mja
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
I’ll have you know the only porn we do at Lakehurst is disaster porn.
NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot - Discussion / Draft Thread - PHASE FOURTEEN! Part One!
- Thread starter Captain Dave Poulin
- Start date
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I’ll have you know the only porn we do at Lakehurst is disaster porn.
Chuck Downie
Cheese and olive
Hollywood Cannon
I'm Away From My Desk
Pick will be made in probably an hour or so when HCette gets ready for work.
Hollywood Cannon
I'm Away From My Desk
Alright so without further adieu we’re ready to make our pick.
The Las Vegas Desert Ducks are overjoyed to be able to add his person to our franchise. It’s possibly the most important pick we’ve made thus far.
So with that said, we’re proud to announce as our Team TV/Movie Lawyer... Vincent LaGuardia Gambini (aka Jerry Gallo, aka Jerry Callo so loophole closed on that one)
Frankly I’m shocked and embarrassed that you guys let him fall to me. That’s just poor drafting on all of your parts.
@Magua you’re up. Also,
The Las Vegas Desert Ducks are overjoyed to be able to add his person to our franchise. It’s possibly the most important pick we’ve made thus far.
So with that said, we’re proud to announce as our Team TV/Movie Lawyer... Vincent LaGuardia Gambini (aka Jerry Gallo, aka Jerry Callo so loophole closed on that one)
Frankly I’m shocked and embarrassed that you guys let him fall to me. That’s just poor drafting on all of your parts.
@Magua you’re up. Also,
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My top two lawyers off the board just like that. This is early 2000's Penguins drafting level rigged!
ajgoal
Almost always never serious
- Jun 29, 2015
- 9,843
- 28,579
Never thought there'd be a run on Lawyers in here.
DancingPanther
Foundational Titan
- Jun 19, 2018
- 33,775
- 72,008
I feel like the pickins are slim so they're going like hotcakes
ajgoal
Almost always never serious
- Jun 29, 2015
- 9,843
- 28,579
They're only slim if you have no imagination.
Probably more good TV/movie lawyers than real ones.
Hollywood Cannon
I'm Away From My Desk
I’m not kidding when I say that was the most important pick I’ve made since this started.
ajgoal
Almost always never serious
- Jun 29, 2015
- 9,843
- 28,579
And yet you got it wrong.
Lord Defect
Secretary of Blowtorching
- Nov 13, 2013
- 18,782
- 34,818
Top of the listAlright so without further adieu we’re ready to make our pick.
The Las Vegas Desert Ducks are overjoyed to be able to add his person to our franchise. It’s possibly the most important pick we’ve made thus far.
So with that said, we’re proud to announce as our Team TV/Movie Lawyer... Vincent LaGuardia Gambini (aka Jerry Gallo, aka Jerry Callo so loophole closed on that one)
Frankly I’m shocked and embarrassed that you guys let him fall to me. That’s just poor drafting on all of your parts.
@Magua you’re up. Also,
DancingPanther
Foundational Titan
- Jun 19, 2018
- 33,775
- 72,008
Magua
Entirely Palatable Product
Really tempted to pick a lawyer, since apparently we have some legal simps here, but I simply need to select someone for my spite band. I want to spew my miasma of hatred into the atmosphere to really kick things off. Emphasis on kick. Stomping, really. I'll probably need a good lawyer after this.
The Honolulu Ghibli, with bugged out twitchy eyes, announce as the first member of our Band of Horseshit.......Steve Vai (vocals/guitar, technically).
What a f***ing douche nozzle. This dumbass is a parody of an 80s rock guitarist who escaped the land of fiction and forgot he was a parody. He just looks like a bozo, with his leathery outfits and tassels and feathered hair and colored glasses. That twisty orgasmic pretend face this egomaniac makes when playing guitar hero elevator music. Steve Vai's love for Steve Vai goes up to 11.
Lord have mercy. The worst part is he has monstrous technical talent as a guitarist. He just has the greatest sin a musician can have that makes all physical talent null and void: no ear whatsoever. He's like a hockey player who hotdogs in practice and can't do anything effective in an actual game. Combine all that with zero lack of restraint in his playing and a narcissistic streak a mile wide. If this bumfire of the vanities actually came across a REAL feeling in his music, it would be crushed under the weight of his ego. His music has less soul than Dr. Faustus. Even his guitar tone is audial diarrhea.
A triple necked guitar! Steven, tell us you're compensating for something without telling us you're compensating for something. I'm seething right now. Spittle is flying so hard it's striking all those f***ing chimes he uses in his music.
****
@ajgoal -- calm me down, man, calm me down
The Honolulu Ghibli, with bugged out twitchy eyes, announce as the first member of our Band of Horseshit.......Steve Vai (vocals/guitar, technically).
