Beef Invictus
Revolutionary Positivity
I arrive.
So in this, the game of Football, there are quarterbacks. Everyone knows the quarterback is the most important position, famous for being the field general and doing things like throwing the ball to people or giving the ball to people to cherish and carry manually. Everyone is wrong. The center is the most important position. Imagine if a QB tried to play without a center; he'd walk up to the ball, pick it up, and get promptly murdered and eaten by an angry defense. The center is the first person to throw the ball on any play, or to carefully but respectfully hand it to the overrated bum QB while rubbing it across his taint first (This asserts dominance over all). Therefore, with the entirety of the greatest football players to choose from I find it monstrously urgent to fill this the most important position. And because I am a zealot for drafting/cap efficiency, I'm going to fill not ONE but TWO positions with this draft pick. Without further ado, I select
Chuck Bednarik (C, LB)
Chuck was a product of George Munger's Quakers. Munger was a creative and excellent coach who emphasized the fundamentals of every single aspect of the game; he drilled precision into his players from top to bottom. Munger also believed that his players should express themselves without profanity. Anyone who swore at practice had to run a lap. The result: most Quaker alums lived the rest of their lives rarely swearing. But this didn't work on Bednarik, because Bednarik was a freakish specimen of humanity who made Jaromir Jagr look lazy. Bednarik thought that running extra laps was delightful. While the team was running two practices a day, Chuck had the time of his life eating extra laps; after evening practice when the rest of the team was too tired to chew dinner, this guy was trying to talk guys into going for another run after the meal. Thanks to this frankly unrealistic stamina, Bednarik was able to play offense and defense in his first eight-ish seasons. He did both very well, but was really known for his work at LB and was renowned for laying absolutely ass-splattering hits.
He was also a family friend so I'm gonna keep the rest of you Eagles-loving bums from having him.
I need to pick my team name.
So in this, the game of Football, there are quarterbacks. Everyone knows the quarterback is the most important position, famous for being the field general and doing things like throwing the ball to people or giving the ball to people to cherish and carry manually. Everyone is wrong. The center is the most important position. Imagine if a QB tried to play without a center; he'd walk up to the ball, pick it up, and get promptly murdered and eaten by an angry defense. The center is the first person to throw the ball on any play, or to carefully but respectfully hand it to the overrated bum QB while rubbing it across his taint first (This asserts dominance over all). Therefore, with the entirety of the greatest football players to choose from I find it monstrously urgent to fill this the most important position. And because I am a zealot for drafting/cap efficiency, I'm going to fill not ONE but TWO positions with this draft pick. Without further ado, I select
Chuck Bednarik (C, LB)
Chuck was a product of George Munger's Quakers. Munger was a creative and excellent coach who emphasized the fundamentals of every single aspect of the game; he drilled precision into his players from top to bottom. Munger also believed that his players should express themselves without profanity. Anyone who swore at practice had to run a lap. The result: most Quaker alums lived the rest of their lives rarely swearing. But this didn't work on Bednarik, because Bednarik was a freakish specimen of humanity who made Jaromir Jagr look lazy. Bednarik thought that running extra laps was delightful. While the team was running two practices a day, Chuck had the time of his life eating extra laps; after evening practice when the rest of the team was too tired to chew dinner, this guy was trying to talk guys into going for another run after the meal. Thanks to this frankly unrealistic stamina, Bednarik was able to play offense and defense in his first eight-ish seasons. He did both very well, but was really known for his work at LB and was renowned for laying absolutely ass-splattering hits.
He was also a family friend so I'm gonna keep the rest of you Eagles-loving bums from having him.
I need to pick my team name.
