Jojo the shit people do on the beach is ludacrous. I know I already kind of explained this but you HAVE to picture watching 2 dudes in crocs, tee shirts, and those suits with the big cargo style side Velcro pockets fighting with this tarp. Trying to get the long leg/pocket things untangled and laying it out flat with the wind blowing...not even that windy I might add. It takes multiple tries to get this situated- one corner blows, the other blows, the side blows....Then the sand. Human adults with small shovels (we have used huge clam shells for generations to dig on the beach btw, like actual pros). Scoop after scoop after scoop into all four pockets. These things ended up being the size of actual sand bags. Then it's time for the poles. They gauge the wind like they're Ferdinand Magellan..."well I think it's coming more like south-southeast". It was unbelievable. Poles go up. They fall. They get readjusted. The thing is flapping like crazy. Readjustment. Puzzled, one of them removes their hat. "You know I think the wind has shifted, it's off the land a bit more now." The other agrees. Pole readjustment #3. Then they're finally happy, and they sit in their enormous, foot and a half off the ground beach chairs. You've got to be f***ing kidding me.
I'm mesmerized by all of this from my blankie 30 feet away behind my sunglasses, on my stomach with my head turned to the right, laying on my cheek listening to Steely Dan, collecting sweat on the small of my back and catching some sweet rays like a non-shoobie. It was so f***ing embarrassing. Unbelievable.