OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[I Eat Crow]

It's all mental...you're a little desperate, chicks can sense it & it makes you even more nervous. Rinse, repeat. We've all been there at some point, but you have to figure out a way to relax & get past it. One or two drinks was my way of taking the edge off my awkwardness. Any more than that, you risk the chance of becoming morose or too friendly, if you know what I mean.

The biggest thing is working on your confidence. Try to get a few of your buddies to get together in a place where there's women, but without the specific purpose of meeting women. If you guys are having a good time, telling stories, laughing, being yourselves, women will see that & gravitate toward your group. Simply because you're just out to have fun, not to be a pick up artist.

I'm not endorsing alcoholism, but this worked for me. Rip a shot or two of rum or sambuca and I was ready to go for a night out. Just make sure to chew some gum or suck on a breath mint to get the alcohol stink out of your breath before you arrive to an event or date lol.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

So this is mostly for @SnowblindNYR but just to close out a loop from the beginning of this thread and just pass on information/experiences/etc.

I had mentioned having a friend on the other side of the country who I had hoped to visit and see if there was anything there. We've been friends a very long in a larger social group, a lot in common, etc. you know, there was always this "will they, won't they?" among our bigger group of friends (two friends have always said us ending up together is the perfect tv ending kinda like that show Friends). Not close like we talk every week just always very serious yet at the same time funny conversations we just pick up on, any time we're in the others town we always make it a point to see each other, all that.

Well last month I just said eff it and told her "hey how would you feel if I come visit you?" And after an enthusiastic yes, for the first time since pandemic I left this area and got to spend a few days with her in her turf and the short answer is: nope, we have no future together. Although we're friends that's pretty much as far as it will go. Now that it's out there, that friendship is definitely damaged and probably either done or distant. Like I don't think either of us will pick up the phone and just text/talk for a long time, if ever. Stuff happens.

The point of posting this is not to vilify her, gain sympathy, etc., just more so a few points:

-Attraction much like drafting NHL players is not an exact science. You could be the most compatible people in the world and have the same values but at the end of the day, two people need to have it equally or it's not going to work. I have worked my ass off getting in the best shape of my life (looking like Henry Rollins in his Black Flag days) but she does not feel that attraction to me regardless of how much I'm benching, squatting, and of course my bread and butter...running.

-Keep stacking the prospect pipeline: I basically took myself off the grid during pandemic and while some people could say you "put all you eggs in one basket" I view it not so much as that, but as a reset and I had the opportunity to finish off a very long ongoing story in my life. Regardless, keep your options open because things change.

-It's easier to meet new people than keep working on old situations: once again while we've known each other and been friends for a long time, there was definitely an attraction/interest from me more so than her. I was never really a "main guy" in her world even in the greater social group and there was a lot of baggage between our friends and individually we both have been dealing with especially the last five years. A lot of my growth as a person health wise, career wise, etc. jut didn't register with her. We even independently have ambitions to move to the same town (everyone on this board knows I'm over NY lol) and a lot of that conversation she really wasn't digging on the trip/career progression/etc.

It's also ok to take yourself off the grid/out of the game for a bit. That's what I'll be doing probably the rest of the year. When I came back, it was definitely a deflating feeling because I've really liked her for a very long time, so my diet and fitness have went to shit the last few weeks. So now yes while some people will say "man up, get over it, it was a longshot anyway" as a general rule if you're not having success, get rejected, dumped, I'll even throw out the "friend zone" thing yet many of my more progressive female friends have argued it's a biased and sexist term, call a time out and do other stuff.

I've always been more about trying to hit a home run in relationships then just casually date and get to know someone (aka find someone great who I'm interested in not only looks wise but intellectually and hobby wise; basically someone who is driven, a little nerdy, and adventurous). It hasn't worked and I'm in my late-30s so it's clearly time to try something different....after the time out and getting my shit together. I'm not looking to try and date for at least the next 6-8 weeks minimum. It'll be a fun fall with Oktoberfest, weddings, hockey back soon (as NY sports fans we need it because let's be real, football season is already over as neither the Giants/Jets are doing anything this year), and there is one trip I might do which will make everyone on this board be impressed (hockey related). Plus the work is there, still more room for career growth, and the gym and track remain.

