it's kind of self-perpetuating cycle. If I got some success I'd gain a lot of confidence. And my confidence has gone up significantly over the last few years. But not getting some wins under my belt hurts that. If the Rangers start the season 0-30 will they be confident they can win? Even if they have talent.

So, you're basically Georgiev, needing the work to stay confident.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

So, you're basically Georgiev, needing the work to stay confident.

That's the worst thing anyone's ever called me.

 

[duhmetreE]

I do pushups and do some lifting consistently but nothing crazy. And honestly, I'm not that confident and that's an issue but as I said it's kind of self-perpetuating cycle. If I got some success I'd gain a lot of confidence. And my confidence has gone up significantly over the last few years. But not getting some wins under my belt hurts that. If the Rangers start the season 0-30 will they be confident they can win? Even if they have talent.

Well it's time to get crazy. Don't half ass it. Whole ass it.

Set a strict 5 day workout schedule. Push-Pull-Legs-Push-Pull. Write down your schedule every week. Budget your time. It helps.

How's your diet?

Start looking for hobbies/groups where you think the woman of your dreams would be interested.

stop worrying about things out of your control

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Well it's time to get crazy. Don't half ass it. Whole ass it.

Set a strict 5 day workout schedule. Push-Pull-Legs-Push-Pull. Write down your schedule every week. Budget your time. It helps.

How's your diet?

Start looking for hobbies/groups where you think the woman of your dreams would be interested.

stop worrying about things out of your control

I might join a class. My friend suggested it.

 

[NYSPORTS]

the dates on the receiving end of this must feel like a batter facing Rick Ankiel

 

[Chalfdiggity3]

Hey guys, im in need of some advice here on a girl that i met....
This girl works for a pr company that does PR events for us. I met her and was completely open about my depression issues and how therapy helped to change all of that and blah blah as our first conversation. The next night after an awards dinner, she comes up to me afterwards and wants to know more about me. We get into a great convo and i bring up an embarressing story of me being in vegas and thought i was getting hit on by a girl who later turned out to be a prostitute lol. But she then asked in the middle, "was she blond" Which is the haircolor that the girl im talking to has. We end up smoking a joint in nyc and walking around, singing in the streets. After we went to a bar and talked about everything and nothing at the same time, weve been through the same things, we danced at the bar, we have a tremendous, physical, mental and emotional connection. i give her my number and say she can call or text me anytime, ill be there for her. She then goes on to tell me how "Im the only one she feels she can be 100% herself with, how she made a big mistake, how she shouldn't have said yes to be engaged, she isnt happy, why couldnt she have met me 3 years ago, where have i been all her life" all verbetum. I asked her if she was happy and she said no, she said yes to make him happy. They moved to be closer to her parents for support bc he is an addict as well. We almost kissed several times that night but i pushed away bc i didnt want to be the guy who forces her out, she needs to make that decision on her own. And then she pushed me away saying she isnt that type of girl, that when she is with someone, she is only with them.
After we went to a karoake bar where we sang and talked more. At the end of the night, 4am by now, neither of us wanted the night to end. I asked if we could hangout in the lobby and just talk, she told me she didnt trust herself, then i asked if i could walk her home bc im old school and we are in the city. She tell me again she doesnt trust herself. We said good night and i asked her to text me when she got back. She never did. She went home and i have yet to hear from her. I know leaving a toxic relationship takes time especially since she is engaged and has alot to figure out.

I really like this girl and its not like im asking her to marry me lol. I just dont want her to marry him, and maybe go for a walk, or a date...

Right now its been a few weeks since the event and i want to reach out just to let her know that im thinking of her and to plant the seed a litte more.

I know its wrong but i cant figure out why else would we be put in each others lives.

I dont have her number and obviously i shouldnt reach out bc she needs space to figure her life out, but i want to just send a friendly email such as:

"Hi,

I wanted to reach out and say hi, hope all is well. Been thinking about what an amazing personb you are and what a great time i had meeting you.. Happy holidays.

If you happen to come up to my neck of the woods, id love to show you the tree.."

