NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot - Discussion / Draft Thread - PHASE SEVEN! Part One!

[BiggE]

We will resist choosing stupid players as long as humanly possible, so....

{AMERICAN.....DREAM!!! He’s a common man!}

Well baybeh, what ith goin’ on heah? If there ith one thing the Dream knows baybeh is fine dinin’ brotha! Oh yeth!

Tho lemme tell ya somethin then! The Dream’s meal baybeh, the dream meal oh yeth, ith:
Some fine jumbo shrimp cocktail, oh yeth

Then, cause the Dream is a proud thun of Texath baybeh, we gonna dine on a fine Texath T-Bone thteak baybeh!

And to top it off, a little of the Dream’s favorite dethert, some pecan pie baybeh!!

VM: Is he done dammit? Damn Dream drooled all over my damn office, DAMMIT!!

@CanadianFlyer88 , do the thing that we do!

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

Those are going to be a douche to fit into a box on the spreadsheet.

 

[CanadianFlyer88]

*We have a trade to announce*

The Seattle Sockeyes trade their second round pick in Phase 7 along with a generously sized tub of Murphy's Smoked Salmon Ice Cream, to the Portland Fog for their 3rd round pick in Phase 7.

@Rebels57, up and atom!

(Just to avoid confusion, both of us will make back to back picks before passing back to BiggE.)

 

[mja]

Those are going to be a douche to fit into a box on the spreadsheet.

You have no idea.

 

[BiggE]

*We have a trade to announce*

The Seattle Sockeyes trade their second round pick in Phase 7 along with a generously sized tub of Murphy's Smoked Salmon Ice Cream, to the Portland Fog for their 3rd round pick in Phase 7.

@Rebels57, up and atom!

(Just to avoid confusion, both of us will make back to back picks before passing back to BiggE.)

We will be announcing our urban legend next. It will be announced by a living legend.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

*We have a trade to announce*

The Seattle Sockeyes trade their second round pick in Phase 7 along with a generously sized tub of Murphy's Smoked Salmon Ice Cream, to the Portland Fog for their 3rd round pick in Phase 7.

@Rebels57, up and atom!

(Just to avoid confusion, both of us will make back to back picks before passing back to BiggE.)

 

[JojoTheWhale]

Those are going to be a douche to fit into a box on the spreadsheet.

You waived duplicates for it. Just put something generic.

And I thought the Chickie & Pete's chips were too much.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

You waived duplicates

Just to be 100% accurate, the only thing I hold in higher esteem than the Law of No Duplicates is loyalty to my friends, so when HC declared the category, I cried myself to sleep and then threw my support behind it.

 

[Rebels57]

With our 1st of two consecutive picks, the PORTLAND FOG will be snatching up another unheralded member of the 500 goal club. Hell, he's even in the 600 club with a clean 1200 points. Not only that, this dude was as gritty as they come. 40 grit sandpaper. Hell he was even charged with assault for trying to decapitate Luke Richardson.

I'm speaking about, of course, DINO CICCARELLI

Slot him at LW, Cap.

 

[Rebels57]

Death Row Dinner for the PORTLAND FOG would be my moms Sunday Family Spaghetti with Meatballs, Sausage, Pepperoni, and Braciole. Salad and Garlic bread on the side. If you've never had Braciole, you're missing out.

Italian Beef Braciole is so Good It'll Make You Cry

@CanadianFlyer88 you up

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

@BiggE you up

I think it's @CanadianFlyer88 right?

 

[Rebels57]

I think it's @CanadianFlyer88 right?

Oh yeah I got confused because I am dumb

 

[CanadianFlyer88]

Thanks to @Rebels57 for accommodating my request here.

Long before knowing what would become of the Quackverse and whether or not we would even have a legends roster, I made Jim Devellano my GM because his innovative mind changed the NHL for the better and forever. So it is with great pleasure that I get to fill out the entire legends 3rd line with players that he not only brought to the Red Wings, but that he also convinced to defect from the Eastern block to play professionally in North America.

With our first of back to back picks, the Seattle Sockeyes select the first player the Red Wings and Jim Devellano convinced to defect to North America, Petr Klima. Drafted in 1983 by the Wings, it was unknown if he would ever be able to leave Czechoslovakia to play professionally. At the 1984 WJC in Sweden, the Wings made their first pitch, but Klima wanted to finish his military service before defecting to avoid being labelled as a deserter.

His defection story is the stuff of legend, taking place over several weeks in the summer of 1985 while the Czech national team was training in Germany. Multiple Red Wings personnel were involved, all at the guidance of Devellano. His defection was even aided by the US Attorney General, who expedited an asylum request. They even were able to smuggle out Klima's girlfriend.

He never really blew up in the NHL, but had a successful career, none the less, winning a couple of Cups with the Oilers.

His Jofa helmet and wacky stick tape were also the stuff of legend. I still, to this day, swap in a Klima stick tape set up into my rotation.

Throughout his career, he wore #85 to commemorate the year of his defection, but he did return home when his career finished.

Welcome to the Sockeyes, Petr!

