OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[will1066]

Hey look at how smooth I was with my dog!

*Posts pics showing off his muscles.

Loki was in all the photos. It's due to the cropping by the apps. He was there at the award ceremony and at the gym, in fact.

 

[LokiDog]

Hey look at how smooth I was with my dog!

*Posts pics showing off his muscles.

I didn’t post this one, okay (even though Loki is in it!)? Also didn’t put Loki in every picture so that they could ask more about him. The number of times I simply matched with someone and they messaged me first to say ‘sorry, my dog is definitely cooler’ was an ice breaker at least a dozen times.

But actually, that was a thing to consider. Yeah, I work out a lot and I’m proud to be in good shape, but I chose to post pictures that are flattering and give the impression of being in good shape, but never use “ooh look at my abs” pictures for my profile. I may have been open to hooks ups and stuff, but I was never sexually explicit or crude about picking girls up. It was always humor and flirtation. Even though I wasn’t out for anything serious, I also didn’t want to be like most of the guys they already had in their inbox. It doesn’t mean I didn’t send flattering pictures later on, when it was appropriate though

 

[LokiDog]

Loki was in all the photos. It's due to the cropping by the apps. He was there at the award ceremony and at the gym, in fact.

Loki WAS at the award ceremony. He was something of a mascot for our squadron. My buddy Skiler (k9 handler) held him at the back of the auditorium. We all went camping straight from the graduation. In the gym, he’s the spirit animal I harness. A 50lb staffy.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I didn’t post this one, okay (even though Loki is in it!)? Also didn’t put Loki in every picture so that they could ask more about him. The number of times I simply matched with someone and they messaged me first to say ‘sorry, my dog is definitely cooler’ was an ice breaker at least a dozen times. View attachment 464955
But actually, that was a thing to consider. Yeah, I work out a lot and I’m proud to be in good shape, but I chose to post pictures that are flattering and give the impression of being in good shape, but never use “ooh look at my abs” pictures for my profile. I may have been open to hooks ups and stuff, but I was never sexually explicit or crude about picking girls up. It was always humor and flirtation. Even though I wasn’t out for anything serious, I also didn’t want to be like most of the guys they already had in their inbox. It doesn’t mean I didn’t send flattering pictures later on, when it was appropriate though

You know seeing your pictures and knowing most of these girls have multiple guys like you to choose from makes me think that this is all hopeless.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Good luck man!!!

Thanks, I decided to just ask her out today rather than wait till tomorrow. Since it seems she doesn't check bumble all the time figured I'd give her an extra day.

 

[LokiDog]

You know seeing your pictures and knowing most of these girls have multiple guys like you to choose from makes me think that this is all hopeless.

Like me? Nahhhh

They have lots of guys in their inbox. Period. But I like to think that my hard work has made me a bit more unique. I'm the same weight K'Andre is listed at but 7 inches shorter and likely as lean, and I believe that I'm well rounded, well spoken and have a pretty unique set of experiences. And sure, I didn't hide that I was fit, but I like I said, I kept my profile PG and relied on humor and good conversation. Of course it helps to be fit, but I don't think many women were looking at my profile and saying "damn, that dude's like 210 pounds! I bet his deadlift is crazy!" As long as you have flattering and interesting images on your profile, you're good. Try to show some of who you are rather than a bunch of selfies. The military ceremony is a bit of a brag, but also shows that I'm successful and employed. The one in the car with Loki is kind of silly and unflattering but shows a sense of humor. The other one with Loki reenforces the dog dad theme. Let your pictures speak about you.

 

[GoAwayPanarin]

Part 2.

During this stretch of success for me, my dating profile probably looked like this:




Matt, 31 (almost 35 now, Jesus)
5’10, Military
Just a dog and his dad. We’re probably too cool for you.

View attachment 464936 View attachment 464937 View attachment 464938 View attachment 464940 View attachment 464943

And I leveraged the shit out of Loki being adorable in at least half of my conversations. I’d send 5 pictures of Loki before one of me. I’d insist that Loki was cooler than their dog and that we’d have to meet to have a definitive ruling. Obviously you don’t want to over do anything, but gushing about your animal makes you seem sensitive and vulnerable, I’d wager. Granted I also had thinks like tattoos and military working for me, to counter the effects of coming across as too much of a softy.

Obviously not everyone has a dog and no one has a Loki (one of a kind), but everyone has interesting and endearing things about them. A simple tag line like the one I used was very effective. You don’t need to write a bio. Leave some mystery (and something for yourself to talk about). Don’t try to be too cool in your profile. Humor works. Borrow a friends dog for a picture if you have to. Dogs are a great ice breaker.

Then, when you have a match, don’t be boring and vanilla and safe in your approach. You have like 2-3 messages to grab this girls attention or someone else will. Hey, how’s your day going?
Is lame. Hey, awesome dog, what breed is that?! Is good. Hey, it says you’re a Rangers fan, me too! Isn’t a good opener, especially if you’re profile says that already. So, what do I have to do to take you to a Rangers game? Is a good opener.

