i see your jim benning comics and raise you my 2011 canucks fan fiction. always love the excuse to dust this off—
prospectus for an ibsen play, or a boston-themed martin scorsese movie
dramatis personae
BC born superduperstar center: joe sakic
fill-in defenseman: aaron rome
former canucks defenseman #1: jim benning
former canucks defenseman #2: colin campbell
fourth line agitator #1: derek dorsett
fourth line agitator #2: brandon prust
other team's fourth line agitator: shawn thornton
stalwart western league defenseman #1: glen wesley
stalwart western league defenseman #2: dan hamhuis
trevor linden: trevor linden
young but slow-to-develop power forward #1: cam neely
young but slow-to-develop power forward #2: zack kassian
young, developed power forward #1: milan lucic
young, developed power forward #2: nathan horton
ACT ONE
- canucks trade
young but slow-to-develop BC born power forward #1 along with a draft pick a year in the future (note: the team finished 4th worst in the league that season)
- canucks finish 3rd worst, other team drafts
stalwart western league defenseman #1; but--- local
BC-born future superduperstar center who was way better than pederson was on the table, albeit as a reach at #3 (who am i kidding? we would have taken western league defenseman/bust dean chynoweth with that pick)
[intermezzo: June 6, 1986 - trade in question; June 8, 2005 - young slow-to-develop power forward #1 inducted to hockey hall of fame; June 5, 2008 - stalwart western league defenseman #1 announces retirement]
ACT TWO
- 25 year later, canucks make the stanley cup finals.
young slow-to-develop power forward #1 is now a reputedly influential front office guy on the other team after a HHOF career. his team has two
young, developed power forwards who each resulted from the original trade (wesley --> samsonov pick --> lucic pick; wesley --> mclaren pick --> jeff jilsson --> brad boyes --> dennis wideman --> horton). his assistant GM is
former canucks defenseman #1 from the sucky pederson era.
- game 1 of the finals, best canucks defensemen, a.k.a.
stalwart western league defenseman #2, gets injured delivering a hip check to other team's
young, developed power forward #1 early in the second period, gets injured, out for the season
- game 3 of the finals, early in the first period, score tied 0-0, canucks up 2-0 in the series but down their
best defensemen, with their next three biggest minute-eating d-men also nursing injuries (ehrhoff - shoulder; bieksa - MCL; edler - rumoured broken fingers; but sami salo—surprisingly healthy),
fill-in defenseman delivers hit on other team's
young, developed power forward #2. ejected from the game, canucks implode defensively, other team's physical game woken up, lose 8-1.
- next day,
former canucks defenseman #2 rules in favor of his son's team, suspends
canucks fill-in defensemen for the year; canucks d pairs remain in disarray, lose three of the next four games.
[intermezzo: other team's fourth line agitator returns to lineup in victorious game 3 after many healthy scratches; after game 5 victory, in which fourth line agitator played only four minutes, he averages an unprecedented >10'30" in lopsided game 6 and 7 victories, cited as a difference-maker in the series.
@2:50]
ACT THREE
- organizational meltdown ensues; best core in team history gets dismantled over next three seasons; canucks brass, haunted by humiliating physical battles lost to other team, blame the loss on lack of toughness.
- three years later,
former canucks defenseman #1, now canucks GM, overpays with a 3rd round pick for a
fourth line agitator #1.
- nine months later,
former canucks defenseman #1 unfathomably re-signs
fourth line agitator #1 for four years at $2.65 million per. justifies deal by praising agitator's mentorship of his
young but slow-to-develop power forward #2.
- two months later,
former canucks defenseman #1 gives away
young but slow-to-develop power forward #2, with a 5th round pick, for
fourth line agitator #2 ($2.5 million cap hit); justifies the trade by saying
fourth line agitator #2 will mentor the young kids.
fourth line agitator #1 (and his $2.65 million cap hit) still at large.
EDIT:
EPILOGUE
- five years later, financial audit reveals that
former canucks defenseman #1 was a spy all along.
trevor linden removes own eyeballs.