Terminal cancer

[Dr Pepper]

Very sorry for your loss, Cogs, and good luck with the grieving process. Can't imagine how hard it must be. At least he's no longer suffering.

 

[Gee Wally]

My father passed away yesterday.

I wish I could write that it ended peacefully, but "hell" isn't a word that even comes close to describing it.

The way it ended and what he went through is 1000 times worse than any nightmare I can even make up with my wildest imagination.

This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was more happy and relieved that is was over, than I was sad that he was gone.

Time to end the life of this disgusting disease once and for all..

#****CANCER


Thanks for all the support in here, it meant more than you can imagine.

Now I have a long, LONG time of grieving ahead of me. Not sure if I will ever get passed what my beloved father had to go through....

I know how you feel. There are no words of comfort I can give you that would make any sense at this time.
For me, I gave into the emotion of it all. It was healthier for me.

Now nearly two years later I find I don't think of my dad being sick and suffering (bone cancer) so much anymore. I still think of him every day. But usually its something small that triggers it and brings a sad smile to my face. A song. A movie. A type of food. A game. But it's a warm comforting kinda sad if that makes any sense.

Go with the current and at least know his pain has ended.

 

[PanthersPens62]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is (I lost my dad years ago after a long illness which he suffered for an extended period of time) but please try & take some comfort in knowing that he is no longer suffering.

 

[irunthepeg]

My father passed away yesterday.

I wish I could write that it ended peacefully, but "hell" isn't a word that even comes close to describing it.

The way it ended and what he went through is 1000 times worse than any nightmare I can even make up with my wildest imagination.

This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was more happy and relieved that is was over, than I was sad that he was gone.

Time to end the life of this disgusting disease once and for all..

#****CANCER


Thanks for all the support in here, it meant more than you can imagine.

Now I have a long, LONG time of grieving ahead of me. Not sure if I will ever get passed what my beloved father had to go through....

Damn dude, holy **** that was quick. I don't want to give advice cause advice isn't what you need right now but try not to let those last memories be your lasting memories of your father. I block out what I last remember of my mom in an effort to remember when she was at her healthiest and happiest.

My most sincere condolences though, and I hope you can get through grieving and eventually have peace.

 

[ShootIt]

Damn. Had a bad feeling there wasn't going to be a positive update when I saw this thread near the top of the page today.

May your father Rest in Peace.

 

[ottawa]

Went through the same with my grandma, important thing is to spend time with her and to be positive around her. Crying around your dad won't make him feel good, try to create more memories with him with what time you have left and at the same time you'll keep his mind off you know what.



Edit: just saw the update. Sorry to hear that, may he RIP. And I know this isn't what you want to hear now, but it's tough at the beginning but you'll get past it and won't think of him and be as sad as you are now. In a few months or maybe years, you'll think of him and just think about memories you had with him and miss him without necessarily getting that sad feeling overtake you, hard to explain.

 

[WhatTheDuck]

My most sincere condolences for your loss.


**** cancer

 

[S A W F T*]

**** cancer is right. Terribly sorry to hear about your loss.

 

[Nordic*]

My sister, mother and I are sleeping under the same roof now for a while.

Tonight I'm sleeping in my father's bed, which hasn't been touched sinced the last time he slept in it, before he spent his last weeks in a hospital bed.

I'm 39 years old, weeping like a kid, tears are falling down on the pillow...my father's pillow.

This is as close as I'll ever get to him for the rest of my life. That thought just terrifies me, I can't even describe how much I miss him.

The absolutely heartwrenching way he left this earth also runs on repeat in my head. Noone should ever have to go through that.


Do you believe in life after death, in some form?

In other words, do you think you'll see your loved ones who have past away, after you die?

 

[McRpro]

RIP to your Father, Cogs.

I don't believe in any afterlife that man has envisioned. I guess you'd call me agnostic. No one knows what waits us after we take our final breath. Perhaps we all are reunited with our loved ones.

I know the pain you are feeling right now though. I'm very sorry for your loss Cogs.

**** cancer!

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

My father passed away yesterday.

I wish I could write that it ended peacefully, but "hell" isn't a word that even comes close to describing it.

The way it ended and what he went through is 1000 times worse than any nightmare I can even make up with my wildest imagination.

This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was more happy and relieved that is was over, than I was sad that he was gone.

Time to end the life of this disgusting disease once and for all..

#****CANCER


Thanks for all the support in here, it meant more than you can imagine.

Now I have a long, LONG time of grieving ahead of me. Not sure if I will ever get past what my beloved father had to go through....

I rarely talk about losing my mom to cancer, but I know what you are going through, and the one thing that consoled me early on was hearing stories of others ahead of me in the grieving process. It helped to hear how they coped and moved on.