What a f***ing douche nozzle. This dumbass is a parody of an 80s rock guitarist who escaped the land of fiction and forgot he was a parody. He just looks like a bozo, with his leathery outfits and tassels and feathered hair and colored glasses. That twisty orgasmic pretend face this egomaniac makes when playing guitar hero elevator music. Steve Vai's love for Steve Vai goes up to 11.
Lord have mercy. The worst part is he has monstrous technical talent as a guitarist. He just has the greatest sin a musician can have that makes all physical talent null and void: no ear whatsoever. He's like a hockey player who hotdogs in practice and can't do anything effective in an actual game. Combine all that with zero lack of restraint in his playing and a narcissistic streak a mile wide. If this bumfire of the vanities actually came across a REAL feeling in his music, it would be crushed under the weight of his ego. His music has less soul than Dr. Faustus. Even his guitar tone is audial diarrhea.
A triple necked guitar! Steven, tell us you're compensating for something without telling us you're compensating for something. I'm seething right now. Spittle is flying so hard it's striking all those f***ing chimes he uses in his music.
****
@ajgoal -- calm me down, man, calm me down
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DancingPanther
Foundational Titan
- Jun 19, 2018
- 33,775
- 72,008
But I don't want to bring annoying musicians with us into the QV
Magua
Entirely Palatable Product
They're being tortured on the journey and then ejected out the airlock before we hit the inter-dimensional rift. It's all gonna be k.
ajgoal
Almost always never serious
- Jun 29, 2015
- 9,843
- 28,579
We're very disappointed that some of our top spite band picks are unavailable. Weinberg. Garcia. Lennon/Mccartney/Harrison. Lavigne. That's a pretty spiteworthy group right there. But there are plenty of other fish we can fry (literally?), and honestly, while we would enjoy being the ones to set up their torture and eventual demise, if anyone else picks them, we still win. So we shall wait.
We're confident that the wrong lawyers will continue to get picked, as well. What are the other categories? We'll figure it out. So here we go. Get this out of the way, like yanking off a duct tape band-aid.
Despite the fact that I post in a hockey forum, and like the sport and love my team despite its well-documented flaws, I generally have the ability to shut off games if I'm not enjoying myself. I can even stop following my teams for stretches if it's not enjoyable. I'm not such a die hard where I usually lose sleep or otherwise get seriously upset when my team loses.
Except for this. Hopefully, this will end up like our team phobia, and get purged from existence forever. So when that happens, you all know who to thank.
Yeah, it's the chalk pick. But damned if it still doesn't hurt a bit.
Team terribad sports moment: Patrick Kane
@Captain Dave Poulin
We're confident that the wrong lawyers will continue to get picked, as well. What are the other categories? We'll figure it out. So here we go. Get this out of the way, like yanking off a duct tape band-aid.
Despite the fact that I post in a hockey forum, and like the sport and love my team despite its well-documented flaws, I generally have the ability to shut off games if I'm not enjoying myself. I can even stop following my teams for stretches if it's not enjoyable. I'm not such a die hard where I usually lose sleep or otherwise get seriously upset when my team loses.
Except for this. Hopefully, this will end up like our team phobia, and get purged from existence forever. So when that happens, you all know who to thank.
Yeah, it's the chalk pick. But damned if it still doesn't hurt a bit.
Team terribad sports moment: Patrick Kane
@Captain Dave Poulin
Hollywood Cannon
I'm Away From My Desk
JojoTheWhale
2.5 Murrays Above Replacement
- May 22, 2008
- 35,546
- 110,130
Really tempted to pick a lawyer, since apparently we have some legal simps here, but I simply need to select someone for my spite band. I want to spew my miasma of hatred into the atmosphere to really kick things off. Emphasis on kick. Stomping, really. I'll probably need a good lawyer after this.
The Honolulu Ghibli, with bugged out twitchy eyes, announce as the first member of our Band of Horseshit.......Steve Vai (vocals/guitar, technically).
What a f***ing douche nozzle. This dumbass is a parody of an 80s rock guitarist who escaped the land of fiction and forgot he was a parody. He just looks like a bozo, with his leathery outfits and tassels and feathered hair and colored glasses. That twisty orgasmic pretend face this egomaniac makes when playing guitar hero elevator music. Steve Vai's love for Steve Vai goes up to 11.
Lord have mercy. The worst part is he has monstrous technical talent as a guitarist. He just has the greatest sin a musician can have that makes all physical talent null and void: no ear whatsoever. He's like a hockey player who hotdogs in practice and can't do anything effective in an actual game. Combine all that with zero lack of restraint in his playing and a narcissistic streak a mile wide. If this bumfire of the vanities actually came across a REAL feeling in his music, it would be crushed under the weight of his ego. His music has less soul than Dr. Faustus. Even his guitar tone is audial diarrhea.
