Terminal cancer

[Dakota Sioux]

Sorry about your father. Lost my dad to colon cancer when he was 46 and I was 18. It was a relief when he passed away. No more pain. I now have a good buddy of mine who I've known for 46 of my 55 years on this earth who has maybe a week to go before lung cancer takes him. It's tough to witness but like my dad it will be a relief when he passes away.

 

[Nordic*]

Sorry about your father. Lost my dad to colon cancer when he was 46 and I was 18. It was a relief when he passed away. No more pain. I now have a good buddy of mine who I've known for 46 of my 55 years on this earth who has maybe a week to go before lung cancer takes him. It's tough to witness but like my dad it will be a relief when he passes away.

I hope I will feel that way when it's all over. Sorry to hear about losing your dad at such a young age. :/

 

[tony d]

Cancer is such a rotten illness, thoughts are with you and your family at this time. Remember your father as he lived and the good times you guys had together.

 

[Eco]

There is absolutely nothing I can say to help you through this terrible time, just try to remain positive, Pray (if you're religious), and try to enjoy what time you have left.

Hang in there buddy, and I'll be keeping you and your father in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[irunthepeg]

What do you think. Does it all end, or does "the other side" exist?

Strong believer in "the other side." That gives me the most comfort in losing loved ones, that one day I'll see them again.

 

[Deleted member 3032]

My mother passed away to cancer almost 8 years ago now (can't believe it's been so long...), and the biggest things I can give as advice is to spend as much time as you can with him. Anything you want to say, say it. Anything you want to ask, ask it. With my mother it was a very steep and rapid decline. We thought she had beaten cancer, but it came back and because of a switch in doctors it was missed for over half a year until she had very little time left.

The thing that was hard for me after the fact was that there were so many things I wanted to talk to her about that I never really had a chance to do, mostly because I was so unprepared at the time mentally/emotionally that I couldn't actually process everything. Anything you want to say, ask or talk about, do it.

That said, I am truly sorry.

 

[irunthepeg]

My mother passed away to cancer almost 8 years ago now (can't believe it's been so long...), and the biggest things I can give as advice is to spend as much time as you can with him. Anything you want to say, say it. Anything you want to ask, ask it. With my mother it was a very steep and rapid decline. We thought she had beaten cancer, but it came back and because of a switch in doctors it was missed for over half a year until she had very little time left.

The thing that was hard for me after the fact was that there were so many things I wanted to talk to her about that I never really had a chance to do, mostly because I was so unprepared at the time mentally/emotionally that I couldn't actually process everything. Anything you want to say, ask or talk about, do it.

That said, I am truly sorry.

Same thing with my mom. Two years+ of fighting it. The first summer, I remember it being so weird cause the doctor was so positive and it was like yup she'll lose her hair, fight it, beat it, done. It happened through that summer. Done. All gone, no radiation needed. Then I remember she was sick (like a cold) for a really long time like months and suddenly she went back to the doctor and they found it had come back. Same doctor and everything (she was a really great doctor, very stern and no ********) but you could just see she knew that cause it was coming back, it was coming back hard.

As someone who was very close with their mom (she was honestly one of my best friends, I talked to her about EVERYTHING -- something I don't have with my dad), there is so much value in making sure there are no lingering bad feelings or things you wish you had said.

 

[Ladyfan]

My father has terminal cancer and all treatments are terminated. He's given "weeks", whatever that means.

I never knew that cancer also affected the mind, but he has trouble understanding and also communicating himself. His mouth isn't responding to what he wants to say, which makes his speech blurry.

I'm 39 years old and as an adult I thought I would be able to handle the situation - and the fact that his passing is getting closer and closer.

I can't.

24/7 it is on my mind and I didn't know a human body could contain this amount of tears.

Can someone give me any advice as to how I can get through this? :/

How terrible.

Talk to him about the happy times in his life...good memories.

Spend time.

You will need time to be sad. Allow yourself that time.

Sending a hug. There are many caring folks here. Don't be afraid to come here to vent. When my mother passed many on the B's board (folks I had never met) helped me with their kind words.

 

[Ladyfan]

I'm so grateful for your replies and personal stories.

Even though this is something 99%of all people go through at some point, I can't help but feeling totally alone. Perhaps I am in the sense that every story and every memory is unique.

Like I wrote to one person in here who sent me a personal message; my father is slowly losing his ability to understand and communicate.

