According to insider information, NHL 16 only has one game mode, and that is the HONDA XPERIENCE (c) THE STANLEY CUP FINALS - Powered by Comcast. It features whichever teams make the Cup Finals, has no adjustable difficulties or line changes and a period length is fixed to 3 minutes. In case the game ends in a tie, you go directly into a shootout, where EA can show off their Total Stick Control (c). It allows you to control the stick with PS Move or Kinect, but requires a special EA Authenstick, available at a merchant near you for a reasonable price of $129.99*
*Stick tape not included, available as a skin-pack in various colors for $19.99/roll.
Of course, the Total Stick Control is only usable by star players, marked with a special star that marks them as true star players, the stars of the team. With them, you can pull off incredible moves that might look similar to the ones that have been in game since 2007, but don't be fooled - the all-new animations increase their efficiency by up to 1.25%!
Of course, the shootout seldom comes into play, because at the start of the game, the opposite goalie gets mysteriously injured due to falling through the ice into nothingness, and the backup goalie gets stuck trying to leave the bench, because the pads won't fit through the opening. This causes multiple fast calculations which overheat the system, causing it to spontaneously burst into flames.
And people would still buy it.
This was great. Thanks for that.
Sadly, after the first paragraph I still wasn't sure if you were kidding yet....I have low expectations.