You only live once. I'd rather make mistakes than never try. You can always just say that you have thought about her a lot and that you want to apologize for XYZ. Worst comes to worst she will not answer or say screw you. In either case you lose nothing.
If she means that much to you, yes reach out. I once reached out long after a breakup. Worked out pretty well…now have been married to that red haired girl for 48 years.
Underrated advice.
I think that's very difficult to achieve when it starts off with one person having strong unrequited feelings for the other.
I just started with this. I’ll see what she writes back. But I have a feeling this is going to be pretty much toast. It is what it is.
If it's toast, it's better to find out now than to drag it out. It sucks, but it's not like you're ending an actual intimate relationship.
I’m terrified that she hates me or worse doesn’t even think about me. Unless she suddenly decides she doesn’t want kids there isn’t a way to reconcile. She’s doing foster care on her own now, I guess it’s possible it turns out not what she signed up for.
I get that, but it sounds like it was a bit of a one sided friendship if she wasn't considering your feelings. Maybe that's me projecting, however.
A relationship (platonic or romantic) has to serve both people. If it’s only serving her, you shouldn’t feel bad if it ends. It does not make you a bad person. You have to do what’s best for you. No one is entitled to your friendship.
If it's eating you up so badly, you have nothing to lose with texting her. Worst case, she ignores it or tells you she isn't interested. About 6 months ago, I had reached out to a girl I dated about 3-4 years ago because I felt I really, really f***ed up with not pursuing her harder. Just something about seeing if she was interested in reconnecting. She got back to me a couple days later saying she was flattered, but that she was seeing someone. I went from thinking about her constantly to her not even being a blip in my brain, almost instantly. All of the potential "what-ifs" dissipated in that second and it almost felt like a weight was lifted. I wasn't sitting in a purgatory I created for myself and while it wasn't the response I was hoping for, at least I knew I could re-assign that headspace to other things.
Well one way or another you will have your answer and then you can move on. If she was not meant to be the next one may be. Good luck.
You will either get a positive response or finality. Either way, that’s a better place than where you are today.
And if she is, how is that going to change the last ~6 months, or the next 6? Try not to be so concerned with what she's thinking about/what she thinks about you. Like I did for myself, you're making this inescapable purgatory for yourself that won't end until 1) you truthfully and wholly get over it and move on, or 2) reach out to get answers to your uncertainty.
I think I did a bad job explaining. It’s not really one sided at all. Just that she definitely has way more shit going on than I do. It’s not like she doesn’t listen to my issues.
if you are going to be miserable either way, call her.
Probably not a good idea. Odds are you won't get what you want out of that.
I know I want kids, but I’m a bit nervous going into things (we’re planning to start trying this summer): having our lives revolve around them and not having them around once they leave for college. I’m terrified of an empty nest after having a full nest, if that makes sense.
I might come off sounding super insensitive here, but have you given any serious thought about what a relationship would be like with someone who sounds like they are extremely unhappy. Not that I blame her with her health limiting the things she can do. I know from experience how physical ailments can really interfere with quality of life. I'm just not sure I'd want to inherit those issues as part of a new relationship. There's a giant sacrifice for certain things that you might not be fully aware of or even considering in a circumstance like this. Plus it sounds like she needs to heal herself mentally & adapt to her new reality.
Don’t worry, this wasn’t insensitive at all.
You'll change as they change. Don't project current you to future you.