As much as this crushes me, perhaps him losing his "mind" is the best thing that could happen to him right now. That way he will hopefully not have his heart broken when he sees us all in tears.

Not being aware of "reality" is probably the most humane place to be, when you're laying on a bed 24/7, knowing that in a matter of a few weeks (at most), your life will be over.



What do you think. Does it all end, or does "the other side" exist?

I don't believe in heaven or hell but I am spiritual and have seen and heard both of my parents....and they are no longer on this earth.

I believe there is more after death because I have seen, heard and felt it.

I was with both my Dad (who passed in 2003) and Mom who passed in 2008 when they left this earth. I still miss them terribly and think of them every day. Now though... I find I am able to remember some of the good times and smile...It took a long time for me to get to this.

 

[Dr Pepper]

My condolences for the situation you're in. Wouldn't wish it on anyone, honestly.

The inevitable passing of either my parents scares the living daylights out of me.

 

[Peter Griffin]

Sorry to hear this. I too lost my father to complications caused from cancer. He went to ER with shortness of breath, didn't seem too serious and figured he'd be released later that day or the next. Me and my sister left for maybe an hour and then came back to our mother crying, walking towards us at the entrance to the hospital. Turns out he had a pulmonary embolism and had passed away while we were gone. To this day I regret not being able to say goodbye to my father so if there is one thing I can tell you, cherish these final moments with him, let him know how much he means to you. I wish I could go back and have just five minutes with mine to say goodbye.

 

[Masao]

Cancer sucks.

Be strong, bro.

There's no way to go through something like this without coming out unhurt. I know.

I lost many people over the years. What I tell myself is that when you die, time stops being linear. They are dead now, but they were alive in the past. And that past still exists out there somewhere in the fabric of the universe. Those happy moments you shared, that's where they are now.

 

[BMC]

This is a good thing to do. Let him know how much you love him and care about him. Everyone should do this with their family if they're alive so it's not a "too late" scenario.

I agree, don't wait until it is too late.

My father is slowly dying of COPD/emphysema. I see him every day, even if it is only for a few minutes. I know I am lucky to have both parents at age 53 even though there are times when I get very irritated with one or both of them. I just remind myself that I won't always have them around.

Cogsbreakaway I am so sorry about your dad. Just spend time with him, make him as comfortable as possible and tell him you love him.

Have you contacted hospice? They are great at helping terminally ill people and their families.

 

[Nordic*]

When the medical staff informed us, the family, about what was going to happen, they said that hospice wasn't availible to us.

Can't remember if that was only in my area or in Sweden overall.

My father is now in the palliative ward, which consists of around 20 rooms at the local hospital.

Right now, only 7 of those rooms are filled, which probably means that when you get to that point of the "process of dying", it generally happens pretty quickly..

The saddest part of all is the fact that it is embedded in a corner of the BB, which is the Swedish label of the part where babies are delivered.

So in one corner of the hospital, life is both given lost.

Kind of poetic if I wasn't kind of dying inside myself, watching my dad quickly fading away...

 

[Dr Pepper]

They probably did that on purpose, for that reason.

On the flip side, it might dampen the day of a new parent to see what's nearby, but **** them right now, they don't matter.

I hope your remaining time with your father is filled with fond memories.

 

[Nordic*]

My father has rapidly gotten worse. It has gone from "it's a matter of weeks", to days.. I don't know the correct term, but he stops breathing (in his sleep) regularely, about 15-20 seconds.

Right now, as I sit as his (death)bed at the hospital, I almost wish that he doesn't have to wake up again. His while life revolves around pain, being stuck in a hospital bed. Can't eat, urinating through a catheter, heavily medicated to ease the pain and the anxiety over the fact that he knows that his time is almost up. Can hardly even speak anymore, hardly even anything at all.

I have at least told him how much I love him, so there will be no regrets of things I wished I had told him.

All I do, is lay awake listening to his breaths, knowing that at some point, the one will come that is his last.

This whole situation feels "unreal". It's hard to really take in that my father, who has been there for me all my life, will soon be gone.

 

[PanthersPens62]

My father has rapidly gotten worse. It has gone from "it's a matter of weeks", to days.. I don't know the correct term, but he stops breathing (in his sleep) regularely, about 15-20 seconds.

