OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[Raspewtin]

Haha, probably wasn't part of the background check. I would rather her not know what kind of psycho I am here.

your posts are the best part of this thread tbh

 

[RempireStateBuilding]

I was referring to marriage- anyone marrying someone because of a nice smile. I know I am an exception but I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married. I was also not referring to google- of course everyone googles. Are you guys talking about running a full check using an agency? How extensive?

I am with my current gf for 6- i don’t need to run a background check. Background is talking to her friends and family- that is more extensive than a criminal check.

It’s a different discussion, but being convicted of a crime doesn’t make someone a bad person either. It just means they were caught. I know guys that have domestic violence charges for throwing a phone on the ground. What are you using for background checks?

Background checks are used to find things like past violent assault charges, convictions, sex offender registration. Employment history too if they're talking a really big game. People can be very good at hiding very important information for personal gain. I can understand wanting to move on from a bad past and respect someone for not wanting to discuss their past at every turn, but I also absolutely respect someone's decision that meeting a person with a history like that is a dealbreaker. I don't know exactly what kind of checks my friend does for guys she meets, but she sends me screenshots from a site(?) called Trellis that show the type of offenses, if it was a repeat offense, where & when it happened, who filed the charges, and the status of any charges.

Some people are more honest and forthcoming. You and your girlfriend sound lucky to have found that in each other to where you don't have to worry. Having a number of people corroborate things is usually a good sign too.

I've managed to be in 4 serious relationships without having a domestic assault charge or any charge brought against me. None of my friends have any convictions or charges either. That, to me, is a red flag 9.9 times out of 10. By the time they're caught there's almost always a history. Maybe they're not bad people, but it doesn't always take a bad person to do bad things sometimes. It would take a lot of vetting to convince me.

It's a very different dating world for women compared to men. The popular meme phrase I've seen is that in dating, men are afraid of being catfished; women are afraid of being murdered. It's insane to consider that that's the other half's reality because yea, I've never ran a check on anyone I've dated or felt in any sort danger going on a date. But that's women's reality.