A triple necked guitar! Steven, tell us you're compensating for something without telling us you're compensating for something. I'm seething right now. Spittle is flying so hard it's striking all those f***ing chimes he uses in his music.
****
@ajgoal -- calm me down, man, calm me down
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
On the bright side, this saves me probably an hour of typing up a rant.
It sucks that I have to share my diary with you before I can share my diarrhea with you.
I am on the clock, which almost never happens, and won't happen again for an eternity. I have my pick ready, and I can't wait to type out all my thoughts about this toothy c***, and then go back over it a thousand times to correct all the spelling errors. F***, I'm angry!!!!! @DancingPanther is on deck. This isn't what you would call his "wheelhouse" - he tends to be very forgiving and permissive and positive when it comes to music. He's nice about it. Too nice? The sweet spot probably lies somewhere between the two of us, but our differences are what make us interesting. Or some shit, I don't know. @GKJ is on the lido deck, and I have noticed that he also tends to make excuses for things that he should just go ahead and hate outright. Spite-deficient? Maybe. High? Definitely. @Hurricane28 is on the lido afterdeck. We don't know too much about the meteorologist, except that he's a meteorologist. GKJ is going to have to lean on that information when making his rivalry pick.
I'm in the middle of "Itaewon Class" on Netflix. There's a trick to watching a K-Drama. The key is in knowing that the shlock is coming, because when you know it is coming you can absorb it without giving it any thought and surf the treacle until they get to the meat. They are very, very manipulative, these K-Dramatists - they get you right in the feels. Bull's eyes every time. Waterworks every time. Just a drip, but it's liquid. Hey, guess who said that? She did.
I'll put together the directors draft after I make my pick and destroy a civilization. I should be done before noon, hopefully, so keep your powder dry.
I am on the clock, which almost never happens, and won't happen again for an eternity. I have my pick ready, and I can't wait to type out all my thoughts about this toothy c***, and then go back over it a thousand times to correct all the spelling errors. F***, I'm angry!!!!! @DancingPanther is on deck. This isn't what you would call his "wheelhouse" - he tends to be very forgiving and permissive and positive when it comes to music. He's nice about it. Too nice? The sweet spot probably lies somewhere between the two of us, but our differences are what make us interesting. Or some shit, I don't know. @GKJ is on the lido deck, and I have noticed that he also tends to make excuses for things that he should just go ahead and hate outright. Spite-deficient? Maybe. High? Definitely. @Hurricane28 is on the lido afterdeck. We don't know too much about the meteorologist, except that he's a meteorologist. GKJ is going to have to lean on that information when making his rivalry pick.
I'm in the middle of "Itaewon Class" on Netflix. There's a trick to watching a K-Drama. The key is in knowing that the shlock is coming, because when you know it is coming you can absorb it without giving it any thought and surf the treacle until they get to the meat. They are very, very manipulative, these K-Dramatists - they get you right in the feels. Bull's eyes every time. Waterworks every time. Just a drip, but it's liquid. Hey, guess who said that? She did.
I'll put together the directors draft after I make my pick and destroy a civilization. I should be done before noon, hopefully, so keep your powder dry.
GKJ
Global Moderator
- Feb 27, 2002
- 192,867
- 43,414
I already know what I’m picking for some of these. I think.
ajgoal
Almost always never serious
- Jun 29, 2015
- 9,843
- 28,579
That recast category is going to be awesome.
mja
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
My write-ups on these are going to be pithy. f*** spending any time on these f***s.
BiggE
SELL THE DAMN TEAM
Good morning @Captain Dave Poulin , while I love films, I’m gonna pass on the directors draft. I’ve just got too much going on these days and one draft is enough. Thanks and sorry for the late notice
@Magua started off the Spite Supergroup picks excellently, and as you can see, @JojoTheWhale agrees. One of my favorite things about this category is that it is going to unleash Jojo's bile, which we don't get to see as often as I would like. Spite is great, isn't it? MORE MORE MORE! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, I am going to try to compose myself enough to write this out without too many asterisks.
So this toothy c*** is absolutely top of my list of musicians I hate. I loathe him so much that it shocks even me, living my life on top of this melted-down radioactive blast furnace, but I think it is proportionate to what he has done to my eyes and ears and brain.
I was out there letting the chickens out and seeing them shit all over the patio made me think of him and wonder, quote, "Why do you hate him so much?" The fact is that this is what I referenced the other day - a case of something or someone being so obviously shit that you shouldn't have to justify to people why you are calling them shit. You have functioning eyeballs, right? Just look at the c***. Just look at the mule teeth in this c***'s face. Do I really have to explain why this is a Grade A thunderc***? Really?
I don't know, the sight of him just set me off right from the very beginning, even before he started smiling at everyone. I mean, the reason he started smiling at everyone was because he was stealing all that money. Can you even imagine hating your money enough that you would give it to him? It's only about a trillion times worse than wasting it on the Flyers. F***, man, how stupid can you be? Are you deaf? Even if you are deaf, are you blind too for f***'s sake?