 

[LokiDog]

I don't know if I should be venting about this to a bunch of strangers but I went to a party tonight that was a murder mystery thing, in the same venue was a singles event. I was outgoing and fun at the murder mystery event, maybe at times a bit too much. Then I went to the singles event and my mind just completely went blank and other than playing with foosball some girl I legit didn't speak to one girl. I think my biggest problem is that I get so anxious I have nothing to say. I got from gregarious affable guy (the feedback I usually get) to nothing. If I could translate I'd be fine but I'm really pressing now and feeling the pressure it's getting worse and worse.

This is why I keep preaching authenticity and just getting comfortable with who you are. The same exact person who was at the murder mystery should stroll into the singles event and be exactly the same. You’re not entering a new event. It’s your life. You’re just living your life. A singles event isn’t a separate entity. A date isn’t a separate entity. The murder mystery wasn’t a separate entity. All of it is your life. You have to get comfortable enough to be the same you regardless of the situation.

And yeah, a few drinks help, but I drink a fair amount and I’m very comfortable with that aspect of who I am and being a bit buzzed and still being the same person. If you’re not a drinker, don’t hold your alcohol well, etc. it may not be good advice.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

It's all mental...you're a little desperate, chicks can sense it & it makes you even more nervous. Rinse, repeat. We've all been there at some point, but you have to figure out a way to relax & get past it. One or two drinks was my way of taking the edge off my awkwardness. Any more than that, you risk the chance of becoming morose or too friendly, if you know what I mean.

The biggest thing is working on your confidence. Try to get a few of your buddies to get together in a place where there's women, but without the specific purpose of meeting women. If you guys are having a good time, telling stories, laughing, being yourselves, women will see that & gravitate toward your group. Simply because you're just out to have fun, not to be a pick up artist.

Maybe that's a good idea. I met with my friend that's married today. I was once again in my humble opinion, interesting, funny, charming, and outgoing. I don't think I'm so self unaware that my perception is that off. The feedback I get is that I'm likable and people don't find boring people likable and usually the feedback I get is that I'm not boring and have a good personality. But when the bright lights are on I get anxious. I can do it, I just have to not try to do it. When I went through this matchmaking service I was part of the way there because a date was set up and I didn't have to interest a girl just to speak with her at a party. But I still wasn't fully myself. I'd be interesting to talk to and have interesting conversations but would be less banter-ish than I'd like. What sucks to me is that the supply of men and the power imbalance is so stark now that the second you're boring the girl just goes to the next guy. Men are a commodity. So I don't have much time to get to my best self and feel comfortable.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

So this is mostly for @SnowblindNYR but just to close out a loop from the beginning of this thread and just pass on information/experiences/etc.

I had mentioned having a friend on the other side of the country who I had hoped to visit and see if there was anything there. We've been friends a very long in a larger social group, a lot in common, etc. you know, there was always this "will they, won't they?" among our bigger group of friends (two friends have always said us ending up together is the perfect tv ending kinda like that show Friends). Not close like we talk every week just always very serious yet at the same time funny conversations we just pick up on, any time we're in the others town we always make it a point to see each other, all that.

Well last month I just said eff it and told her "hey how would you feel if I come visit you?" And after an enthusiastic yes, for the first time since pandemic I left this area and got to spend a few days with her in her turf and the short answer is: nope, we have no future together. Although we're friends that's pretty much as far as it will go. Now that it's out there, that friendship is definitely damaged and probably either done or distant. Like I don't think either of us will pick up the phone and just text/talk for a long time, if ever. Stuff happens.