My mom was diagnosed in Sept of 2011, with pancreatic cancer. I felt like someone stabbed me in the gut when my parents told me. My daughter was just born in January and I couldn't wrap my head around my moms being gone. It seemed so cruel and ****ed up...

For the next four months, we waited on news of how the chemo was working, if it was shrinking the tumor and if my mom was going to live. I went to bed with stomach pains, woke up with stomach pains, didn't sleep, and the stress and agony was unbearable.

My mom collapsed right after New Years and my uncle was with her, and carried her to the car. She remained in the hospital for a week. My aunt called to tell me that my mom was terminal, and I almost fainted. The first time in my life I almost lost consciousness like that...

I suspected she was going to die at that point, but until you hear those words, you hold out hope. It's human nature.

I spent my daughters first birthday in a hospice watching my mom die. That haunts me still, and I try not to focus on it much, but it can be difficult at times.

My mom will have been gone 5 years this Jan, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder what she would think of my daughter and son she never knew...

Sometimes I'll be in a great mood, and randomly think of my mom and the pain is unbearable. However, while the pain never goes away, you will learn how to mange that pain easier. In the past, I would get depressed for days when thinking of my mom. Now, I can push the pain away easier, and my bouts of sadness only last for minutes.

I think you will find that is the place you will manage to get to as time passes by, and it does make life much easier. Happiness will come again for you, trust me.

I'm sorry about losing your father.

 

[Nordic*]

I rarely talk about losing my mom to cancer, but I know what you are going through, and the one thing that consoled me early on was hearing stories of others ahead of me in the grieving process. It helped to hear how they coped and moved on.

My mom was diagnosed in Sept of 2011, with pancreatic cancer. I felt like someone stabbed me in the gut when my parents told me. My daughter was just born in January and I couldn't wrap my head around my moms being gone. It seemed so cruel and ****ed up...

For the next four months, we waited on news of how the chemo was working, if it was shrinking the tumor and if my mom was going to live. I went to bed with stomach pains, woke up with stomach pains, didn't sleep, and the stress and agony was unbearable.

My mom collapsed right after New Years and my uncle was with her, and carried her to the car. She remained in the hospital for a week. My aunt called to tell me that my mom was terminal, and I almost fainted. The first time in my life I almost lost consciousness like that...

I suspected she was going to die at that point, but until you hear those words, you hold out hope. It's human nature.

I spent my daughters first birthday in a hospice watching my mom die. That haunts me still, and I try not to focus on it much, but it can be difficult at times.

My mom will have been gone 5 years this Jan, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder what she would think of my daughter and son she never knew...

Sometimes I'll be in a great mood, and randomly think of my mom and the pain is unbearable. However, while the pain never goes away, you will learn how to mange that pain easier. In the past, I would get depressed for days when thinking of my mom. Now, I can push the pain away easier, and my bouts of sadness only last for minutes.

I think you will find that is the place you will manage to get to as time passes by, and it does make life much easier. Happiness will come again for you, trust me.

I'm sorry about losing your father.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand your description too..

My father knew he had very little time left, but I couldn't wrap my head around this fact, so part of me thought he was still coming home, even though the other half of me knew he was terminal and days away from leaving us.

What scares me now, is that I can't get a picture of him in my head, from before he was "distorted" and changed by the cancer.

All I see are memories of him destroyed by the sickness, his face shrunked up, panicked and hollow eyes etc..

I have to look at a physical picture to be able to remember what he looked like when he was happy and healthy..

And the sounds also follow me...the blurred speaking, heavy breaths filled with pain and agony.

Does this ever change?



God I miss him........

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand your description too..

My father knew he had very little time left, but I couldn't wrap my head around this fact, so part of me thought he was still coming home, even though the other half of me knew he was terminal and days away from leaving us.

What scares me now, is that I can't get a picture of him in my head, from before he was "distorted" and changed by the cancer.

All I see are memories of him destroyed by the sickness, his face shrunked up, panicked and hollow eyes etc..

I have to look at a physical picture to be able to remember what he looked like when he was happy and healthy..

And the sounds also follow me...the blurred speaking, heavy breaths filled with pain and agony.

Does this ever change?

God I miss him........

I have dual visions of my mom. Sometimes I think of how fragile she looked laying in the hospice during her last days, other times I have visions of the beautiful woman she was when I was a child.

It's been four years, but at times I still have bad dreams where she is alive and I'm trying to save her and I can't. Then I wake up with tears in my eyes.

So I wish I could promise you time makes all the hurt pass, but it doesn't.

What I can tell you is that the first year was the hardest. Holidays, birthdays, etc are not easy the first time around. My first Christmas without my mom I tried to put on a show for my family, but I literally excused myself 3-4 times to go cry in another room, cleaned myself up and went back to my family with a big fake smile.