And switch the conversation to text. It’s not hard. Just have to go for it.

Didn't read any of this, just saw the dope sleeve and needed to comment on it.

 

[LokiDog]

Didn't read any of this, just saw the dope sleeve and needed to comment on it.

Appreciate it. It's bigger now, and my other arm has a full norse themed mural. Well, it's about 70% done and needs some shading, but almost full.

Edit: here’s some of the progress and the drawing. I drew the tattoo, the body’s not mine

 

[New York RKY]

@Loki Dog 74 the girls aren’t on here stop posting pictures of yourself

Although side note you may have just picked up @Uninstaaled lol

 

[LokiDog]

@Loki Dog 74 the girls aren’t on here stop posting pictures of yourself

Although side note you may have just picked up @Uninstaaled lol

Mission accomplished. That's a prestigious poster. A catch.

 

[GoAwayPanarin]

@Loki Dog 74 the girls aren’t on here stop posting pictures of yourself

Although side note you may have just picked up @Uninstaaled lol

Lol as if it took the tats to do that.

 

[JESSEWENEEDTOCOOK]

Every time I get unhappy with little aspects of my marriage I open this thread and feel a thousand times better.

Want some advice if you're looking for a long term companion? Stop worrying so much about looks.

yea ok dude go talk to john redcorn then come back to this thread

 

[Fitzy]

yea ok dude go talk to john redcorn then come back to this thread

John Redcorn is gay but keep that between us

 

[SnowblindNYR]

 

[will1066]

I didn’t post this one, okay (even though Loki is in it!)? Also didn’t put Loki in every picture so that they could ask more about him. The number of times I simply matched with someone and they messaged me first to say ‘sorry, my dog is definitely cooler’ was an ice breaker at least a dozen times.
View attachment 464955
But actually, that was a thing to consider. Yeah, I work out a lot and I’m proud to be in good shape, but I chose to post pictures that are flattering and give the impression of being in good shape, but never use “ooh look at my abs” pictures for my profile. I may have been open to hooks ups and stuff, but I was never sexually explicit or crude about picking girls up. It was always humor and flirtation. Even though I wasn’t out for anything serious, I also didn’t want to be like most of the guys they already had in their inbox. It doesn’t mean I didn’t send flattering pictures later on, when it was appropriate though

Must've been embarrassing all those times your pants fell down while on dates.

 

[LokiDog]

Must've been embarrassing all those times your pants fell down while on dates.

Yes, yes, that's exactly why they were off.

 

[Tob]

Appreciate it. It's bigger now, and my other arm has a full norse themed mural. Well, it's about 70% done and needs some shading, but almost full.

Edit: here’s some of the progress and the drawing. I drew the tattoo, the body’s not mine
View attachment 464971 View attachment 464972 View attachment 464973

dropping @Killem Dafoe and his flabby dad bod as my favorite mod

 

[LokiDog]

By the way @SnowblindNYR, while being fit may have helped with getting matches, the proof that the looks are superficial and the conversation and ability to just be comfortable as yourself is in the pudding… or in my case, padding. When I met my fiancé I was recently separated from the military and still very close to the pictures I posted earlier, fitness wise (which is why that’s what was on my profile). By the time we got engaged my military six pack had become a civilian keg (+) and I’d grown 6+ months of unkempt beard. She’s a professional fitness trainer. Looks may have helped me to match initially, but they aren’t what makes you “match” beyond that first, superficial, swipe right crap. I’m not saying I’ve let myself go, but if she’d only been into my looks and not my love of Lord of the Rings and GoT, etc. we never would have had more than a handful of dates. Personality and being comfortable to be yourself is all that matters.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

By the way @SnowblindNYR, while being fit may have helped with getting matches, the proof that the looks are superficial and the conversation and ability to just be comfortable as yourself is in the pudding… or in my case, padding. When I met my fiancé I was recently separated from the military and still very close to the pictures I posted earlier, fitness wise (which is why that’s what was on my profile). By the time we got engaged my military six pack had become a civilian keg (+) and I’d grown 6+ months of unkempt beard. She’s a professional fitness trainer. Looks may have helped me to match initially, but they aren’t what makes you “match” beyond that first, superficial, swipe right crap. I’m not saying I’ve let myself go, but if she’d only been into my looks and not my love of Lord of the Rings and GoT, etc. we never would have had more than a handful of dates. Personality and being comfortable to be yourself is all that matters.

Yeah but getting the initial match and dates is really important. I'm horrible unphotogenic. I actually think I look better in real life than in photos (not that I'm Brad Pitt in real life). As a result I barely ever get likes. You need that foot in the door unless you're the type of guy that can just come talk to any girl (I'm not at all that).

 

[will1066]

Yeah but getting the initial match and dates is really important. I'm horrible unphotogenic. I actually think I look better in real life than in photos (not that I'm Brad Pitt in real life). As a result I barely ever get likes. You need that foot in the door unless you're the type of guy that can just come talk to any girl (I'm not at all that).