The point of posting this is not to vilify her, gain sympathy, etc., just more so a few points:

-Attraction much like drafting NHL players is not an exact science. You could be the most compatible people in the world and have the same values but at the end of the day, two people need to have it equally or it's not going to work. I have worked my ass off getting in the best shape of my life (looking like Henry Rollins in his Black Flag days) but she does not feel that attraction to me regardless of how much I'm benching, squatting, and of course my bread and butter...running.

-Keep stacking the prospect pipeline: I basically took myself off the grid during pandemic and while some people could say you "put all you eggs in one basket" I view it not so much as that, but as a reset and I had the opportunity to finish off a very long ongoing story in my life. Regardless, keep your options open because things change.

-It's easier to meet new people than keep working on old situations: once again while we've known each other and been friends for a long time, there was definitely an attraction/interest from me more so than her. I was never really a "main guy" in her world even in the greater social group and there was a lot of baggage between our friends and individually we both have been dealing with especially the last five years. A lot of my growth as a person health wise, career wise, etc. jut didn't register with her. We even independently have ambitions to move to the same town (everyone on this board knows I'm over NY lol) and a lot of that conversation she really wasn't digging on the trip/career progression/etc.

It's also ok to take yourself off the grid/out of the game for a bit. That's what I'll be doing probably the rest of the year. When I came back, it was definitely a deflating feeling because I've really liked her for a very long time, so my diet and fitness have went to shit the last few weeks. So now yes while some people will say "man up, get over it, it was a longshot anyway" as a general rule if you're not having success, get rejected, dumped, I'll even throw out the "friend zone" thing yet many of my more progressive female friends have argued it's a biased and sexist term, call a time out and do other stuff.

I've always been more about trying to hit a home run in relationships then just casually date and get to know someone (aka find someone great who I'm interested in not only looks wise but intellectually and hobby wise; basically someone who is driven, a little nerdy, and adventurous). It hasn't worked and I'm in my late-30s so it's clearly time to try something different....after the time out and getting my shit together. I'm not looking to try and date for at least the next 6-8 weeks minimum. It'll be a fun fall with Oktoberfest, weddings, hockey back soon (as NY sports fans we need it because let's be real, football season is already over as neither the Giants/Jets are doing anything this year), and there is one trip I might do which will make everyone on this board be impressed (hockey related). Plus the work is there, still more room for career growth, and the gym and track remain.

Sorry it didn't work out. I have a friend in Virginia that I once admitted feelings for but she lives in Virginia and is 10 years older with 5 kids. When I admitted my feelings, things got awkward and she got a bit red told me she can't but then we continued like nothing happened. Only difference is sometimes I tease her for rejecting me. I'm surprised your relationship has been damaged if you've been close friends. I think reasonable people shouldn't hold it against you for having feelings for them.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

This is why I keep preaching authenticity and just getting comfortable with who you are. The same exact person who was at the murder mystery should stroll into the singles event and be exactly the same. You’re not entering a new event. It’s your life. You’re just living your life. A singles event isn’t a separate entity. A date isn’t a separate entity. The murder mystery wasn’t a separate entity. All of it is your life. You have to get comfortable enough to be the same you regardless of the situation.

And yeah, a few drinks help, but I drink a fair amount and I’m very comfortable with that aspect of who I am and being a bit buzzed and still being the same person. If you’re not a drinker, don’t hold your alcohol well, etc. it may not be good advice.

The thing is, I'm usually comfortable with my ability to be interesting and funny in a natural setting. But these singles events are not that. You meet a person and are supposed to grab their attention. Beyond the boring "what you do?" and "what do you do for fun?" I don't know what to ask. My friend was like "you're a wuss (he used a different term)". He thought it was a fear of rejection and yes there's some of that but it's more complicated than that. If I come to a girl and am funny and interesting and she rejects me for whatever reason I'm actually proud of myself for trying. The fear is not the rejection, the fear is not having anything interesting or just anything to say. If I could have a guarantee that I could have a good conversation with every girl I talk to without any guarantees of not being rejected I'd come up to girls a lot more often AND I guarantee that I'll be successful at least once in a while.