Help guys and girls, i need some advice here

 

[Sayba]

Hey guys, im in need of some advice here on a girl that i met....
This girl works for a pr company that does PR events for us. I met her and was completely open about my depression issues and how therapy helped to change all of that and blah blah as our first conversation. The next night after an awards dinner, she comes up to me afterwards and wants to know more about me. We get into a great convo and i bring up an embarressing story of me being in vegas and thought i was getting hit on by a girl who later turned out to be a prostitute lol. But she then asked in the middle, "was she blond" Which is the haircolor that the girl im talking to has. We end up smoking a joint in nyc and walking around, singing in the streets. After we went to a bar and talked about everything and nothing at the same time, weve been through the same things, we danced at the bar, we have a tremendous, physical, mental and emotional connection. i give her my number and say she can call or text me anytime, ill be there for her. She then goes on to tell me how "Im the only one she feels she can be 100% herself with, how she made a big mistake, how she shouldn't have said yes to be engaged, she isnt happy, why couldnt she have met me 3 years ago, where have i been all her life" all verbetum. I asked her if she was happy and she said no, she said yes to make him happy. They moved to be closer to her parents for support bc he is an addict as well. We almost kissed several times that night but i pushed away bc i didnt want to be the guy who forces her out, she needs to make that decision on her own. And then she pushed me away saying she isnt that type of girl, that when she is with someone, she is only with them.
After we went to a karoake bar where we sang and talked more. At the end of the night, 4am by now, neither of us wanted the night to end. I asked if we could hangout in the lobby and just talk, she told me she didnt trust herself, then i asked if i could walk her home bc im old school and we are in the city. She tell me again she doesnt trust herself. We said good night and i asked her to text me when she got back. She never did. She went home and i have yet to hear from her. I know leaving a toxic relationship takes time especially since she is engaged and has alot to figure out.

I really like this girl and its not like im asking her to marry me lol. I just dont want her to marry him, and maybe go for a walk, or a date...

Right now its been a few weeks since the event and i want to reach out just to let her know that im thinking of her and to plant the seed a litte more.

I know its wrong but i cant figure out why else would we be put in each others lives.

I dont have her number and obviously i shouldnt reach out bc she needs space to figure her life out, but i want to just send a friendly email such as:

"Hi,

I wanted to reach out and say hi, hope all is well. Been thinking about what an amazing personb you are and what a great time i had meeting you.. Happy holidays.

If you happen to come up to my neck of the woods, id love to show you the tree.."

Help guys and girls, i need some advice here

Move on, if she wanted to reach out to you she would have. You only know what she told you, maybe she was having bad day, week ect and used you to contemplate her life as marriage is a big decision that you will question before you actually do it, regardless of how much you like the other person.

 

[RempireStateBuilding]

Hey guys, im in need of some advice here on a girl that i met....
This girl works for a pr company that does PR events for us. I met her and was completely open about my depression issues and how therapy helped to change all of that and blah blah as our first conversation. The next night after an awards dinner, she comes up to me afterwards and wants to know more about me. We get into a great convo and i bring up an embarressing story of me being in vegas and thought i was getting hit on by a girl who later turned out to be a prostitute lol. But she then asked in the middle, "was she blond" Which is the haircolor that the girl im talking to has. We end up smoking a joint in nyc and walking around, singing in the streets. After we went to a bar and talked about everything and nothing at the same time, weve been through the same things, we danced at the bar, we have a tremendous, physical, mental and emotional connection. i give her my number and say she can call or text me anytime, ill be there for her. She then goes on to tell me how "Im the only one she feels she can be 100% herself with, how she made a big mistake, how she shouldn't have said yes to be engaged, she isnt happy, why couldnt she have met me 3 years ago, where have i been all her life" all verbetum. I asked her if she was happy and she said no, she said yes to make him happy. They moved to be closer to her parents for support bc he is an addict as well. We almost kissed several times that night but i pushed away bc i didnt want to be the guy who forces her out, she needs to make that decision on her own. And then she pushed me away saying she isnt that type of girl, that when she is with someone, she is only with them.
After we went to a karoake bar where we sang and talked more. At the end of the night, 4am by now, neither of us wanted the night to end. I asked if we could hangout in the lobby and just talk, she told me she didnt trust herself, then i asked if i could walk her home bc im old school and we are in the city. She tell me again she doesnt trust herself. We said good night and i asked her to text me when she got back. She never did. She went home and i have yet to hear from her. I know leaving a toxic relationship takes time especially since she is engaged and has alot to figure out.

