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OT: Relationship Advice Thread

Anyone here have any experience/advice on asking a coworker out? It’s a super corporate environment if that helps.

Thankfully aside from standard sexual harassment rules, dating coworkers is allowed here.

I found this article which all sounds like solid advice but I’m wondering if anyone here did it differently.

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Kane One said:
Anyone here have any experience/advice on asking a coworker out? It’s a super corporate environment if that helps.

Thankfully aside from standard sexual harassment rules, dating coworkers is allowed here.

I found this article which all sounds like solid advice but I’m wondering if anyone here did it differently.

Kinda Frugal

Kinda Frugal is a frugal living blog all about getting ahead and building the life you want by earning more, spending less, and sticking to a budget. Being
officetopics.com officetopics.com
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Asking for your mom....Is she jewish?
 
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Speaking from experience, I've peed in the company pool more than a few times...none of them ended well. Not saying you shouldn't do it, but the company policy/sexual harassment stuff aside, it took my focus away from my work & it also got old being around the person I was dating ALL the time.

In today's culture, I'd very reluctant to entertain this at all. I said this to Snowblind & I'll repeat it to you....people are crazy these days. Someone may start off being extremely cool, but when emotion & relationships are involved, people (specifically women) become extremely irrational. Last thing you need is relationship drama overlapping at work. lf you really like your job, it's not worth it. It's way easier to find a different woman to ask out than it is to find a job you're happy with.

Kane One said:
Also to add to the joke from yesterday, one of my siblings is not only married to a non-Jew, but she’s Italian.
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I'm doing the same in reverse. Italians & jews can be a great mix.
 
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Boris Zubov said:
Speaking from experience, I've peed in the company pool more than a few times...none of them ended well. Not saying you shouldn't do it, but the company policy/sexual harassment stuff aside, it took my focus away from my work & it also got old being around the person I was dating ALL the time.

In today's culture, I'd very reluctant to entertain this at all. I said this to Snowblind & I'll repeat it to you....people are crazy these days. Someone may start off being extremely cool, but when emotion & relationships are involved, people (specifically women) become extremely irrational. Last thing you need is relationship drama overlapping at work. lf you really like your job, it's not worth it. It's way easier to find a different woman to ask out than it is to find a job you're happy with.


I'm doing the same in reverse. Italians & jews can be a great mix.
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Thanks. I’ve been completely checked out of work for a few months, and based on all of Snowblind’s posts in the career advice thread, he probably is too.

I was considering giving notice the day of the holiday party, but then that same day I formed this crush on her. So I don’t mind it f***ing up my work lol. Thankfully I’m in a high demand field, that despite all the tech layoffs recently, have a specific niche in it that I can go somewhere else fairly easily.
 
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Kane One said:
Thanks. I’ve been completely checked out of work for a few months, and based on all of Snowblind’s posts in the career advice thread, he probably is too.

I was considering giving notice the day of the holiday party, but then that same day I formed this crush on her. So I don’t mind it f***ing up my work lol. Thankfully I’m in a high demand field, that despite all the tech layoffs recently, have a specific niche in it that I can go somewhere else fairly easily.
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Honestly, maybe I'm going off personal experience here but don't take the hysterical "don't EVER date a coworker" advice in this thread to heart. It's not nearly as black and white as people are making it out to be. Judge for yourself if you're willing to live with potentially negative consequences and whether it'll make things awkward or might get you in trouble because the potential reward is definitely worth it. Not just for me but one of my best friends has been married to a former coworker for 15 years and has two kids. Don't take everything you read in this thread at face value and have a black and white approach.

If I listened to the well meaning but IMHO off base people in this thread I would be alone now and my life would be so much different.

Though I don't work with my GF that much and we live in different countries so it's not like we run into each other in the office every day. So judge for yourself.

Finally, the "there are plenty of other women out there who aren't coworkers" advice is bullshit, IMHO. First of all there aren't that many women that are a good fit for us personally, also if you live in NYC there are way too many women that are a bad fit for EVERYONE, third you're doing nothing wrong so why artificially omit potential good matches and happiness?
 
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SnowblindNYR said:
Honestly, maybe I'm going off personal experience here but don't take the hysterical "don't EVER date a coworker" advice in this thread to heart. It's not nearly as black and white as people are making it out to be. Judge for yourself if you're willing to live with potentially negative consequences and whether it'll make things awkward or might get you in trouble because the potential reward is definitely worth it. Not just for me but one of my best friends has been married to a former coworker for 15 years and has two kids. Don't take everything you read in this thread at face value and have a black and white approach.

If I listened to the well meaning but IMHO off base people in this thread I would be alone now and my life would be so much different.

Though I don't work with my GF that much and we live in different countries so it's not like we run into each other in the office every day. So judge for yourself.