 

[LokiDog]

The thing is, I'm usually comfortable with my ability to be interesting and funny in a natural setting. But these singles events are not that. You meet a person and are supposed to grab their attention. Beyond the boring "what you do?" and "what do you do for fun?" I don't know what to ask. My friend was like "you're a wuss (he used a different term)". He thought it was a fear of rejection and yes there's some of that but it's more complicated than that. If I come to a girl and am funny and interesting and she rejects me for whatever reason I'm actually proud of myself for trying. The fear is not the rejection, the fear is not having anything interesting or just anything to say. If I could have a guarantee that I could have a good conversation with every girl I talk to without any guarantees of not being rejected I'd come up to girls a lot more often AND I guarantee that I'll be successful at least once in a while.

I get what you’re saying, but you’re supposed to be interesting and engaging all the time. You just don’t feel the pressure to do so. But ideally, would you not be? You just allow the singles event to ‘get to you’. I get that it’s not necessarily a “natural” interaction environment, but when you start focusing on it as an event and thinking ‘well what else do I say besides what do you do? What are your hobbies?’ You’ve already “lost”. Just talk about fall being the best time of year, or how you never know what to say at these things, or whatever. Just don’t turn it into a mentally separate event.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I get what you’re saying, but you’re supposed to be interesting and engaging all the time. You just don’t feel the pressure to do so. But ideally, would you not be? You just allow the singles event to ‘get to you’. I get that it’s not necessarily a “natural” interaction environment, but when you start focusing on it as an event and thinking ‘well what else do I say besides what do you do? What are your hobbies?’ You’ve already “lost”. Just talk about fall being the best time of year, or how you never know what to say at these things, or whatever. Just don’t turn it into a mentally separate event.

You know, you bring up a good point. I agree and disagree with you. I think ideally you're interesting and engaging all the time, but I don't think it's expected that you always are. Plus, I think most people aren't that interesting or engaging and they still find dating success. The part I agree with you is that being interesting and engaging IS something that I try for in every social interaction. In fact, I've been criticized sometimes that I overdo it and kind of act like the center of attention. There's something to be said about going overboard and being overbearing but if I were to fail I'd much rather fail for being too loud and overbearing than for being boring and not myself. And I guarantee you that some might think "who is this weirdo?" and others might think "who is this douche?" (although I do a good job of coming off good natured), but not being vanilla someone might be attracted to it.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

Sorry it didn't work out. I have a friend in Virginia that I once admitted feelings for but she lives in Virginia and is 10 years older with 5 kids. When I admitted my feelings, things got awkward and she got a bit red told me she can't but then we continued like nothing happened. Only difference is sometimes I tease her for rejecting me. I'm surprised your relationship has been damaged if you've been close friends. I think reasonable people shouldn't hold it against you for having feelings for them.

I remember you talking about the Virginia thing.

My friend and I are not close in the traditional way. We didn't grow up together so we don't have that childhood history. We met almost a decade ago when I was in my early 30s and her in her late 20s through mutual friends and ended up at few parties/dinners together in the same weekend, and our paths have crossed pretty much at least 1-2x per year. The time she was in NY working about five years ago (it was the night Fast scored a really nifty GWG against the Bruins and the Rangers won 2-1..she was giving me a lot of crap for checking my phone while we were out eating. She never got the hockey stuff. Still doesn't.) was probably my favorite hangout night of the last decade. We've gone through periods of not speaking for weeks or months but then we do talk and have these really deep conversations about life, where we want to move, what we want to accomplish, kids, mortality, and then make fun of each other.

I kind of equate it to two musicians who meet on tour in different bands but get together as a side project and have this amazing and unique chemistry (I'm a huge music nerd so side projects whether an East Coaster/West Coaster, American/Britt/etc. has always fascinated me).