I really like this girl and its not like im asking her to marry me lol. I just dont want her to marry him, and maybe go for a walk, or a date...

Right now its been a few weeks since the event and i want to reach out just to let her know that im thinking of her and to plant the seed a litte more.

I know its wrong but i cant figure out why else would we be put in each others lives.

I dont have her number and obviously i shouldnt reach out bc she needs space to figure her life out, but i want to just send a friendly email such as:

"Hi,

I wanted to reach out and say hi, hope all is well. Been thinking about what an amazing personb you are and what a great time i had meeting you.. Happy holidays.

If you happen to come up to my neck of the woods, id love to show you the tree.."

Help guys and girls, i need some advice here

Two bolded sentences are in direct contradiction of each other. You don't want to be the reason she leaves this guy, but then say you want to plant more seeds of doubt and instigate the situation. Doesn't sound like a good situation to pursue. If she wants to contact you, she will. Otherwise there are a lot of other, single women that you will connect with.

 

[Chalfdiggity3]

Two bolded sentences are in direct contradiction of each other. You don't want to be the reason she leaves this guy, but then say you want to plant more seeds of doubt and instigate the situation. Doesn't sound like a good situation to pursue. If she wants to contact you, she will. Otherwise there are a lot of other, single women that you will connect with.

Yea i know, i want her to know im still thinking about her but then again im not giving her space to figure out what she wants. I mean if she is going to leave that situation then she has to do it on her own. I know i need to practice more of what i say myself. This is why im so torn bc i dont want to just let that connection go. i havent found a connection like that since.... well a long time. Is that email to much? i mean this is why im going back and forth so hard on this.

 

[RempireStateBuilding]

Yea i know, i want her to know im still thinking about her but then again im not giving her space to figure out what she wants. I mean if she is going to leave that situation then she has to do it on her own. I know i need to practice more of what i say myself. This is why im so torn bc i dont want to just let that connection go. i havent found a connection like that since.... well a long time. Is that email to much? i mean this is why im going back and forth so hard on this.

I can only talk from my perspective/experiences/mindset and for myself, obviously what you do is up to you. For me, sending an email like that isn't something I would do. I also haven't had much success with people so what do I know.

I sympathize with the struggle though, I think a lot about two what-if situations in the last couple years that would have taken my life in completely different directions. The big hang-up with my girlfriend is whether or not I want kids - she wants 2-3+ in the next ~5 years while I am, at best, on the fence about having 1. I met both of the what-ifs through work (still work with one), and both had made it abundantly clear they don't want kids. One was pretty upset I wasn't more pushy and aggressive with making myself apart of her days. The other was secretly in love with me for years and I was with her too; we had an impromptu conversation in the middle of work revealing all of this to each other pretty recently. So I get that it's tough to just drop things that hit you in a way you haven't felt before/in a very long time.

I'm still trying to figure out answers to all 3 of my situations and it feels like I get father from an answer every day. Right now I know I'm happy with my girlfriend, but I have a lot of digging to do.

 

[LokiDog]

You will always think about the ones that got away, especially if they were good ones.

I was of two minds reading your story and my initial instinct was to just stay out of it. But you either do the ‘right’, gentlemanly thing and don’t message her, let her figure it out on her own, etc. or you do the stereotypical ‘unrealistic’ Christmas movie thing and send the damn message and see what happens.

Partially, I’d say yeah that movie shit never works out but… if no one ever goes for it, how can it? Plus, I was such a massive f***ing whore that I can’t even begin to tell you to ‘do the right thing’. If I thought she dug me and I wanted it, I was going for it. I was a jerk. I don’t regret it. As much as some people might say I was a jerk, I did my thing and it helped me arrive at a place where I was fully ready to be a super good, loyal, honest guy for a good girl and now we’re having a kid and all the good stuff.


I’m not saying it’s the most honorable thing to flirt with and try to confuse a girl who is engaged. On the other hand, it’s not like you’re the 19 year old with absolutely NO good intentions who is just looking to wreck the 36 year old married guys home for a power trip. You like this girl? She said she isn’t happy. You’d like to see where it could go and not just looking for a one night fling? You’d take a chance with her and see what happens? So who knows, maybe that is why you met. Do you.

