Of all the middle aged posters here with both parents still alive and kids, how many of you have reached the point where your parents are more of a problem than your kids? I'm there, probably been there for a bit.
Kid is graduating HS and about to leave for college in a few months. She can learn quickly and abruptly about all the things she hasn't paid enough attention to me for the last couple years (what it means to be truly dedicated to work/school, finances, budgeting, living healthy, etc). Meanwhile, my parents seem more than willing to fill the gap when my daughter leaves, with a lack of awareness or perspective, health, finances...whatever comes next, who knows.
When family doesn't seem to care enough about their health, or plays the "tough it out" routine to the point if asinine stupidity, ending up worse off than if they just addressed the problem appropriately and on time, it's hard to get worked up and care when things go south. It's like watching a drug addict who won't seek treatment, it's just self-destruction painted on a different canvas.
My parents met and married late in life for their era (mid-late 1960's,. Dad 35, mom 29). My dad died 33 years ago, mom 7. There were of an era (born & raised in the depression) when you didn't go to doctors. My dad more so that way of avoidance than my mom. I recall his adult injuries (and description of injuries of he and his siblings in their youth) which today would be considered neglect if you didn't go for medical treatment. He eventually had internal digestive and organ issues, etc., and, despite surgeries and medications, eventually went on medical disability in the mid-late 1970s (when it was easier to qualify). I recall the regurgitating bile, vomiting blood, etc. I remember offering to donate blood for him when I was not old enough to do so.
Family friends (parents' friends) of that vintage with similar attitudes and behaviors. I could name-drop Buffalo / WNY business names (and/or political players, and youth hockey teams) and I know some here would know these people. Work every day until they retire despite walking pneumonia, bronchitis, etc. Don't see doctors more than the minimum and keep drinking and chain smoking despite diabetes, heart issues, obesity, etc., but they 100% kept praying the rosary. I loved them all.
Sometimes you need to accept the stubborn nature of loved ones. I was a dumbass and sliced into my index finger lengthwise on my table saw a few years ago. Was home on a Friday afternoon about 1:30PM. Wasn't even drinking. Bandaged it up and was going to keep working but I figured when my wife found out, it would be a worse outcome than the ER visit, so I called her at work and she came home to take me for stitches (there wasn't much to stich, it was pretty mutilated - what the ER Dr. called "mush").
My mom had a mild heart attack and didn't even call anyone. Went to her Dr. a few days later, was admitted to hospital and had an episode a couple days later and passed. Didn't want to be resuscitated. Not being morbid, but sometimes peoples attitudes and terms aren't yours/ours.
Good for them. My in-laws are both dead and took much the same approach as my parents are now. I used to get frustrated but it's reached a point that I can only shake my head. I've already accepted that they will never take my word or advice, not even when it's in the area of my profession, and refuse to accept that they can't blow health concerns off at their age. I just wait for the phone call that one of them is dead. For now, one is just in the hospital and will miss my daughter's graduation, simply from ignoring fairly obvious symptoms for 3-4 days (like puking bile).
I learned a long time ago just how tough I am, but I've never felt the need to prove it by ignoring obvious medical concerns.
(Too add to the above)
@Dubi Doo posted a few pages back about recognizing elevated blood pressure. With my Dr.'s knowledge, I lived with BP higher than that for years before finally getting medication.
At least they seem to be addressing issues, mostly. My dad waited until his major joints were near useless before finally having replacement surgery. He waited so long for a shoulder replacement that his bicep couldn't be re-attached to the shoulder. It shriveled up and couldn't reach that far. But is he taking it easy and puttering around the house? No. He insists on working as an auto mechanic, and just a couple weeks ago screwed up his other replaced shoulder after insisting on taking a heavy tire off a car by himself. It's almost like he's a masochist and wants sympathy or recognition for sacrificing himself, when really he just can't accept getting old.
MId-1980s: My dad in his mid-50s was rotating the tires on a Plymouth Valiant (Dodge Dart) when (standing on) the tire-iron for the lug nuts cut his lower leg the entire length of his shin to the bone. He didn't go for stitches, just bandaged it up. NASTY laceration. Then realized the passenger-side wheel lugs were reverse-threaded.
That sounds familiar. A lot of "I'll just do this myself" from my dad too, including after the hurricane that rocked their neighborhood. He's out there with a bad ticker, working in the sun like he's not in his 80's, but doing it in a way where I'm thinking "which hospital still has a roof".
Yep. That's just the way many people of that era are.
And that aura / era of inherent indestructability is special. Case in point: How the hell is Keith Richards still alive????? I mean seriously?????