She's very big on boundaries, always has been and she's cut some people out, so I have to let it be and just do my thing. It was basically a "yeah we'll be in touch" but I don't get the sense we will after the cat is out of the bag. We haven't spoken since I left and that was about three weeks ago. There's a lot of baggage in our group and a lot of personal stuff both her and I have individually been working on since pandemic (I talked about it a lot in the beginning of this thread; similar to you, confidence, having more of a connection with people, and fitness among many other things).

I think the toughest part for me in general is I've never been able to land a girl I'm really really into and I've definitely turned down a lot of dates/experiences because I'm just not attracted to someone or I don't view their ceiling as high enough ("can I spend a decade with this person?"). It's not even being picky or beggars can't be choosers, just more that I got very lukewarm. There were at least 3-4 times in college I didn't date when a girl had clear interest in me (I once had a girl who wanted to study with me and said I can't wait to show you my room lol). I have at least a dozen or so stories like this.

In any event to sum it up, like I said, I need to get back on track. Still very deflated from the trip and a lot of the work I've done since pandemic has been stalled so not a good look.

Definitely it's the time to keep a low profile. We both kind of agreed prior to the trip we're not going to go crazy posting IG or FB stories because we didn't want our friends being bleacher creatures/Blue Seaters.

It's also not the time to try and force anything or go nuts with the apps in my opinion. As mentioned above, when something doesn't work out with someone I really like, it's harder for me than actual breakups (which are a relief) and my motivation/drive are all goofed up for a while.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I remember you talking about the Virginia thing.

My friend and I are not close in the traditional way. We didn't grow up together so we don't have that childhood history. We met almost a decade ago when I was in my early 30s and her in her late 20s through mutual friends and ended up at few parties/dinners together in the same weekend, and our paths have crossed pretty much at least 1-2x per year. The time she was in NY working about five years ago (it was the night Fast scored a really nifty GWG against the Bruins and the Rangers won 2-1..she was giving me a lot of crap for checking my phone while we were out eating. She never got the hockey stuff. Still doesn't.) was probably my favorite hangout night of the last decade. We've gone through periods of not speaking for weeks or months but then we do talk and have these really deep conversations about life, where we want to move, what we want to accomplish, kids, mortality, and then make fun of each other.

I kind of equate it to two musicians who meet on tour in different bands but get together as a side project and have this amazing and unique chemistry (I'm a huge music nerd so side projects whether an East Coaster/West Coaster, American/Britt/etc. has always fascinated me).

She's very big on boundaries, always has been and she's cut some people out, so I have to let it be and just do my thing. It was basically a "yeah we'll be in touch" but I don't get the sense we will after the cat is out of the bag. We haven't spoken since I left and that was about three weeks ago. There's a lot of baggage in our group and a lot of personal stuff both her and I have individually been working on since pandemic (I talked about it a lot in the beginning of this thread; similar to you, confidence, having more of a connection with people, and fitness among many other things).

I think the toughest part for me in general is I've never been able to land a girl I'm really really into and I've definitely turned down a lot of dates/experiences because I'm just not attracted to someone or I don't view their ceiling as high enough ("can I spend a decade with this person?"). It's not even being picky or beggars can't be choosers, just more that I got very lukewarm. There were at least 3-4 times in college I didn't date when a girl had clear interest in me (I once had a girl who wanted to study with me and said I can't wait to show you my room lol). I have at least a dozen or so stories like this.

In any event to sum it up, like I said, I need to get back on track. Still very deflated from the trip and a lot of the work I've done since pandemic has been stalled so not a good look.

Definitely it's the time to keep a low profile. We both kind of agreed prior to the trip we're not going to go crazy posting IG or FB stories because we didn't want our friends being bleacher creatures/Blue Seaters.

It's also not the time to try and force anything or go nuts with the apps in my opinion. As mentioned above, when something doesn't work out with someone I really like, it's harder for me than actual breakups (which are a relief) and my motivation/drive are all goofed up for a while.