Have you considered hiring a photographer and doing a shoot? Not indoors, in a portrait studio or anything -- unless it's a got a green screen and you can then go to town with the cosplay (and don't you be getting any LoTR ideas, @Loki Dog 74) -- but outdoors, possibly at well-known spots, in casual wear and "poses." Glamour shots are almost a requirement in today's saturated dating market. Black-and-white shots are more flattering too. Get your hair done. A photographer might even get you to do a little makeup (seriously).

I'm picturing a b/w shot of you looking up with a semi-surprised expression while drinking your espresso or coffee. It's inquisitive, flirtatious, while kinda obscuring your entire face, in order to address your un-photogenic "problem."

Look through the pages of any Esquire celebrity interview/photo-op for inspiration. lol

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Have you considered hiring a photographer and doing a shoot? Not indoors, in a portrait studio or anything -- unless it's a got a green screen and you can then go to town with the cosplay (and don't you be getting any LoTR ideas, @Loki Dog 74) -- but outdoors, possibly at well-known spots, in casual wear and "poses." Glamour shots are almost a requirement in today's saturated dating market. Black-and-white shots are more flattering too. Get your hair done. A photographer might even get you to do a little makeup (seriously).

I'm picturing a b/w shot of you looking up with a semi-surprised expression while drinking your espresso or coffee. It's inquisitive, flirtatious, while kinda obscuring your entire face, in order to address your un-photogenic "problem."

Look through the pages of any Esquire celebrity interview/photo-op for inspiration. lol

I did an indoors photoshoot and it didn't work well. I contacted my dating coach she recommended a photographer when I took her class and I didn't want to use her because she's $500 and I thought I'd use my friend but she works in Virginia and I figured I'd just bite the bullet and pay.

 

[LokiDog]

I did an indoors photoshoot and it didn't work well. I contacted my dating coach she recommended a photographer when I took her class and I didn't want to use her because she's $500 and I thought I'd use my friend but she works in Virginia and I figured I'd just bite the bullet and pay.

I would say don't do a "professional" photo shoot. I wouldn't think of it as a shoot. I'd get any friend you're comfortable with to go out with you for a regular day of hanging out, be that grabbing a beer, walking around the city, whatever... and just ask them if they could do you the favor of taking as many candid pictures of you as possible. Then wear your Sunday best (not literally - just dress well) and be conscious to stand up straight and stuff, but just be yourself and go about the day. Don't pose. Don't stare at the camera. Just get them to take like 100 pictures and then go through them at the end of the day and find 5 that just caught you at a good angle or in the middle of laughing or looking particularly cool.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I would say don't do a "professional" photo shoot. I wouldn't think of it as a shoot. I'd get any friend you're comfortable with to go out with you for a regular day of hanging out, be that grabbing a beer, walking around the city, whatever... and just ask them if they could do you the favor of taking as many candid pictures of you as possible. Then wear your Sunday best (not literally - just dress well) and be conscious to stand up straight and stuff, but just be yourself and go about the day. Don't pose. Don't stare at the camera. Just get them to take like 100 pictures and then go through them at the end of the day and find 5 that just caught you at a good angle or in the middle of laughing or looking particularly cool.

Thanks, I'll consider that.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

I don't know if I should be venting about this to a bunch of strangers but I went to a party tonight that was a murder mystery thing, in the same venue was a singles event. I was outgoing and fun at the murder mystery event, maybe at times a bit too much. Then I went to the singles event and my mind just completely went blank and other than playing with foosball some girl I legit didn't speak to one girl. I think my biggest problem is that I get so anxious I have nothing to say. I got from gregarious affable guy (the feedback I usually get) to nothing. If I could translate I'd be fine but I'm really pressing now and feeling the pressure it's getting worse and worse.

 

[Boris Zubov]

I don't know if I should be venting about this to a bunch of strangers but I went to a party tonight that was a murder mystery thing, in the same venue was a singles event. I was outgoing and fun at the murder mystery event, maybe at times a bit too much. Then I went to the singles event and my mind just completely went blank and other than playing with foosball some girl I legit didn't speak to one girl. I think my biggest problem is that I get so anxious I have nothing to say. I got from gregarious affable guy (the feedback I usually get) to nothing. If I could translate I'd be fine but I'm really pressing now and feeling the pressure it's getting worse and worse.

It's all mental...you're a little desperate, chicks can sense it & it makes you even more nervous. Rinse, repeat. We've all been there at some point, but you have to figure out a way to relax & get past it. One or two drinks was my way of taking the edge off my awkwardness. Any more than that, you risk the chance of becoming morose or too friendly, if you know what I mean.

The biggest thing is working on your confidence. Try to get a few of your buddies to get together in a place where there's women, but without the specific purpose of meeting women. If you guys are having a good time, telling stories, laughing, being yourselves, women will see that & gravitate toward your group. Simply because you're just out to have fun, not to be a pick up artist.