 

[CanadianFlyer88]

For our second of back to back picks, the Seattle Sockeyes select the player that Jim Devellano said "This is the best 15 year old player I have ever seen live and I saw Wayne Gretzky at the same age". He is the last member of the Russian Five available for selection and is as creative a player as you will see. This time, we're talking about Slava Kozlov.

Kozlov's defection story isn't out of a spy novel, like Klima's, but the Wings had to pull some strings and bribe a few officials to make it happen. Kozlov wasn't ready to commit to defecting to North America when first approached, but a tragic twist of fate opened the door to get him to Detroit.

In winter 1991, Kozlov was involved in a high speed car accident that killed a teammate and left him seriously injured. The Wings bribed a Russian doctor to confirm that Kozlov had permanent brain damage and loss of his peripheral vision. The Wings had previously bribed Russian doctors to confirm that Vladimir Konstantinov had a heart condition to get him discharged from the Soviet military.

Kozlov had a strong career with the Wings, winning Cups in 97 and 98 before finishing his career with Atlanta after a brief stop in Buffalo.

Welcome to the Sockeyes, Slava!

With Kozlov at LW, Larionov at C, and Klima at RW, the Sockeyes are also proud to introduce the Defection Line, not to be confused with any of the Stay Pufts defective lines.

@BiggE, back over to you!

 

[BiggE]

For our second of back to back picks, the Seattle Sockeyes select the player that Jim Devellano said "This is the best 15 year old player I have ever seen live and I saw Wayne Gretzky at the same age". He is the last member of the Russian Five available for selection and is as creative a player as you will see. This time, we're talking about Slava Kozlov.

Kozlov's defection story isn't out of a spy novel, like Klima's, but the Wings had to pull some strings and bribe a few officials to make it happen. Kozlov wasn't ready to commit to defecting to North America when first approached, but a tragic twist of fate opened the door to get him to Detroit.

In winter 1991, Kozlov was involved in a high speed car accident that killed a teammate and left him seriously injured. The Wings bribed a Russian doctor to confirm that Kozlov had permanent brain damage and loss of his peripheral vision. The Wings had previously bribed Russian doctors to confirm the Vladimir Konstantinov had a heart condition to get him discharged from the Soviet military.

Kozlov had a strong career with the Wings, winning Cups in 97 and 98 before finishing his career with Atlanta after a brief stop in Buffalo.

View attachment 425060

Welcome to the Sockeyes, Slava!

With Kozlov at LW, Larionov at C, and Klima at RW, the Sockeyes are also proud to introduce the Defection Line, not to be confused with any of the Stay Pufts defective lines.

@BiggE, back over to you!

YAWN, the f***?? Already?? Give me a few minutes, I need coffee first.

 

[BiggE]

WOOOOOO!!!

The Nature Boy is back, and better than ever! Now, Ric Flair knows a little something about Florida brother, oh yeah! Back in the day, I worked every town in F L A, from Tallahassee to St Augustine and Miami right up to the home of the Methgators baby, Jacksonville!

Now the greatest urban legend of all involves the Nature Boy, a private jet, a dozen Playboy playmates and a case of champagne! But various restraining prevent me from discussing it further. However, this one time, me and Tully were..

VM: DAMMIT FLAIR JUST READ THE DAMN CARD, DAMMIT!!

Hey, don’t rush the Nature Boy!! To the be man, you gotta beat the man, so back off McMahon!!

Now this wheelin, dealin’, kiss stealin’, 16 time WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, WOOO! knows about myths and legends! So, the official urban legend, of the Jacksonville Methgators, is, THE FLORIDA SKUNK APE!!

My man BiggE, tell em about the Skunk Ape!!

BiggE: Oh for shits sake, why am I up so damn early and how can Flair be this smashed already? Anyway, the Skunk Ape is basically Florida's version of Bigfoot, with the addition of a terrible odor. Its leading “researcher” is Dave Shealy, who has spent his entire life living in the Everglades, searching for the mysterious beast, and probably smokes a shitload of meth.

@BernieParent, save us. You are our only hope

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

Good morning, swamp gorillas.

We start the day with @BernieParent on the clock, @Strawberry Fields on deck, @GKJ on the bong, and @mja on the lido after deck. Our blissful period of abstinence from stupidity is at an end as of this evening, but since it is not this evening yet, let me fill in the stupidity gap with some stupidity.

I'm basically your forward scout when it comes to old age, right? Like I'm reporting from the front lines on what it's like to actually get old and decrepit so you guys won't be surprised. You know how they talk about old man prostates shrinking so you have to pee all the time, especially at night after you go to bed? Well that's happening. Plus, in addition to being old, I drink coffee three times per day. So going to bed is basically just a pause in my pee routine.

But here's the thing. It's not just that you wake up having to pee, then you get up and go pee, then you come back to bed and fall back asleep. What is happening to me is that I am having dreams, and in the dreams the me character has to pee. They never have a successful pee in the dream, because that would constitute peeing in the bed in real life back in my body - you see what I mean? My need to pee in real life is influencing the narrative of my dreams. Instead of just waking me up, the pee tells me a pee story with an unhappy ending in my dreams. Eventually I wake up and go pee, usually after lazily squirming in bed and muttering to kitty "I don't wanna" but not until an obscene amount of time has passed, time in which I am not getting rest.