Once those "firsts" are out of the way, it gets a little easier.

We used to visit this Christmas land place since my bro and I were kids every year around the holidays. My mom loved that place and we took her there right before she died. I had to push her around the place in a wheelchair and the memory of that haunted me after she died.

The next year, I wasn't going to go back, and didn't want to see that place anymore and think of how frail my mom looked in that wheelchair. I thought for sure I would walk in that place and break down hard...

However, I wanted to carry on the tradition and take my kids every year, like my mom did with us. So I fought through my fears and took my kids. They loved the animated displays and had a blast. So I was very happy I stared down my fears and went.

Now we go every year as one of our holiday traditions.

These are the kind of mental challenges you will have to overcome. You will have to learn to face your fears and beat them down. It won't always be successful though, but that's ok. It's part of being human.

Just remember that there is no time frame for your grief, and be sure to talk to loved ones about what you are feeling. Don't hold it inside or be afraid to talk about the things you loved about your dad and the memories you had of him.

Eventually, when you think of him, it won't be as painful, and you will learn how to flip the pain around into a happy memory of him and control your emotions much easier.

 

[Gee Wally]

I have dual visions of my mom. Sometimes I think of how fragile she looked laying in the hospice during her last days, other times I have visions of the beautiful woman she was when I was a child.

It's been four years, but at times I still have bad dreams where she is alive and I'm trying to save her and I can't. Then I wake up with tears in my eyes.

So I wish I could promise you time makes all the hurt pass, but it doesn't.

What I can tell you is that the first year was the hardest. Holidays, birthdays, etc are not easy the first time around. My first Christmas without my mom I tried to put on a show for my family, but I literally excused myself 3-4 times to go cry in another room, cleaned myself up and went back to my family with a big fake smile.

Once those "firsts" are out of the way, it gets a little easier.

We used to visit this Christmas land place since my bro and I were kids every year around the holidays. My mom loved that place and we took her there right before she died. I had to push her around the place in a wheelchair and the memory of that haunted me after she died.

The next year, I wasn't going to go back, and didn't want to see that place anymore and think of how frail my mom looked in that wheelchair. I thought for sure I would walk in that place and break down hard...

However, I wanted to carry on the tradition and take my kids every year, like my mom did with us. So I fought through my fears and took my kids. They loved the animated displays and had a blast. So I was very happy I stared down my fears and went.

Now we go every year as one of our holiday traditions.

These are the kind of mental challenges you will have to overcome. You will have to learn to face your fears and beat them down. It won't always be successful though, but that's ok. It's part of being human.

Just remember that there is no time frame for your grief, and be sure to talk to loved ones about what you are feeling. Don't hold it inside or be afraid to talk about the things you loved about your dad and the memories you had of him.

Eventually, when you think of him, it won't be as painful, and you will learn how to flip the pain around into a happy memory of him and control your emotions much easier.

This is a great post man. I couldn't have said it any better.

I mean that with all sincerity.

 

[McDrailers]

I have dual visions of my mom. Sometimes I think of how fragile she looked laying in the hospice during her last days, other times I have visions of the beautiful woman she was when I was a child.

It's been four years, but at times I still have bad dreams where she is alive and I'm trying to save her and I can't. Then I wake up with tears in my eyes.

So I wish I could promise you time makes all the hurt pass, but it doesn't.

What I can tell you is that the first year was the hardest. Holidays, birthdays, etc are not easy the first time around. My first Christmas without my mom I tried to put on a show for my family, but I literally excused myself 3-4 times to go cry in another room, cleaned myself up and went back to my family with a big fake smile.

Once those "firsts" are out of the way, it gets a little easier.

We used to visit this Christmas land place since my bro and I were kids every year around the holidays. My mom loved that place and we took her there right before she died. I had to push her around the place in a wheelchair and the memory of that haunted me after she died.

The next year, I wasn't going to go back, and didn't want to see that place anymore and think of how frail my mom looked in that wheelchair. I thought for sure I would walk in that place and break down hard...

However, I wanted to carry on the tradition and take my kids every year, like my mom did with us. So I fought through my fears and took my kids. They loved the animated displays and had a blast. So I was very happy I stared down my fears and went.

Now we go every year as one of our holiday traditions.

These are the kind of mental challenges you will have to overcome. You will have to learn to face your fears and beat them down. It won't always be successful though, but that's ok. It's part of being human.

Just remember that there is no time frame for your grief, and be sure to talk to loved ones about what you are feeling. Don't hold it inside or be afraid to talk about the things you loved about your dad and the memories you had of him.

Eventually, when you think of him, it won't be as painful, and you will learn how to flip the pain around into a happy memory of him and control your emotions much easier.