It's too bad but I'm glad you're taking it in stride!

 

[Machinehead]

I was hanging around Washington Square today and it's like the Museum of Women.

I need to get my nerve to be like

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I just got pro photos of me done for dating apps. Very good experience, though obviously not cheap. They were $500 for an hour (it went over). I was waiting for my VA friend but at a certain point decided I'll just pay. I will say that I only saw a few photos so far and they were good. But haven't seen the best ones yet.

https://www.marinnyc.com/about

If anyone's interested.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

I just got pro photos of me done for dating apps. Very good experience, though obviously not cheap. They were $500 for an hour (it went over). I was waiting for my VA friend but at a certain point decided I'll just pay. I will say that I only saw a few photos so far and they were good. But haven't seen the best ones yet.

https://www.marinnyc.com/about

If anyone's interested.

It's good for professional stuff too. A lot of the people in my company seemed to have done a pro photo shoot they use for their Outlook/LinkedIn and thematically, it looks very similar. So I'm guessing the company had a deal with a photographer at some point.

Tell us more about the shoot: locations/action/etc.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

It's good for professional stuff too. A lot of the people in my company seemed to have done a pro photo shoot they use for their Outlook/LinkedIn and thematically, it looks very similar. So I'm guessing the company had a deal with a photographer at some point.

Tell us more about the shoot: locations/action/etc.

I have a pro photo for LinkedIn, but it was supposed to be for my dating apps, but was lame. But that was another photoshoot that cost like 50 bucks on Groupon.

You can choose the locations for the photos in some places of Brooklyn and Manhattan. I chose one spot but he recommended a spot in Tribeca which was quieter and he recommends a place in Dumbo if it's in the morning. The photos seemed pretty standard but he did a good job of posing me and getting be smile and laugh. I didn't know when to smile and not to smile unless he specifically said it, my only minor complaint but I guess it would be annoying for him to say smile/don't smile for hundreds of photos.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I got my photos back, I think this is my favorite so far.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I went to a speed dating thing on Saturday. I thought I did well, with one notable issue I had with a couple of girls (I don't think it's a big deal but who knows?). Anyway, I got zero matches. At this point I legit think I should give up. Actually trying isn't working for me, so what the f*** is the point? Seriously, if I get the same exact results if I bust my ass and pay money, why should I even try at this point. I'll get myself a dog or something. f*** dating.

 

[Harbour Dog]

I went to a speed dating thing on Saturday. I thought I did well, with one notable issue I had with a couple of girls (I don't think it's a big deal but who knows?). Anyway, I got zero matches. At this point I legit think I should give up. Actually trying isn't working for me, so what the f*** is the point? Seriously, if I get the same exact results if I bust my ass and pay money, why should I even try at this point. I'll get myself a dog or something. f*** dating.

Not trying has been my dating modus operandi my entire life.

Do social stuff, like that bowling league or whatever you want, and always go to them with the intention of just having fun and then going home. Set a rule for yourself that you can't ask women on a date, and be aloof. Just go and be yourself doing something you enjoy. You'll be surprised at how much more confident you become in those situations then.

Maybe something will happen fluidly, and maybe it won't. But it won't be on your shoulders at all. You're just going there to do something fun!

 

[New York RKY]

I went to a speed dating thing on Saturday. I thought I did well, with one notable issue I had with a couple of girls (I don't think it's a big deal but who knows?). Anyway, I got zero matches. At this point I legit think I should give up. Actually trying isn't working for me, so what the f*** is the point? Seriously, if I get the same exact results if I bust my ass and pay money, why should I even try at this point. I'll get myself a dog or something. f*** dating.

You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself. If you go in with only the intentions of looking for dates and you don’t get any then you’ll automatically feel like a failure.

If you changed your mindset going into these events, such as “I’m just here for a good time, whatever happens happens” I bet you’d see better results.