Finally, the "there are plenty of other women out there who aren't coworkers" advice is bullshit, IMHO. First of all there aren't that many women that are a good fit for us personally, also if you live in NYC there are way too many women that are a bad fit for EVERYONE, third you're doing nothing wrong so why artificially omit potential good matches and happiness?
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Speaking for myself, nothing I said to you or to Kane was "hysterical". I'm ecstactic for you that things are going well. I hope it works out for you long term, but you'd be quite naïve to believe there isn't another way this could go for you or anyone else. He asked for advice & it would be unrealistic not to point out the potential hazards. I gave my personal experience with this....nobody got fired & the cops were never called, nothing like that, but it was f***ing uncomfortable for awhile until my ex found a new job (unrelated to us breaking up). I got off easy....but there's also people out there that for them it ends BADLY.

I'm aware there's plenty of success stories out there as well. I'm not blind to the fact that a ton of happy couples meet at work. However I don't feel it's worth the risk if someone really likes his or her job. Kane doesn't seem to give a shit about that however, so in his case I say go full steam ahead.
 
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Boris Zubov said:
Speaking for myself, nothing I said to you or to Kane was "hysterical". I'm ecstactic for you that things are going well. I hope it works out for you long term, but you'd be quite naïve to believe there isn't another way this could go for you or anyone else. He asked for advice & it would be unrealistic not to point out the potential hazards. I gave my personal experience with this....nobody got fired & the cops were never called, nothing like that, but it was f***ing uncomfortable for awhile until my ex found a new job (unrelated to us breaking up). I got off easy....but there's also people out there that for them it ends BADLY.

I'm aware there's plenty of success stories out there as well. I'm not blind to the fact that a ton of happy couples meet at work. However I don't feel it's worth the risk if someone really likes his or her job. Kane doesn't seem to give a shit about that however, so in his case I say go full steam ahead.
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Well you weren't the only one saying this. And it seems like very few people were like "be careful". The vibe I got was "under no circumstances!" Also, maybe it's my privilege talking but even as someone that doesn't do well in interviews to me it's still "just a job". If Kane's a single father or struggling financially maybe it's different but he's a privileged single person then I'd say the risk of having to find another job is WAY overshadowed by the benefit of potentially finding love. I also think sexual harassment is not the boogeymen some people make it out to be, just asking someone out I don't believe is sexual harassment in every case. I know the whole #MeToo movement spooked a bunch of guys but I also think it's gone the other way, every woman out there isn't looking to ruin every guy's life who dare ask her out.
 
Kane One said:
Also to add to the joke from yesterday, one of my siblings is not only married to a non-Jew, but she’s Italian.
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My family was never ever upset about me being gay; they had more of a problem with me never dating any Jewish men. :laugh:

It's weird how religious endogamy is still a thing for some people.
 
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Megustaelhockey said:
My family was never ever upset about me being gay; they had more of a problem with me never dating any Jewish men. :laugh:

It's weird how religious endogamy is still a thing for some people.
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I have a friend who was super adamant that I should only ever marry a Jew and I would get into arguments with him. I had a conversation with my 90 year old grandfather once and told him that my friend thinks that the most important criteria for marriage is if the girl is Jewish and my grandfather said "no the most important criteria is that she's a good person" and that was one more example of why my grandpa gets it (or got it RIP) more than most people much younger.
 
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So a pretty intense post coming up, please be warned.

I had a very stressful 3 weeks. Long story short I had chest pain ended up doing a CT scan, my heart was fine but they found lesions on my back. They were worried it might be cancerous. I was sent to get a PET scan. The results of the PET scan were mixed and inconclusive but recommended to do further tests. My doctor had the most negative interpretation of it possible and said things like "there's something there" and when I asked if I have cancer said "most likely, yes". So I was shitting bricks for a week. I made an appointment with a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering and he basically told he doesn't see much and doesn't see what the radiologist was seeing. Then I had an MRI yesterday. Today I was told that I have some spots on my spine that were denser than the rest of the bone but they don't appear to be destructive and are unlikely (I think he might have even said HIGHLY unlikely) a tumor of any kind, whether benign or malignant. I just have to get an MRI follow up in 4 months to see if there's any change. I still have lesions elsewhere in my body but my take from the doctor at MSK and others was that those were not as much of a concern as my spine.

Why do I post this in the relationship thread? Because the silver lining of this incredible ordeal was that I got closer to my GF and it really showed her character by how much she supported me. She read my PET scan report multiple times and researched the terminology and was there as support throughout the process (albeit a couple of times she got really down herself). Unless I screw this up or there's going to be immigration issues I can't imagine her not being the one.
 
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SnowblindNYR said:
So a pretty intense post coming up, please be warned.

