I’ll bet you’d be surprised. It definitely didn’t feel like it 15 years ago, but like you said about the diet, it’s just a lifestyle now.
OT: Relationship Advice Thread
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I’ll bet you’d be surprised. It definitely didn’t feel like it 15 years ago, but like you said about the diet, it’s just a lifestyle now.
I've trained before but could never get to where it's a lifestyle. Lifting what I lift now is a lifestyle, but it takes a few minutes.
romba
Registered User
romba
Registered User
Cute dogs are chick magnets and great conversation starters, just sayin
Maybe do a few sets of some pushups and crunches instead of dumbells a couple of times a week, it'll improve your back, shoulders and chest more than just curls and also isn't time consuming.
I get that meeting new ppl in a dating scenario is difficult to feel comfortable in for many reasons. Because of that I always found that being in a group setting with (male) friends I'm already comfortable with and can banter, and mixing that up with a group of girls who I may not be as comfortable with, was a sure way to get the banter and convo going bwteen myself and the ladies, and feeling good and having a fun night. But at a certain point in life that can become a difficult situation to set up.
Last edited:
- Sep 20, 2007
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This might be the best advice you could give anyone who's trying to achieve ANY goal in life and keeps stumbling. I'll just add that the type of physical activity doesn't matter as much - it can be anything in which you go through a cycle of continuous struggling and overcoming, then more struggling. I'll also suggest Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It's a fierce journey to better yourself, you always want to quit, but you never let yourself give up. There is a lot to learn about yourself within that struggle, you learn who you really are and what you're really made of. The benefits manifest themselves in your physique(if you eat right) as well. Start a relationship with yourself first, whether it's lifting, BJJ training, even training for a marathon, go into the deep dark parts of yourself and figure out who you really are and you'll come out a different person. Relationships, work, everything in your life will fall into place.
@SnowblindNYR I haven't dated in ages, but at the same time, I am a lot more comfortable now and I think I would be a lot better at it than I was 20 years ago. If it is one thing I would do different today, its to not in any way shape or form look at it as "dating" like I did back then. I.e. trying to show myself of basically. I'd just try to pass the time in a way that made it as enjoyable as possible. Everyone are in the same boat, while many are really good at putting on a display looking super confident and successful.
Being confident, fun, relaxed or whatever isn't about turning a switch, or wasn't for me at least. Need to change the setting. If you are tired and want to be alert, you can't just tell yourself to not be tired and to be alert instead. In that case its easy, all you need to do is get more sleep and perhaps work out some to get going. When I wasn't confident, fun and relaxed -- and look back at it -- it certainly had its reasons (and I am as sure that some variant of those reasons are super common). Don't think there is anything I could have done as a 20-25 y/o to just flip a switch on those issues, but if I could go back in time and try to get it done as fast as possible, I would probably just try to do all the cliches, be nice to myself, don't put as much pressure on me as I did, take care and perhaps slow down a bit on the partying, probably talk to someone professional about some things.
With that said, one thing I wouldn't even remotely have today is the same "will". All the emotions holding me back, they were a tremendous strength too. If I dated today and found someone, would that work? Or would I/we just be 'whatever' when there were a bump in the road and go forward?
Being confident, fun, relaxed or whatever isn't about turning a switch, or wasn't for me at least. Need to change the setting. If you are tired and want to be alert, you can't just tell yourself to not be tired and to be alert instead. In that case its easy, all you need to do is get more sleep and perhaps work out some to get going. When I wasn't confident, fun and relaxed -- and look back at it -- it certainly had its reasons (and I am as sure that some variant of those reasons are super common). Don't think there is anything I could have done as a 20-25 y/o to just flip a switch on those issues, but if I could go back in time and try to get it done as fast as possible, I would probably just try to do all the cliches, be nice to myself, don't put as much pressure on me as I did, take care and perhaps slow down a bit on the partying, probably talk to someone professional about some things.
With that said, one thing I wouldn't even remotely have today is the same "will". All the emotions holding me back, they were a tremendous strength too. If I dated today and found someone, would that work? Or would I/we just be 'whatever' when there were a bump in the road and go forward?
Cute dogs are chick magnets and great conversation starters, just sayin
Maybe do a few sets of some pushups and crunches instead of dumbells a couple of times a week, it'll improve your back, shoulders and chest more than just curls and also isn't time consuming.
I get that meeting new ppl in a dating scenario is difficult to feel comfortable in for many reasons. Because of that I always found that being in a group setting with (male) friends I'm already comfortable with and can banter, and mixing that up with a group of girls who I may not be as comfortable with, was a sure way to get the banter and convo going bwteen myself and the ladies, and feeling good and having a fun night. But at a certain point in life that can become a difficult situation to set up.