 

[Chalfdiggity3]

You will always think about the ones that got away, especially if they were good ones.

I was of two minds reading your story and my initial instinct was to just stay out of it. But you either do the ‘right’, gentlemanly thing and don’t message her, let her figure it out on her own, etc. or you do the stereotypical ‘unrealistic’ Christmas movie thing and send the damn message and see what happens.

Partially, I’d say yeah that movie shit never works out but… if no one ever goes for it, how can it? Plus, I was such a massive f***ing whore that I can’t even begin to tell you to ‘do the right thing’. If I thought she dug me and I wanted it, I was going for it. I was a jerk. I don’t regret it. As much as some people might say I was a jerk, I did my thing and it helped me arrive at a place where I was fully ready to be a super good, loyal, honest guy for a good girl and now we’re having a kid and all the good stuff.


I’m not saying it’s the most honorable thing to flirt with and try to confuse a girl who is engaged. On the other hand, it’s not like you’re the 19 year old with absolutely NO good intentions who is just looking to wreck the 36 year old married guys home for a power trip. You like this girl? She said she isn’t happy. You’d like to see where it could go and not just looking for a one night fling? You’d take a chance with her and see what happens? So who knows, maybe that is why you met. Do you.

Ive always been of the mind of not going for it, playing it safe, but i was always the one who had to save people so it was never a good relationship. This girl is 25yo...Im 34yo, i want kids, i want a family, i want the one i can spend my life with being a partner in life. I feel that doing something different, out of my comfort zone is the only way i can push those boundaries and find what ive always been looking for. On the other hand, i am a gentleman, i do honor and respect marriage and want what my parents have... 42 years and counting.

Everyone has a story of how they met... my bother met his gf at a trade show, she was living with and dating someone else.

My brothers best friends wife, was f*** buddies with one of her husbands best friends.

I ask myself that every day.. why did we meet. I wish i did meet her 3 years ago, but i wouldnt be the man i am today if i didnt go through what i did.

I feel like the song "torn" is playing in the background of my life lol.

The least i can take from this whole experience is that there are girls out there in this world that i can connect with at this level.

Also want to add that it has only been 11 days now since that day/night

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

Hey guys, im in need of some advice here on a girl that i met....
This girl works for a pr company that does PR events for us. I met her and was completely open about my depression issues and how therapy helped to change all of that and blah blah as our first conversation. The next night after an awards dinner, she comes up to me afterwards and wants to know more about me. We get into a great convo and i bring up an embarressing story of me being in vegas and thought i was getting hit on by a girl who later turned out to be a prostitute lol. But she then asked in the middle, "was she blond" Which is the haircolor that the girl im talking to has. We end up smoking a joint in nyc and walking around, singing in the streets. After we went to a bar and talked about everything and nothing at the same time, weve been through the same things, we danced at the bar, we have a tremendous, physical, mental and emotional connection. i give her my number and say she can call or text me anytime, ill be there for her. She then goes on to tell me how "Im the only one she feels she can be 100% herself with, how she made a big mistake, how she shouldn't have said yes to be engaged, she isnt happy, why couldnt she have met me 3 years ago, where have i been all her life" all verbetum. I asked her if she was happy and she said no, she said yes to make him happy. They moved to be closer to her parents for support bc he is an addict as well. We almost kissed several times that night but i pushed away bc i didnt want to be the guy who forces her out, she needs to make that decision on her own. And then she pushed me away saying she isnt that type of girl, that when she is with someone, she is only with them.
After we went to a karoake bar where we sang and talked more. At the end of the night, 4am by now, neither of us wanted the night to end. I asked if we could hangout in the lobby and just talk, she told me she didnt trust herself, then i asked if i could walk her home bc im old school and we are in the city. She tell me again she doesnt trust herself. We said good night and i asked her to text me when she got back. She never did. She went home and i have yet to hear from her. I know leaving a toxic relationship takes time especially since she is engaged and has alot to figure out.

I really like this girl and its not like im asking her to marry me lol. I just dont want her to marry him, and maybe go for a walk, or a date...

Right now its been a few weeks since the event and i want to reach out just to let her know that im thinking of her and to plant the seed a litte more.