I had a very stressful 3 weeks. Long story short I had chest pain ended up doing a CT scan, my heart was fine but they found lesions on my back. They were worried it might be cancerous. I was sent to get a PET scan. The results of the PET scan were mixed and inconclusive but recommended to do further tests. My doctor had the most negative interpretation of it possible and said things like "there's something there" and when I asked if I have cancer said "most likely, yes". So I was shitting bricks for a week. I made an appointment with a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering and he basically told he doesn't see much and doesn't see what the radiologist was seeing. Then I had an MRI yesterday. Today I was told that I have some spots on my spine that were denser than the rest of the bone but they don't appear to be destructive and are unlikely (I think he might have even said HIGHLY unlikely) a tumor of any kind, whether benign or malignant. I just have to get an MRI follow up in 4 months to see if there's any change. I still have lesions elsewhere in my body but my take from the doctor at MSK and others was that those were not as much of a concern as my spine.

Why do I post this in the relationship thread? Because the silver lining of this incredible ordeal was that I got closer to my GF and it really showed her character by how much she supported me. She read my PET scan report multiple times and researched the terminology and was there as support throughout the process (albeit a couple of times she got really down herself). Unless I screw this up or there's going to be immigration issues I can't imagine her not being the one.
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That's awesome to hear bro about the g/f!

I hope nothing changes and you're able to put this scare behind you too.
 
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SnowblindNYR said:
So a pretty intense post coming up, please be warned.

I had a very stressful 3 weeks. Long story short I had chest pain ended up doing a CT scan, my heart was fine but they found lesions on my back. They were worried it might be cancerous. I was sent to get a PET scan. The results of the PET scan were mixed and inconclusive but recommended to do further tests. My doctor had the most negative interpretation of it possible and said things like "there's something there" and when I asked if I have cancer said "most likely, yes". So I was shitting bricks for a week. I made an appointment with a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering and he basically told he doesn't see much and doesn't see what the radiologist was seeing. Then I had an MRI yesterday. Today I was told that I have some spots on my spine that were denser than the rest of the bone but they don't appear to be destructive and are unlikely (I think he might have even said HIGHLY unlikely) a tumor of any kind, whether benign or malignant. I just have to get an MRI follow up in 4 months to see if there's any change. I still have lesions elsewhere in my body but my take from the doctor at MSK and others was that those were not as much of a concern as my spine.

Why do I post this in the relationship thread? Because the silver lining of this incredible ordeal was that I got closer to my GF and it really showed her character by how much she supported me. She read my PET scan report multiple times and researched the terminology and was there as support throughout the process (albeit a couple of times she got really down herself). Unless I screw this up or there's going to be immigration issues I can't imagine her not being the one.
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Im really happy to hear she’s there for you and just wanted to wish ya the best with everything happening.

In the future If you need any help with immigration stuff send me a msg. Long story short I just married my wife (I’m a Canadian she’s from NYC) so we are going through the process of getting me a green card atm. It’s a pain but 100% do able :) Just takes a lot of time
 
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SnowblindNYR said:
So a pretty intense post coming up, please be warned.

I had a very stressful 3 weeks. Long story short I had chest pain ended up doing a CT scan, my heart was fine but they found lesions on my back. They were worried it might be cancerous. I was sent to get a PET scan. The results of the PET scan were mixed and inconclusive but recommended to do further tests. My doctor had the most negative interpretation of it possible and said things like "there's something there" and when I asked if I have cancer said "most likely, yes". So I was shitting bricks for a week. I made an appointment with a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering and he basically told he doesn't see much and doesn't see what the radiologist was seeing. Then I had an MRI yesterday. Today I was told that I have some spots on my spine that were denser than the rest of the bone but they don't appear to be destructive and are unlikely (I think he might have even said HIGHLY unlikely) a tumor of any kind, whether benign or malignant. I just have to get an MRI follow up in 4 months to see if there's any change. I still have lesions elsewhere in my body but my take from the doctor at MSK and others was that those were not as much of a concern as my spine

Why do I post this in the relationship thread? Because the silver lining of this incredible ordeal was that I got closer to my GF and it really showed her character by how much she supported me. She read my PET scan report multiple times and researched the terminology and was there as support throughout the process (albeit a couple of times she got really down herself). Unless I screw this up or there's going to be immigration issues I can't imagine her not being the one.
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I hope you have good health. Stay on top of the Doctors to follow up. Great to hear you found someone genuine . Best wishes to you both.
 
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Taluss said:
Im really happy to hear she’s there for you and just wanted to wish ya the best with everything happening.

In the future If you need any help with immigration stuff send me a msg. Long story short I just married my wife (I’m a Canadian she’s from NYC) so we are going through the process of getting me a green card atm. It’s a pain but 100% do able :) Just takes a lot of time
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My wife is still waiting for her green card and she’s been here 8 years. She’s legal, work authorization, all that she needs but immigration is an absolute pain in the ass.
 
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