May 12, 2018
Dear Mr. Kyle Dubas,
Congratulations on your appointment as General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I'm sure it's a dream come true for you and your family. Your years of hard work in the hockey community, starting at the age of 11, have resulted in your being granted the job that many argue is the toughest executive position in the sport. Yes, I said the toughest. While there are 30 other positions in the NHL equivalent to yours, positions that demand of their occupants the same job description which you've just accepted - win the Cup damnit - you have the honor of having to do so in front of the most rabid fan base in the sport. While we don't know each other Kyle, may I call you Kyle?, please allow me a chance to explain, as I'll be doing so with every move you make from here on in. You've accepted a job with a description that allows any and all, including me, who have no basis of critique, and yet will unfailingly comment on anything you do (be it a bowel movement in the morning or the trading of a 1st round pick) with total confidence, regardless of your/organizational intent, big picture wise.
Kyle, as you know, you've inherited a team that is on the cusp of greatness. Greatness being defined as being a contender year in and year out. Greatness being defined for we Leaf fans more accurately as being the Cup champion year in and year out. I know this is a bit overambitious, but we've been waiting a long time (some might say too long) and possessing Lord Stanley's' is our perceived due...or so think many. This, Kyle, is not a joke. Pay attention, man. We've seen brilliance here and have been denied time and again. Sittler, Salming, Gilmour, Sundin...ok, the list is short, but you get my drift, right? We're due and it's your f*ckin' responsibility to ensure that it occurs every f*ckin year until I, I mean we, get tired of the parades down f*ckin Young St. Kyle, for god's sake pay attention. You think I've got a bit of a burr up my ass, wait until you read what is brewing on HF boards, those b*st*rds are ruthless and will nut you without a second thought should you do anything that doesn't immediately improve the team. Yes, Kyle, they're relentless. I'm only saying this to give you the heads' up, 'cause you know I support you 100%, until you f*ck up. Oh, and you will, Kyle. You'll f*ck up in a big way. You'll trade my favorite player for some bum, you'll not select my favorite player in the draft, regardless of what Hunter says is the thing to do, because Hunter and I are on the same page day after day and while we're at it, why the h*ll are you allowing Babcock to play so and so with so and so when we can defininatly see that so and so should be playing with what's his name. I mean, REALLY.
Kyle, look, I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I'm just trying to set you on the course that ensures success for the team that I - sorry, we - love. It's just that I've been following this team for a long time and I know what is needed to put them over the top, Champeens, you know what I'm saying, mate. So look, take what I've said here with a grain of salt 'cause we're all behind you. The fact that winning Sir Stanley's is not just having the best team, the best coached team, the best skilled team, the best goal-tended team, the best 1-20 team, but is a conquest that involves a wee bit of luck, well, don't let that trouble your morning coffee. We're behind you, Kyle. Love the fact you're the new man that's going to drive us to the Grail and I know you've got it all going forward. All the best to you my friend, until you aren't.
With the most sincerest of good hopes and veiled daggers,
Your friend
A Maple Leafs Fan.
ps. don't f*ck this up or your name is Nonis.
pps. go get 'em kiddo.