Probably one of the greatest things I've read to date. Nothing more can be said.

Sorry for your loss Cogs. I can't even imagine what you're going through. Hang in there.

 

[tony d]

Sorry for your loss, thoughts are with you and your family at this time. My family is going through it now with my oldest uncle's wife. She's 66 and there's not much that can be done for her.

It truly is a rotten illness.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

This is a great post man. I couldn't have said it any better.

I mean that with all sincerity.

Probably one of the greatest things I've read to date. Nothing more can be said.

Sorry for your loss Cogs. I can't even imagine what you're going through. Hang in there.

I'm just paying it fwd.

Like I said earlier, it's very important for someone like Cogs to hear from those of us further along in the grieving process.

I met a neighbor, about two months after my moms death when I was really bad off emotionally and he was kind enough to share his story about his father's death from cancer a few years beforehand. He spoke of how close they were, what his dad went through, and how he coped after his death.

It helped tremendously to hear his story, even though it was difficult for my neighbor to share. His dad actually had penis cancer and had to have it removed. Poor man suffered like that for two years and finally told his family he had to give up and could no longer go on.

Our talk really helped me (very) slowly piece things back together after my mom's death destroyed what my old life used to be. I realized that while what I was going through was hard, but I wasn't the only one who lost someone to cancer, and most importantly I still had my own health and other people who needed me to be ok.

Cogs will have a unique journey dealing with the grief, but focusing on the things that are important in life is the key for all of us to find a sense of healing.

And I know you are in a dark place right now Cogs, but you will crawl out of there and make sense of everything in due time.

 

[BMC]

My father passed away yesterday.

I wish I could write that it ended peacefully, but "hell" isn't a word that even comes close to describing it.

The way it ended and what he went through is 1000 times worse than any nightmare I can even make up with my wildest imagination.

This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was more happy and relieved that is was over, than I was sad that he was gone.

Time to end the life of this disgusting disease once and for all..

#****CANCER


Thanks for all the support in here, it meant more than you can imagine.

Now I have a long, LONG time of grieving ahead of me. Not sure if I will ever get past what my beloved father had to go through....

I am so sorry.

The only good thing is now your father suffers no more.You won't get over it but eventually you will make peace with it.

Blessings to you & your family.

 

[Nordic*]

Again, thank you everybody.

It is "unreal" to think about never ever getting to see a loved one again. My father was so unbelievably brave all through this too. He never felt sorry for himself or said anything about the pain.

His legs and stomach were bloated with fluid his body couldn't handle, while his face shrunk up.

It is as sick as it is ironic that he was dehydrated even though a big part of his body was full of fluid.

He knew he was dying but didn't care about humself at all. Up til the point where he couldn't talk anymore, he was only worried about how we (the family) would cope after he was gone.

If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Now I finally know what people mean when they say they would almost do anything to be able to just hug a loved one, one more time.

 

[Billerdzzz]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your Dad and family at this difficult time. :-(

Very sorry to hear.

 

[Nordic*]

Thank you.

Funeral tomorrow.

Totally "unreal"..

 

[Billerdzzz]

Thank you.

Funeral tomorrow.

Totally "unreal"..

You're welcome.

Again, my condolences, prayers are with you and your family at this time. My family knows the feeling. My Mom lost her Dad when she just turned 15, 29 when her Mom passed over. They both had cancer as well.

 

[Janks]

Sorry to hear about your loss. While I can't compare, my best advice after losing my step father is to remember him throughout his life, and how proud he will be of you for all your future accomplishments. This is what helps me.

 

[Nordic*]

Sorry to hear about your loss. While I can't compare, my best advice after losing my step father is to remember him throughout his life, and how proud he will be of you for all your future accomplishments. This is what helps me.

This is exactly how I try to think. My father wouldn't have wanted me to go into a depression and fall apart - he would've wanted me to live on and be the best person I could be.

I can't even describe how proud I am to have had him as my father, and I will live on trying to make him as proud as I am.

I'm actually going to see a medium in a couple of weeks.

Not sure what I believe at this point. We'll see.

Thanks again, everybody!

 

[Janks]

This is exactly how I try to think. My father wouldn't have wanted me to go into a depression and fall apart - he would've wanted me to live on and be the best person I could be.

I can't even describe how proud I am to have had him as my father, and I will live on trying to make him as proud as I am.

I'm actually going to see a medium in a couple of weeks.

Not sure what I believe at this point. We'll see.

Thanks again, everybody!

Excellent to hear. I'm sure he is already very proud of you. While I don't fully believe in medium's, my mother does and has nothing but positives to say. The medium my mother has gone to brings up things about my step father which only his close family knew - so I'm turning the corner on them.