This is what happens when footballers try, not to be clever, but to be seen to be clever. We saw it in 2004 when David Beckham, having just injured his ribs and knowing that he would be injured for at least a month, deliberately clattered Wales' Ben Thatcher before asking to be substituted. While few players have ever needed an excuse to clatter Thatcher, Beckham knew that a yellow card would cause him to miss the next game through suspension and, given that he was already injured, it would therefore clean his disciplinary record for the rest of the campaign. The referee duly obliged and Beckham trotted off clutching his bruised side and trying to not to grin.
"I am sure some people think that I haven't got the brains to be that clever," said Beckham afterwards, twirling his moustache and stroking a fluffy white cat. "But I do have the brains."
Naturally, his comments caused uproar. The press were outraged, booming columns were commissioned attacking the England captain for his conduct and before long Sepp Blatter was on the phone demanding a meeting with Football Association representatives and grumbling that this was not, "behaviour that befits an ambassador of football." So much for those brains.
