Raspewtin
Stay at home defenseman hater
- May 30, 2013
- 43,769
- 20,409
your posts are the best part of this thread tbh
OT: Relationship Advice Thread
- Thread starter LokiDog
- Start date
RempireStateBuilding
Registered User
Background checks are used to find things like past violent assault charges, convictions, sex offender registration. Employment history too if they're talking a really big game. People can be very good at hiding very important information for personal gain. I can understand wanting to move on from a bad past and respect someone for not wanting to discuss their past at every turn, but I also absolutely respect someone's decision that meeting a person with a history like that is a dealbreaker. I don't know exactly what kind of checks my friend does for guys she meets, but she sends me screenshots from a site(?) called Trellis that show the type of offenses, if it was a repeat offense, where & when it happened, who filed the charges, and the status of any charges.
Some people are more honest and forthcoming. You and your girlfriend sound lucky to have found that in each other to where you don't have to worry. Having a number of people corroborate things is usually a good sign too.
I've managed to be in 4 serious relationships without having a domestic assault charge or any charge brought against me. None of my friends have any convictions or charges either. That, to me, is a red flag 9.9 times out of 10. By the time they're caught there's almost always a history. Maybe they're not bad people, but it doesn't always take a bad person to do bad things sometimes. It would take a lot of vetting to convince me.
It's a very different dating world for women compared to men. The popular meme phrase I've seen is that in dating, men are afraid of being catfished; women are afraid of being murdered. It's insane to consider that that's the other half's reality because yea, I've never ran a check on anyone I've dated or felt in any sort danger going on a date. But that's women's reality.
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
Everything the light touches is Liberty Country.
Since we're in the Relationship thread is your Liberty fandom on the top of your selling points?
"I respect women so much that I even watch a subpar league full of bricked shots and missed layups"?
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
The Liberty have made me two things you'll never be:
1) Happy
2) A fan a championship winning team
That’s a weird way of asking if it’s okay to date your coworkers.
I’m freaking the f*** out guys. My ex is taking Henry to Poland for 2 months. We have paperwork to enforce it, but one it’s a long ass time and two there’s no guarantee she comes back. I could legally go and get him if she doesn’t but it’s not like Poland would force her to come back or anything. It has potential to get ugly. Meanwhile, expecting another child with the girl I’ve been with is exciting but still SO unexpected (yeah… I’m not an idiot; we knew it was possible and played with fire… a lot… but I drink a ton, smoke, etc. and I’m 38. We just didn’t think it was happening). I am in a far better place today than I was 6 months ago, but I also still have debt collectors calling daily and am always scrambling to figure out my budget and make sure our rent is paid, etc.
I don’t know if I’m ready for this child. She’s only met my family once and I haven’t told them she’s pregnant. Her family knows and I’ve met them a lot. They’re great, but they’re also struggling - they were well off for a long time but fell on hard times and are trying to sell their house. We have virtually no support system aside from their emotional support. She doesn’t have insurance and can’t be on mine because we aren’t married. We need to go to a doctor and get an ultrasound and preliminary tests done on this baby. I know I’m in a better place and it’s a good relationship and there’s a happy future to be had somewhere in all of this… but right now I feel like such a giant POS knowing that I literally can’t afford to pay for the proper doctors to support this pregnancy and keep a roof over our heads at the same time. And the entire holiday season at this point is nothing but pressure, anxiety and isolation. It’s becoming a very real situation and I am worried about spiraling into alcoholism and destructive patterns between now and new years.
KirkAlbuquerque
#WeNeverGetAGoodCoach
I have no real advice since I’ve never had a kid yet, but
This maybe insensitive but are the both of you 100% dead set on… let’s say seeing this pregnancy through. Is it even an option?
you being 38 shouldn’t matter too much as far as a ticking fertility clock , you’re a dude
We’ve had that conversation. She is extremely happy in the relationship and would really like to have a child with me… she knows where I’m at in the timeline of my divorce and such, but she can’t fully understand it because she won’t ever be in these shoes. From her perspective, I’m fairly certain that saying I wanted to terminate the pregnancy would also indicate the end of the relationship - she’s a Texas raised woman who attends church (not weekly, but she is more practicing than a lot of people) and, more important than her religion, because she is a modern and open minded person, I just get the impression that she was actually excited and wants a future with me - which I am not even remotely opposed to at the moment, it’s just ya know, I was with my last ex for several years and married when we had a kid and we ended up divorced. We’ve been together 7-8 months and are not even engaged so… while A doesn’t equal B, I’m a lot more scared of history repeating and such. She wants the baby. I want to continue the relationship. I have no red flags or reasons to think that we cannot be a family long term, I’m in love with the girl, but I know where I’m at financially and I know that all of this happening so quickly in such a condensed space of time is risky. I also really do not know how best to navigate us to financial health. I am far better than I was, but I still have debt collectors chasing me for about $5k (total, which isn’t that horrible, it’s just that I can’t pay). I have to figure out a lot of things to make this work and the pressure, unfortunately, manifests itself in things like over indulging with whiskey or becoming isolationist and harming my relationships.
