OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[aufheben]

If you are thinking in such ways I think its important that you do speak to someone. I've lost both my parents in the last two years so I do understand how our minds can work but its important to realize in time grief lessons. Im concerned about you making these kind of statements. If you do not have a therapist maybe consider one over Zoom. You have value in this world girlfriend or no girlfriend.

I do, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’m sorry for your losses.

 

[NickyFotiu]

I do, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’m sorry for your losses.

Between your honesty and having 2 professionals Im hoping you will make it through this rough time. You always have us as well.

 

[Lindberg Cheese]

I do, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’m sorry for your losses.

A lot of us have been in dark places, hang in there. Let’s focus on happy things like trade deadline, who do you want?

 

[Boris Zubov]

A little off topic but your son is what my not even remotely white Dominican wife wants to give her (looks-wife).

I think Loki is free on weekends if you need him to pinch hit....

 

[mas0764]

Kids are the best. I like my kid more than my wife.

There will be plenty of awful days with kids where they are no fun at all and prevent you from doing what you want to do.

But they never stop being a joy and I think too many people miss that. Like, yeah, being up at 2 am with a baby or not being able to go to the bar again ever cause you have a 4 year old or your 7 year old doesn’t listen to shit you say, it sucks, big time.

But kids also give you a joy deep down in your heart that is really satisfying at the end of the day. And I think the people who can’t tap into that joy are (1) not in touch with themselves enough deep down or are too concerned with superficial things and (2) are really missing the big picture.

 

[Boris Zubov]

There will be plenty of awful days with kids where they are no fun at all and prevent you from doing what you want to do.

But they never stop being a joy and I think too many people miss that. Like, yeah, being up at 2 am with a baby or not being able to go to the bar again ever cause you have a 4 year old or your 7 year old doesn’t listen to shit you say, it sucks, big time.

But kids also give you a joy deep down in your heart that is really satisfying at the end of the day. And I think the people who can’t tap into that joy are (1) not in touch with themselves enough deep down or anre too concert with superficial things and (2) are really missing the big picture.

That's a giant generalization & not remotely true for everyone.

 

[mas0764]

That's a giant generalization & not remotely true for everyone.

Cool, that’s what I think though.

I don’t care what other people do or don’t do. Have kids, don’t have kids. Not my concern.

But I do think that most people who say they don’t want kids are missing the big picture. And I’m not sure all of them have been properly advised on the positives and negatives.

 

[Boris Zubov]

Cool, that’s what I think though.

I don’t care what other people do or don’t do. Have kids, don’t have kids. Not my concern.

But I do think that most people who say they don’t want kids are missing the big picture. And I’m not sure all of them have been properly advised on the positives and negatives.

Yet you keep making generalizing statements. LOL.

I know better not to engage you at all in any hockey discussions & I should've taken my own advice here too. I'm not going to derail this thread by continuing the same mistake.

 

[Kane One]

Basically same story for me but slightly newer lol how strange .. tho it's pretty much over for me before it began... let me know what you did how it turns out for you .


Well " Love kills" indeed.

So I went a couple days without talking to her and it sucked. I told her how I still want to be friends and we’re now good. As much as it sucks that she’s not into me right now, it feels a lot better talking to her again. It also really helped that we both have a mutual friend whom I was venting to, and I think she was venting to that same person too.

I hope one day whenever she’s ready to date again that she’ll maybe be into me, but I’m not going to put myself on hold for her.

 

[Kane One]

Cool, that’s what I think though.

I don’t care what other people do or don’t do. Have kids, don’t have kids. Not my concern.

But I do think that most people who say they don’t want kids are missing the big picture. And I’m not sure all of them have been properly advised on the positives and negatives.

I don’t want kids because mental illness runs hard as f*** in my family and I don’t want to pass that on. There are probably lots of other people with similar health related reasons too. And others just don’t want that responsibility.

 

[Boris Zubov]

I don’t want kids because mental illness runs hard as f*** in my family and I don’t want to pass that on. There are probably lots of other people with similar health related reasons too. And others just don’t want that responsibility.

Don't bother...Carnac knows what's best for everyone.

 

[Kane One]

Don't bother...Carnac knows what's best for everyone.

Carnac?

 

[Boris Zubov]

Carnac?

I'm laughing because I assumed everyone knows who he was...

 

[Kane One]

I'm laughing because I assumed everyone knows who he was...

View attachment 815189

I’ve seen this picture and in meme form but I had no idea the character’s name. Obviously that’s Johnny Carson though.

 

[mas0764]

I don’t want kids because mental illness runs hard as f*** in my family and I don’t want to pass that on. There are probably lots of other people with similar health related reasons too. And others just don’t want that responsibility.

Obviously people with serious health concerns would fall outside my admitted generalization.

But people who “don’t want the responsibility” of kids would fall in it. And that’s more of them than those who have health concerns.

Again, your choice. I’m not telling anyone what they have to do. But I think most people who conclude that kids are too much work for them, are considering it at a very superficial level. And in an unwise immediate gratification level.

We all make decisions like this so I’m not saying anyone is better than anyone else either; but that doesn’t mean I can’t find a flaw in the decision making process.