Well this time, it was me and this other guy talking to the girl and she seemed to like the conversation. She doesn't seem that interested in texts but responds. I'm not sure if it's just her texting style or if she's not interested.
Boris Zubov
No relation to Sergei, Joe
Agreed. I used to lift regularly when I was younger but those days are behind me now. My joints can no longer handle the stress from free weights, so I stick to pushups these days.
@SnowblindNYR This is a simple pushup program I follow, but something I've yet to complete since I've found it. I always get distracted with life about half way through, but it's still a great way to get in shape while challenging yourself.
The 100 pushups training program
I was able to do about 115 pushups without stopping when I was seriously working out in my 20s. Using this program I've been able to max out at about 60 before life gets in the way. I'm actually about to restart it again, so maybe this is the round where I finally push myself to go all the way to 100.
AceKing21
Registered User
I read back a few pages and from what I gather and I could be 1000% off base here is that there is a confidence, self esteem issue. I am by no means a psychologist, but I have been through the roller coaster of "WTF do I do now" relationships. Everyone is different, we each find solace in things differently then others do. My escape has always the gym and boxing training. I do this for many reasons and one being my overall heath and self esteem. However, I find that if I feel better about myself that also equates to my confidence. So find something that makes you happy whether its going to the gym, a run, playing sports, etc. It takes your mind off of the stress and it you feel good about yourself in the meantime.
In terms of the dating situation. Men, women, we all over think. We tend to put negative thoughts into our head and try to solve the problem immediately. Sometimes getting the solution works and sometimes it makes the situation worse. After many years of looking to find an immediate solution, I have over the last couple years taken a step back and thought about different ways to approach things and what the outcomes of each path would likely be. Allowing yourself to think clearly after you've taken a moment helps 100 fold. Like I said, I would always seek an immediate solution while I was angry or upset and 99% of the time it made matters worse. Patience and the ability of self control is not something that comes natural for most people and I have learned that. Step away, take a deep breath, occupy yourself with something else for a little while and then reevaluate how you'd like your approach to be. You will find more often then not that it's completely different then your original thought process.
In terms of the dating situation. Men, women, we all over think. We tend to put negative thoughts into our head and try to solve the problem immediately. Sometimes getting the solution works and sometimes it makes the situation worse. After many years of looking to find an immediate solution, I have over the last couple years taken a step back and thought about different ways to approach things and what the outcomes of each path would likely be. Allowing yourself to think clearly after you've taken a moment helps 100 fold. Like I said, I would always seek an immediate solution while I was angry or upset and 99% of the time it made matters worse. Patience and the ability of self control is not something that comes natural for most people and I have learned that. Step away, take a deep breath, occupy yourself with something else for a little while and then reevaluate how you'd like your approach to be. You will find more often then not that it's completely different then your original thought process.
Yeah this basically feels like a mirror image of my late twenties. I was morbidly obese my whole life until the age of 25 when I dropped it all. 25 years of crippling self esteem issues/lack of confidence caused me to flounder in my dating life when I lost the weight. I had no f***ing clue what I was doing. Date after date after date after date. Always wondering on a first date, where is this going? Could it be a long term thing? Does she like me? Will there be a second date?
Eventually you just learn to block all that shit out, loosen up as much as you can. Quit the staid bar dates. It just becomes routine for both sides. Try something different. Throw some spontaneity in there. My first date with my now wife was at Smorgasburg on a random Sunday afternoon. We started there, wound up walking all around Brooklyn and yes eventually wound up at a bar a few hours later. Good luck out there.
Eventually you just learn to block all that shit out, loosen up as much as you can. Quit the staid bar dates. It just becomes routine for both sides. Try something different. Throw some spontaneity in there. My first date with my now wife was at Smorgasburg on a random Sunday afternoon. We started there, wound up walking all around Brooklyn and yes eventually wound up at a bar a few hours later. Good luck out there.
So I paid $500 for pro photos and outside of the standard bump you get when you delete and reinstall the app I've had absolutely no success. I've reached the point of hopelessness. Like there is absolutely nothing I can do.
Boris Zubov
No relation to Sergei, Joe
It's all attitude at this point, brother. If you think & act like it's hopeless, it will be. If you just changed your train of thought to, "it will happen when it happens", or something similar, the universe would follow suit. Plenty of guys way uglier than you or I have success with women. The difference is they had no limiting beliefs that they weren't good enough or too ugly, etc. You honestly just need a slump buster & the confidence will build from there. Just a matter of not treating this like life or death.
And dating apps suck BTW. Try to meet someone the old fashioned way...in person. Just keep being flirty & being open to random encounters.
