Longlegs (2024) Directed by Oz Perkins
3A
A young, inexperienced FBI agent attempts to track down Longlegs (Nicholas Cage in full batshit crazy mode) a serial killer who she might remember from childhood. This movie had great reviews and fine word-of-mouth, so I decided to see it. Here are five reasons why that turned out to be a bad idea:
1)
Longlegs reminded me of every commercial serial killer movie that I have ever seen while stealing other bits from successful horror franchises. There's a little bit of
Seven going on with the creepy atmosphere, a whole lot of
Silence of the Lambs going on with the young FBI Agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe), a mad mother out
Friday, the 13th; a mad villain right out of any number of horror franchises, and on and on. The best descriptor for the movie is "derivative."
2) Creepy, creepy? It's too bloody slow to be creepy.
I almost never have a problem with slow pace, but I found this movie annoyingly edited and very laggard. Probably 60% or more of the shots in the first half of
Longlegs, I would have yelled "cut" seconds, sometimes several seconds, before director Oz Perkins does. This isn't atmosphere, it's tortoise-moving tedium.
3) Satanism? Satanism, huh? WTF.
So this is a serial killer movie, but that obviously isn't badass enough.
Longlegs wants to throw strong suggestions that Satanism is at play here, too. It's totally unnecessary, adding nothing to the script except to make it even sillier than it is. Maybe the director thinks this is the road to a new franchise.
4) Maika Monroe who is on the screen a lot makes for the least convincing FBI Agent that I have ever seen in movies. With her extensive use of heavy breathing, she acts like a scared teenager throughout most of the movie--there is no hint of the authority, gravitas, confidence, and fortitude that her character needs. She's just a young wimp basically. Trying to picture her pulling off one of those 100-yard-stares that cops do as second nature made me laugh out loud.
5) Nick Cage is terrific fun. His bonkers performance is the only thing in the movie that shook me out of my torpor. But, come on, every time he is on screen, he also stops what paltry momentum the movie has dead in its tracks as the audience collectively goes "Ah, here's our Nick going at it again....never disappoints, does he?" Can't blame him, though. He has more fun with this thing than I did.