Obviously I’m not there with you in these situations but women can smell desperation like a cheap axe perfume.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself. If you go in with only the intentions of looking for dates and you don’t get any then you’ll automatically feel like a failure.

If you changed your mindset going into these events, such as “I’m just here for a good time, whatever happens happens” I bet you’d see better results.

Obviously I’m not there with you in these situations but women can smell desperation like a cheap axe perfume.

I know, but at some point I want results. And speed dating is for a very specific reason. Singles events may be a social thing, but speed dating is literally for dating, there's no other reason. And matches are a report card. I had a good time though.

 

[New York RKY]

I know, but at some point I want results. And speed dating is for a very specific reason. Singles events may be a social thing, but speed dating is literally for dating, there's no other reason. And matches are a report card. I had a good time though.

The more pressure you put on yourself for “results” the less of said results you’ll see.

Obviously everyone knows why they’re at the speed dating event however each interaction shouldn’t be graded by whether you get a real date or not. Look back and see if you found the person interesting and fun to talk to.

Trust me, I was in your shoes. I put so much pressure on myself to find someone that all of my interactions with women suffered. It was when I was at my lowest point dating wise and ready to give up that I found a match. The reason, I didn’t put any pressure on myself because I went in with the mindset that if it didn’t work then so be it.

 

[broadwayblue]

I know, but at some point I want results. And speed dating is for a very specific reason. Singles events may be a social thing, but speed dating is literally for dating, there's no other reason. And matches are a report card. I had a good time though.

Hey man, go easy on yourself. Dating is all about numbers and timing.

 

[New York RKY]

@SnowblindNYR to add one more thing, we could honestly give you all the advice in the world and I’m sure we’re all happy to BUT it will ultimately be a thing that you’ll have to address on your own.

You won’t start seeing results until you go in and change your mindset from relationship or bust to let me go out and just have a good time.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

@SnowblindNYR to add one more thing, we could honestly give you all the advice in the world and I’m sure we’re all happy to BUT it will ultimately be a thing that you’ll have to address on your own.

You won’t start seeing results until you go in and change your mindset from relationship or bust to let me go out and just have a good time.

The thing is maybe I'm not self aware enough but I don't think I'm talking to these women and sounding desperate. One of the girls I talked in the speed dating, I talked to afterwards with this guy and in the end she said she had a good time and we were hilarious, we exchanged number (I texted her but she didn't seem overly enthusiastic in her replies, I'll try again). I've had dates where I pressed. But I don't think that was it last Saturday. And my dates where I press aren't like they used to be where I'd freeze, I just wouldn't be as interesting as I can be.

 

[New York RKY]

The thing is maybe I'm not self aware enough but I don't think I'm talking to these women and sounding desperate. One of the girls I talked in the speed dating, I talked to afterwards with this guy and in the end she said she had a good time and we were hilarious, we exchanged number (I texted her but she didn't seem overly enthusiastic in her replies, I'll try again). I've had dates where I pressed. But I don't think that was it last Saturday. And my dates where I press aren't like they used to be where I'd freeze, I just wouldn't be as interesting as I can be.

How do you know she wasn’t overly enthusiastic? It’s hard to real that via text. If in fact she isn’t that excited to text with you then why would you try again? Dating is a two way street, again it’s a mindset thing. It’s not just about settling for whichever girl talks with you, they have to be just as interested in you as you are in them. If that’s not the case then there’s no need to force anything because it will just lead to more problems further down the line.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

How do you know she wasn’t overly enthusiastic? It’s hard to real that via text. If in fact she isn’t that excited to text with you then why would you try again? Dating is a two way street, again it’s a mindset thing. It’s not just about settling for whichever girl talks with you, they have to be just as interested in you as you are in them. If that’s not the case then there’s no need to force anything because it will just lead to more problems further down the line.

If she's not that interested I shouldn't text her you're right, but as you said it's hard to tell so I figured I'd give it one more shot.