Ben Grimm
Crunk
Many couples either can't have kids or can't have more kids. If she wants a healthy baby, with or w/o you, it's a blessing she'll never regret. Good luck to her.
My stress is about doing things the right way and not repeating mistakes. She’s a good girl, beautiful, decent career of her own, good with kids, good values, nice family. I am simply stressed because I was probably “supposed to” sort out my own financial issues and maybe make an honest woman of her before knocking her up and now I feel like all the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It’s what happens when women are lining up to have your babies lmao
Ben Grimm
Crunk
I like your post. Regarding the last sentence of it
If I didn’t jest, I wouldn’t be Loki.
Ben Grimm
Crunk
@LokiDog Some of the songs that have been written about you are:
3 Songs - Lover, Cruel Summer, The Man - Taylor Swift
2 Different Versions - Lover's Rock - TV Girl, Sade
Lover You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
Lover Girl - Teena Marie
Lovers & Friends -Lil Jon
Romantic Lover - Eye Dress
Well, my girl’s a bit of a Swifty so I can see the first ones, and I appreciate the Jeff Buckley inclusion.
- Jul 16, 2005
- 14,508
- 12,353
If you have more debt than you can afford to pay, you need to go speak to a bankruptcy attorney.
If you have no significant assets (no real estate, mostly) and you make below median income (depends on where you live) then you can most likely pay nothing to your unsecured creditors.
This x10000000
It’s hard for anyone who hasn’t gone through it to really grasp how f***ed up the whole dating scene can get. A BR check sounds extreme but based off of some of the stories I’ve heard I’m actually surprised that they don’t happen more often. DV is serious shit too and a really, really difficult situation for people to get out of.
A big LOL at snow blind getting checked though. Would pay to read that report.
“No criminal history or credit distress but he really hates NYR goalies and the WNBA.”
NickyFotiu
NYR 2024 Cup Champs!
- Sep 29, 2011
- 15,861
- 7,595
This statement is alarming and at the same time very good that you are aware that there is a possible problem. I really hope you keep your eye on this because it is hard to be a consistently good spouse, parent, employee, etc if that becomes a significant issue.
Ben Grimm
Crunk
Ever had a date say something weird? I went on the first date with a woman, and I never thought of it this way before, but we had sex outside. We decided the second date would be a sleepover at my place. Everything was fine until the morning after when she said, "You could be a pro". I didn't like that and didn't see her again.
Have you ever wondered if strange women just show up at hot guys rooms and apartments with expectations? It's true. No names or quarter are asked or given.
Have you ever wondered if strange women just show up at hot guys rooms and apartments with expectations? It's true. No names or quarter are asked or given.
KirkAlbuquerque
#WeNeverGetAGoodCoach
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
Asking for a friend here.
So my friend met a girl online (I think it was Match) and they went on four dates. Smashed during the fourth date. He really likes her. After that fourth date, he tries to have the conversation about "are we an official thing, or nah, what's the label? etc." She tells him "I'm not sure yet, I need to get to know you better."
Two days later, he got her a small gift that he saw in a store. Some card game of something they're both into, I don't know what it was, but it's not important. It was nothing crazy. He texts her that he has a little surprise for her. She flies off the handle with "I told you I don't like surprises, you don't listen to me, this and that" and a whole back and forth ensues. He hasn't heard from how now in five days.
He calls me Sunday night and he's like "what did I do wrong?" and I'm like "Nothing. You thought it was serious and she didn't. She never thought it was. That's why she backed out of the labeling question, and then she pretended to be mad over nothing. She got laid and she's back on whatever app you guys met on."
Am I wrong?
So my friend met a girl online (I think it was Match) and they went on four dates. Smashed during the fourth date. He really likes her. After that fourth date, he tries to have the conversation about "are we an official thing, or nah, what's the label? etc." She tells him "I'm not sure yet, I need to get to know you better."
Two days later, he got her a small gift that he saw in a store. Some card game of something they're both into, I don't know what it was, but it's not important. It was nothing crazy. He texts her that he has a little surprise for her. She flies off the handle with "I told you I don't like surprises, you don't listen to me, this and that" and a whole back and forth ensues. He hasn't heard from how now in five days.
He calls me Sunday night and he's like "what did I do wrong?" and I'm like "Nothing. You thought it was serious and she didn't. She never thought it was. That's why she backed out of the labeling question, and then she pretended to be mad over nothing. She got laid and she's back on whatever app you guys met on."
Am I wrong?
KirkAlbuquerque
#WeNeverGetAGoodCoach
What would you be wrong about? Seems clear as day .
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
Probably not, but even if you're wrong somewhere along the way it's a huge character red flag that instead of being grateful or pretending to be grateful she flew off the handle over a small thoughtful gift. Maybe it was something inappropriately big and she freaked out thinking it was moving too fast. But even then there are better ways to go about it. And even if she had a lapse in judgment in her reaction her disappearing for 5 days is another red flag.
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
He knows about HF and I'm gonna tell him HF agrees with me.
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