 

[mas0764]

Yet you keep making generalizing statements. LOL.

Statements that are generalizations aren’t wrong just cause they are generalizations.

I’m not telling you or anyone on here that they’ve made the wrong choice.

But if someone made a decision that they want to be a homeless starving artist because they don’t want to sit at a desk their whole life I would suggest that perhaps they haven’t thought it all the way through either.

The situation is obviously on a different level completely, but it shares some characteristics. For most people.

There's something deeper and more wonderful about having kids that I don't think people really understand and yeah, many of them only think about how hard it is, or the impact to their career, etc. Those things aren't always as important to you as they are in your 20s, and what's more, I don't think they consider the deeper satisfaction that it brings. I don't even think that angle has been pointed out to them or considered.

 

[NickyFotiu]

So I went a couple days without talking to her and it sucked. I told her how I still want to be friends and we’re now good. As much as it sucks that she’s not into me right now, it feels a lot better talking to her again. It also really helped that we both have a mutual friend whom I was venting to, and I think she was venting to that same person too.

I hope one day whenever she’s ready to date again that she’ll maybe be into me, but I’m not going to put myself on hold for her.

Perfect way of looking at things. Stay friends. That is worthwhile. If more is meant to be in the future then it will be.

Years ago I was really in to a hot friend who was dating someone else. A year later she realized her feelings for me grew. By that time I was no longer interested. For years she would get annoyed that Id date others. I would just say "4 words" and smile. It drove her nuts because she knew those 4 words were," you had your chance".

 

[aufheben]

That's a giant generalization & not remotely true for everyone.

It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and I lost the person I loved because of it. Then everyone comes in here talking about awesome kids are and how you’re not living a full life without them.

 

[DialUp]

I hope one day whenever she’s ready to date again that she’ll maybe be into me, but I’m not going to put myself on hold for her.

Hold yourself to that; try not to compare her to people you date (you aren't dating this woman, so it's irrelevant).

Any hope with this one might be the worst thing for you and your future relationships. It will cloud your judgement. Even though you want to be "friends" there is a big imbalance here, and there's leverage she has you won't be able to shake off.

Staying friends, the best case scenario is what? You invite each other to your weddings? Most likely you two will stay in contact for a bit then drift away. Your future relationships may or may not like you staying in contact with someone you are hung up on.

Worst case scenario, you start dating other people, she gets jealous (not because she wants you romantically, but doesnt want to lose your attention) and sabotages your prospects.

Don't mean to sound negative, but the *ODDS* are low for this ending well. A wonderful friendship could flourish, but how would you react if she starts texting you about relationship problems since you two are such good friends?

 

[Boris Zubov]

It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and I lost the person I loved because of it. Then everyone comes in here talking about awesome kids are and how you’re not living a full life without them.

It's bullshit & and an unfair blanket statement, so ignore it. Everyone is different & we all need to find our happiness from different sources. For some that comes from kids, for others it comes from their work, & for certain people it comes from the journey of acquiring knowledge & life experience. There is no right or wrong, but it's absurd to say everyone can't be fulfilled or find true joy unless they have kids.

 

[NickyFotiu]

It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and I lost the person I loved because of it. Then everyone comes in here talking about awesome kids are and how you’re not living a full life without them.

Worst thing to do is have kids if you are sure you do not want them. That is unsustainable. Some people always wanted kids. Some do eventually but not now. Some never do. There is no right or wrong to the do you want kids question and nobody can tell you how to feel about it.

 

[mas0764]

It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and I lost the person I loved because of it. Then everyone comes in here talking about awesome kids are and how you’re not living a full life without them.

For the record, while kids are awesome, I'm not saying you aren't living a full life or can't live a full life without them. I'm not saying you personally did not consider it or did not make the right decision. I don't know you essentially at all (and neither do most of the other posters on here, if not all of them).

I would say that you shouldn't take the advice of some blockheads on a hockey message board (myself included) too seriously one way or the other. You are doing the right thing by speaking to professionals on this matter.

 

[will1066]

A little off topic but your son is what my not even remotely white Dominican wife wants me to give her (looks-wise).

Seeing you happy in love and marriage brings tears to my eyes.

 

[Machinehead]

Here are my thoughts on kids.

I was at the Knicks game last week. Great experience overall. One problem was that every time they did the "de-fense!" thing this maybe 4-year-old kid sitting right next to me shrieked "offense!!" all the way into my eardrum just because he wanted to do something different.

It was a great game but there was a vibe of "I paid $118 to get a migraine and an earache" for the first half.

Halfway through the third quarter, the little snot fell asleep and I could enjoy the game again. The Knicks then proceeded to stage a huge comeback, so naturally, the logical conclusion is that his incessant yelling was causing us to lose.

My dad is always pressuring me about grandkids. I texted him during the game and said "we got a cat, be happy with the cat."

 

[TheGortonConspiracy]

I’ve seen this girl like 10 times. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go exclusive and if I see us being bf/gf soon.
She’s cool, great personality, we are compatible in a lot of ways. But part of me wants to aim higher. It’s such a curse living in nyc, so many attractive people. Not sure what to say, basically bought myself a little time with her to respond.