And then there's the "music," which might be even worse than the sight of the c***. I can't tell you how much it pains me to not be able to include the other c***s in this "band" in the torture on the way to the Quackverse, but I trust that someone else in here will have the good sense to pick them up. If you can sit there and listen to this f***ing abortion of a noise and not fill up with pure hatred, I don't know what to tell you. If you can watch it and not cringe yourself into a coma, seek professional psychiatric counseling.
What the f*** do they think they are doing? Motherf***ers. Do you wonder why people talk shit about "Jersey"? THIS is why. F***ing hell. I know it's not your fault, so don't get upset - I'm just saying, these thunderc***s are the reason you have to listen to slander all the time. Just look at them. How could anyone tolerate this shit?
How simple and deranged do you have to be emotionally to be moved by that in any but a homicidal way? I could understand - MAYBE - if you were, like, Nell living alone in a cabin in the forest without any human contact or any way to access normal human communication. You wouldn't have anything to compare this too. But at the same time, Nell has surely seen deer and possums and badgers and f*** knows what else making sweet love in the forest (doggy-style, obviously) all animalistically, and she has seen them shit everywhere and eat gross shit and do various other activities, but I guarantee you she has never seen anything as f***ed as these thunderc***s. I know that doesn't make any sense - just don't at me.
And it's f***ing "JON" - the stupid bitch can't even spell his own name. It's like if I wrote a letter to him this way:
"Dear Bitc,
You are a stupid bitc, you tunderc***.
Yours in Crist,
Cap"
This might be the worst of all, and that's saying something. Despite Sam Kinison kicking it off, this is just ... I don't know. This should be the theme song of the #DarkestTimeline. I seriously can't even.
F*** him, f*** them, f*** me for being born, and f*** my life.
Team Member (literally) - Jon Bon F***ing Jovi - Vocals, Guitar, Gibberish, F*** Yourself
@DancingPanther
So this toothy c*** is absolutely top of my list of musicians I hate. I loathe him so much that it shocks even me, living my life on top of this melted-down radioactive blast furnace, but I think it is proportionate to what he has done to my eyes and ears and brain.
I was out there letting the chickens out and seeing them shit all over the patio made me think of him and wonder, quote, "Why do you hate him so much?" The fact is that this is what I referenced the other day - a case of something or someone being so obviously shit that you shouldn't have to justify to people why you are calling them shit. You have functioning eyeballs, right? Just look at the c***. Just look at the mule teeth in this c***'s face. Do I really have to explain why this is a Grade A thunderc***? Really?
I don't know, the sight of him just set me off right from the very beginning, even before he started smiling at everyone. I mean, the reason he started smiling at everyone was because he was stealing all that money. Can you even imagine hating your money enough that you would give it to him? It's only about a trillion times worse than wasting it on the Flyers. F***, man, how stupid can you be? Are you deaf? Even if you are deaf, are you blind too for f***'s sake?
And then there's the "music," which might be even worse than the sight of the c***. I can't tell you how much it pains me to not be able to include the other c***s in this "band" in the torture on the way to the Quackverse, but I trust that someone else in here will have the good sense to pick them up. If you can sit there and listen to this f***ing abortion of a noise and not fill up with pure hatred, I don't know what to tell you. If you can watch it and not cringe yourself into a coma, seek professional psychiatric counseling.
What the f*** do they think they are doing? Motherf***ers. Do you wonder why people talk shit about "Jersey"? THIS is why. F***ing hell. I know it's not your fault, so don't get upset - I'm just saying, these thunderc***s are the reason you have to listen to slander all the time. Just look at them. How could anyone tolerate this shit?
How simple and deranged do you have to be emotionally to be moved by that in any but a homicidal way? I could understand - MAYBE - if you were, like, Nell living alone in a cabin in the forest without any human contact or any way to access normal human communication. You wouldn't have anything to compare this too. But at the same time, Nell has surely seen deer and possums and badgers and f*** knows what else making sweet love in the forest (doggy-style, obviously) all animalistically, and she has seen them shit everywhere and eat gross shit and do various other activities, but I guarantee you she has never seen anything as f***ed as these thunderc***s. I know that doesn't make any sense - just don't at me.
And it's f***ing "JON" - the stupid bitch can't even spell his own name. It's like if I wrote a letter to him this way:
"Dear Bitc,
You are a stupid bitc, you tunderc***.
Yours in Crist,
Cap"
This might be the worst of all, and that's saying something. Despite Sam Kinison kicking it off, this is just ... I don't know. This should be the theme song of the #DarkestTimeline. I seriously can't even.
F*** him, f*** them, f*** me for being born, and f*** my life.
@DancingPanther
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