So what I am saying is do your shopping and do your picking while you can because you never know when you will have to drop everything to go pee.

 

[BiggE]

Good morning, swamp gorillas.

We start the day with @BernieParent on the clock, @Strawberry Fields on deck, @GKJ on the bong, and @mja on the lido after deck. Our blissful period of abstinence from stupidity is at an end as of this evening, but since it is not this evening yet, let me fill in the stupidity gap with some stupidity.

I'm basically your forward scout when it comes to old age, right? Like I'm reporting from the front lines on what it's like to actually get old and decrepit so you guys won't be surprised. You know how they talk about old man prostates shrinking so you have to pee all the time, especially at night after you go to bed? Well that's happening. Plus, in addition to being old, I drink coffee three times per day. So going to bed is basically just a pause in my pee routine.

But here's the thing. It's not just that you wake up having to pee, then you get up and go pee, then you come back to bed and fall back asleep. What is happening to me is that I am having dreams, and in the dreams the me character has to pee. They never have a successful pee in the dream, because that would constitute peeing in the bed in real life back in my body - you see what I mean? My need to pee in real life is influencing the narrative of my dreams. Instead of just waking me up, the pee tells me a pee story with an unhappy ending in my dreams. Eventually I wake up and go pee, usually after lazily squirming in bed and muttering to kitty "I don't wanna" but not until an obscene amount of time has passed, time in which I am not getting rest.

So what I am saying is do your shopping and do your picking while you can because you never know when you will have to drop everything to go pee.

 

[BernieParent]

Good morning, swamp gorillas.

We start the day with @BernieParent on the clock, @Strawberry Fields on deck, @GKJ on the bong, and @mja on the lido after deck. Our blissful period of abstinence from stupidity is at an end as of this evening, but since it is not this evening yet, let me fill in the stupidity gap with some stupidity.

I'm basically your forward scout when it comes to old age, right? Like I'm reporting from the front lines on what it's like to actually get old and decrepit so you guys won't be surprised. You know how they talk about old man prostates shrinking so you have to pee all the time, especially at night after you go to bed? Well that's happening. Plus, in addition to being old, I drink coffee three times per day. So going to bed is basically just a pause in my pee routine.

But here's the thing. It's not just that you wake up having to pee, then you get up and go pee, then you come back to bed and fall back asleep. What is happening to me is that I am having dreams, and in the dreams the me character has to pee. They never have a successful pee in the dream, because that would constitute peeing in the bed in real life back in my body - you see what I mean? My need to pee in real life is influencing the narrative of my dreams. Instead of just waking me up, the pee tells me a pee story with an unhappy ending in my dreams. Eventually I wake up and go pee, usually after lazily squirming in bed and muttering to kitty "I don't wanna" but not until an obscene amount of time has passed, time in which I am not getting rest.

So what I am saying is do your shopping and do your picking while you can because you never know when you will have to drop everything to go pee.

Wow, what a surprise that I am back at "it" this morning. Some of you need to enjoy sleep -- and I mean pee dream-free sleep -- a lot more than you do.

"In the annals of hockey history, many built their legendary status over years of elite play while others are defined -- fairly or not -- on single moments of clutch moments at the pinnacle of championship play. Few other hockey greats surpass the latter echelon of the Tampa Bay FireSticks' legendary 3rd line left wing, Paul Henderson. Mr. Henderson played 13 seasons in the NHL and another 5 in the WHA, more than 1000 games in total, amassing 376 goals and 758 points. However, he will always be remembered for The Goal.



"The Summit Series-winning goal was Mr. Henderson's 7th of the series and third game winner. Mr. Henderson was not inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame, an honour he doesn't believe his career deserves: 'So many Canadians get upset that I’m not in the Hall of Fame, and I tell them all the time if I was on the committee, I wouldn’t vote for me. Quite frankly, I didn’t have a Hall of Fame career.' Mr. Henderson was, however, inducted into Canada's Sports Hall of Fame and the IIHF Hall of Fame. He is a Member of the Order of Canada not only for his on-ice achievements but also for "his engagement in support of a range of social and charitable causes."

It is now the turn of

(@Strawberry Fields)

 

[DancingPanther]

Today is Grandpop's 93rd birthday

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

Today is Grandpop's 93rd birthday

Happy birthday, Poppy!

 

[ajgoal]

Today is Grandpop's 93rd birthday

Happy Birthday!

 

[BiggE]

Today is Grandpop's 93rd birthday

Wow, he’s even older than @Captain Dave Poulin ! Happy birthday grandpop!

 

[Young Sandwich]

Wow, he’s even older than @Captain Dave Poulin ! Happy birthday grandpop!

Grandpop's piss-dreams must be absolutely nightmarish.

Happy birthday Gramps!

 

[Strawberry Fields]

The 90s and 00s are woefully underrepresented in my all time forward lineup so far, so I will take LW Patrik Elias.

@GKJ