I know its wrong but i cant figure out why else would we be put in each others lives.

I dont have her number and obviously i shouldnt reach out bc she needs space to figure her life out, but i want to just send a friendly email such as:

"Hi,

I wanted to reach out and say hi, hope all is well. Been thinking about what an amazing personb you are and what a great time i had meeting you.. Happy holidays.

If you happen to come up to my neck of the woods, id love to show you the tree.."

Help guys and girls, i need some advice here

I will preface this by saying I'm no expert as many of you know my story and this will not get personal but I see problems here:

-If she's bored with her man who's to say she doesn't get bored with you in a few months or years?

-She's using you as an emotional and physical escape from the current mess she's in

-She's in a highly emotional state now and might be down low unstable

-Who's to say she isn't talking to a dozen other guys when she's with you planning a "just in case"

-If she's only 25, remember 25 today is not 25 20-23 years ago. The data says she's going to change her likes, desires, etc in a few years. She may be attracted to you now but in a few years it might be something else.

-If it's through work as long as it's not a direct business connection otherwise that could get messy

-If she hasn't texted back in weeks it means it was probably a one off emotional thing for her. The odds are she's going to do this to other guys until she either breaks it off or goes through with it.

-Hallmark movie happy endings are full of shit

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

Eh, I have confidence issues but it's chicken or the egg type of thing. If I were getting more matches and dates I'd have more confidence. Now I won't say that's the entirety of the problem but it's a large chunk of it. When you get pro photos and don't even get matches how am I exactly supposed to be confident?

You say eff it and keep moving forward with new chances and adventures.

Quick story last night on confidence and I'm not the most confident guy. I went into work as I'm part of a big project and met friends in NYC for night before Thanksgiving drinks. I'm in a hipster bar and the bartender just had a very snarky nasty attitude. She was very good looking (yoga body, blonde, etc.).

Towards the end of the night when I'm closing the tab, I was asking her about the bar's interesting artwork of movie posters and it somehow morphed into a Star Trek conversation. Turns out she's a huge Trekkie from Boston and since I grew up on it, my inner nerd came out and this chick goes from a snarky nasty attitude into an actual convo for about 10 minutes.

I didn't ask for her number because I just wasn't into her but it was more of the "alright I don't give an eff let's have some fun" and I did.

The moral of this long diatribe is just go for small wins. I was not dressed correctly (button down and dress pants way too formal for this setting coming from work), my hair was messed up, and I'm not in the best shape still only lifting at 40-50% from Covid recovery (precautionary) but I was able to have a 10 minute convo with someone who physically is very attractive and had a bad attitude.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

You say eff it and keep moving forward with new chances and adventures.

Quick story last night on confidence and I'm not the most confident guy. I went into work as I'm part of a big project and met friends in NYC for night before Thanksgiving drinks. I'm in a hipster bar and the bartender just had a very snarky nasty attitude. She was very good looking (yoga body, blonde, etc.).

Towards the end of the night when I'm closing the tab, I was asking her about the bar's interesting artwork of movie posters and it somehow morphed into a Star Trek conversation. Turns out she's a huge Trekkie from Boston and since I grew up on it, my inner nerd came out and this chick goes from a snarky nasty attitude into an actual convo for about 10 minutes.

I didn't ask for her number because I just wasn't into her but it was more of the "alright I don't give an eff let's have some fun" and I did.

The moral of this long diatribe is just go for small wins. I was not dressed correctly (button down and dress pants way too formal for this setting coming from work), my hair was messed up, and I'm not in the best shape still only lifting at 40-50% from Covid recovery (precautionary) but I was able to have a 10 minute convo with someone who physically is very attractive and had a bad attitude.

I had a similar experience with a Matrie D at a bar once. I had a good conversation and actually asked her out and she politely said "I don't think my boyfriend would like that". And honestly I didn't care about the rejection at all was just proud I summoned up the courage to do it.

I think I need take a break from this stuff. But it's always top of mind. I was just at a wedding where everyone was partnered up and it reminded me that I wasn't. Still I need to take a break, hang out with my female friend with no expectations. I go out with her one on one and it's basically platonic dating. It gives me some confidence and I have a good time and so does she.