Eh, I’ve been in this situation before and it pretty much never works out for me but my fingers are crossed. How did yours end before it began?
We have all been there. Those feelings will pass. There are 8 billion people in the world. You will find one that is a good fit. Please keep your chin up and if you get the blues speak to us here.
I tried. She didn’t respond. She hates me so much. It’s so unfair, I was a good boyfriend. She’s treated me like I was abusive or unfaithful.
Her not responding is a response. I know its not the response you hoped for but if she treated you that way maybe you are putting her on a pedestal that is not deserved.
Piece of advice - you have to learn to accept things that are not in your control. This is something you have to actually work on, it doesn't "just happen" if you simply wish for it or say it. One way to start doing it would be an approach where for every negative thought, anxiety about future or missed opportunity etc you immediately identify 3 positive developments that happened as a result of a bad situation, and in case of concerns about the future - also 3 factors why negative situation won't occur. Again it is WORK that you have to do.
Sorry, what? Is this your interpretation of her not responding, or did she flat out accuse you of being abusive/unfaithful with no rationale?
It’s not just her not responding. She doesn’t have to talk to me if she doesn’t want to, I told her as much. But she was so cold and angry when we broke up the guilt has been driving me insane.
Give it a day or two. If she doesn’t respond, close the door and move on. There are plenty of great women out there. Go find one.
Maybe I missed something but I have not read anything you would have such large guilt about. Did you mislead her in any way? How long were you together?
9 months. She told me up front she wanted to foster and eventually adopt, and I naively went along with it because I thought I could do anything for her. She finally finished all her foster care classes, so we had a long talk about it one Friday night. I said I needed to think about it on my own and left (first thing I feel guilty about). She wasn’t upset with me at all she said she was proud of me for being honest.
Wow that is an interesting situation. I do not think either one of you were in the wrong. She is entitled to want to foster kids and you are entitled to not want to even if that means you changed your mind. I do not have any advice but I think your guilt and her being so upset shows you both had real genuine feelings. Even if it did not work out it sounds like you both sincerely cared.
I also feel guilty that I couldn’t force myself to be on board with kids. I feel like something is wrong with me for not wanting kids. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.
Yeah obviously there are no perfect people but I understand. Nothing wrong with you not wanting kids. Many people do not nowadays including females. I never wanted kids but now I wonder if I made the wrong decision. Sometimes people are just on different time frames. I'm very sorry you are feeling so much anguish about this. I really respect your honesty.
With most things, I feel like both parties can compromise. However, having kids (whether fostering or not) is sadly one of the very few things that you can't really compromise on.
Like I said it was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I don’t know if it was the right one. Sometimes (like right now FFS) I feel like I’ve thrown my entire life away. I’ve never had to decide something like that before.
I have to be honest. I’m terrified I’ll have to be hospitalized if I can’t figure this out on my own.
If you are thinking in such ways I think its important that you do speak to someone. I've lost both my parents in the last two years so I do understand how our minds can work but its important to realize in time grief lessons. Im concerned about you making these kind of statements. If you do not have a therapist maybe consider one over Zoom. You have value in this world girlfriend or no girlfriend.