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
I would watch Hajek-Tinordi highlights on loop before doing dating apps again.
They are literally the worst thing in the world.
They are literally the worst thing in the world.
I have no ability to meet women organically either. If I did I would have dated when I was younger. I mean, I have to somewhat close female friends but one lives in VA and is 10 years older than me with 5 kids and basically said she's too old for me (I'd want kids and she's passed that). And the other one is technically married but her husband is disabled so we hang out a lot. We basically date platonically. I'm not disgusting to women or anything, I'm just not someone anyone's interested in romantically.
Bob Richards
Mr. Mojo Risin'
i loved dating apps. It’s where people meet me in my most sacred domain: being online
I basically posted as Bob Richards on tinder and shit and it still worked lmfao
419forever
Registered User
A few things, that I will try to keep as organized as possible, because I went through something similar and came out on the other end:
- Attraction is an entity all unto itself and should be treated as such. Most women like confidence and humor, and they want to feel comfortable and protected
- A perceived inability to attract the opposite sex shouldn't be looked at as innate failure; it is a skill that like anything else, some pick up naturally, but most have to learn
- Someone said earlier that dating is all numbers and timing. This is 100% the case. But you have to learn how to build numbers
- Women won't have an ability to be 'interested in you romantically' if you can't get past the attraction stage
- Many will tell you to 'be yourself', which in terms of establishing a relationship, is the most sound advice you can take. The last thing you want to do is develop a relationship with somebody while you are attempting to be somebody that you are not. That being said, if you are constantly second guessing 'yourself' and your ability to begin the dating process, you have taken the first step and recognized that things need to change
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are all sorts of resources out there, if you look hard enough. PM me if you ever want to talk privately
Also, stop it with the older woman and the other woman with the disabled husband. Intentional or not there's all sorts of emotional abuse going on there, much of which is being inflicted on you.
- Attraction is an entity all unto itself and should be treated as such. Most women like confidence and humor, and they want to feel comfortable and protected
- A perceived inability to attract the opposite sex shouldn't be looked at as innate failure; it is a skill that like anything else, some pick up naturally, but most have to learn
- Someone said earlier that dating is all numbers and timing. This is 100% the case. But you have to learn how to build numbers
- Women won't have an ability to be 'interested in you romantically' if you can't get past the attraction stage
- Many will tell you to 'be yourself', which in terms of establishing a relationship, is the most sound advice you can take. The last thing you want to do is develop a relationship with somebody while you are attempting to be somebody that you are not. That being said, if you are constantly second guessing 'yourself' and your ability to begin the dating process, you have taken the first step and recognized that things need to change
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are all sorts of resources out there, if you look hard enough. PM me if you ever want to talk privately
Also, stop it with the older woman and the other woman with the disabled husband. Intentional or not there's all sorts of emotional abuse going on there, much of which is being inflicted on you.
Now is the time to take an extended break. You're exhausting yourself going to all of those speed dating or singles events, causing yourself a lot of mental anguish because the feedback you get doesn't match up with the results you're looking for (getting positive feedback vs. not getting second dates), and just making yourself bitter at the whole idea of women/dating. It doesn't mean you're done dating forever, but take a solid 2-3 months away from anything with the word "dating" or "relationship" in its orbit. With the way your thought process seems to be drifting, I don't think you're really able to go in to any prospective date/dating situation with a truly positive outlook - it's going to be tinged with "Let's see how fast things can go wrong this time."
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
Maybe that's it. I should be Machinehead and my profile picture should be Donnie.
I guess this is fair but I thankfully haven't been to one of those events in a while. I squeezing my stick too hard though (in hockey terms, get your mind out of the gutter).
will1066
If you score four, you better f'n win the game
- Oct 12, 2008
- 52,052
- 75,029
Also support pushups if you want to look and feel better. Doing curls works half your arms -- the front half, your biceps. The real key to bigger arms lies in the triceps. It's the bigger muscle than the biceps. You want that back part of your arms to bulge out. More effective than focusing your front half, especially if your biceps are naturally long. Closed-arm pushups, keeping your elbows tight against your body, work your triceps as well as your chest, lats, back, and shoulders.
BTW, I had added pushups to my workout a couple of weeks ago. I started with 20 and am now at 25. I think my form is good, but I still do it a bit too fast. But I get low and I'm pretty horizontal. My former personal trainer praised my form. I want to get my shoulders bigger and figured pushups will help.
Tob
Registered User
- Sep 16, 2017
- 16,882
- 37,813
I don't think you belong in this thread.
This is for miserable people like me to vent and for Loki to flex (literally).
Tob
Registered User
- Sep 16, 2017
- 16,882
- 37,813
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