Right now, as I sit as his (death)bed at the hospital, I almost wish that he doesn't have to wake up again. His while life revolves around pain, being stuck in a hospital bed. Can't eat, urinating through a catheter, heavily medicated to ease the pain and the anxiety over the fact that he knows that his time is almost up. Can hardly even speak anymore, hardly even anything at all.

I have at least told him how much I love him, so there will be no regrets of things I wished I had told him.

All I do, is lay awake listening to his breaths, knowing that at some point, the one will come that is his last.

This whole situation feels "unreal". It's hard to really take in that my father, who has been there for me all my life, will soon be gone.

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts & prayers to you, your dad & your family.

 

[*Bob Richards*]

I have at least told him how much I love him, so there will be no regrets of things I wished I had told him.

Good. I know it must be incredibly difficult but I really do hope you take solace in all the time you've spent together through everything. Take solace in that you were able to let him know how much you love him.

 

[Hansen]

I'm so sorry to hear about this and am sending well wishes to you and yours.

I can't imagine how it must feel, in December my 4 year old brother was diagnosed with leukemia. Childhood leukemia is very treatable, there is still great fear and anxiety surrounding the outcome but a lot of hope to go with it. To know that the situation is that much more dire right away must be so much worse, and I can only give you my support.

It feels surreal sometimes, it doesn't matter what I might be doing, but it just pops into my mind like an abstract thought, my baby brother has cancer. Even after all of the treatment, process, and successful procedures sometimes it still doesn't feel like its actually happening, like it can't be happening to me and my family.

Please consider your own wellbeing too in all of this, and if you feel that you need it, pursue professional help like counselling or therapy, anything. I think that the last thing that anyone afflicted by these illnesses truly wants is the suffering of their loved ones.

 

[Nordic*]

I'm so sorry to hear about this and am sending well wishes to you and yours.

I can't imagine how it must feel, in December my 4 year old brother was diagnosed with leukemia. Childhood leukemia is very treatable, there is still great fear and anxiety surrounding the outcome but a lot of hope to go with it. To know that the situation is that much more dire right away must be so much worse, and I can only give you my support.

It feels surreal sometimes, it doesn't matter what I might be doing, but it just pops into my mind like an abstract thought, my baby brother has cancer. Even after all of the treatment, process, and successful procedures sometimes it still doesn't feel like its actually happening, like it can't be happening to me and my family.

Please consider your own wellbeing too in all of this, and if you feel that you need it, pursue professional help like counselling or therapy, anything. I think that the last thing that anyone afflicted by these illnesses truly wants is the suffering of their loved ones.

Thank you!

My father is 74 years old and had a good life, if you exclude the last 4-5 years where he battled cancer..

Hearing about your 4-year old brother breaks my heart. I work as a teacher and my current pupils are 10 years old. Can't imagine someone half theur age going through this hell.

One thing I have learned is that life isn't fair. There is no karma that brings positive things to good people and negative to bad people.

I'm not religious so I can't say I'll pray for your baby brother, but I really hope that he'll pull through and that he leaves the cancer behind him - to never hear from it ever again.

 

[dr robbie]

Im sorry you are going through this, I know its got to be rough. Im glad that youre able to be with him though.

 

[Nordic*]

I have to say I'm overwhelmed with the support in here. People have even taken the time to write long pm:s to me.

This is more empathy and compassion that I've gotten from "friends". For instance, one of these "friends" acted as if he was offended when I cancelled his soccer party, to be with my father..

 

[Ralph Malfredsson]

Sorry Cogs
There is little harder in life than seeing a parent pass away.
It is good you were able to spend meaningful time with him.
Please do take time for yourself.
My condolences.

 

[Nordic*]

My father passed away yesterday.

I wish I could write that it ended peacefully, but "hell" isn't a word that even comes close to describing it.

The way it ended and what he went through is 1000 times worse than any nightmare I can even make up with my wildest imagination.

This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was more happy and relieved that is was over, than I was sad that he was gone.

Time to end the life of this disgusting disease once and for all..

#****CANCER


Thanks for all the support in here, it meant more than you can imagine.

Now I have a long, LONG time of grieving ahead of me. Not sure if I will ever get past what my beloved father had to go through....

 

[Eco]

My father passed away yesterday.

I wish I could write that it ended peacefully, but "hell" isn't a word that even comes close to describing it.

The way it ended and what he went through is 1000 times worse than any nightmare I can even make up with my wildest imagination.

This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was more happy and relieved that is was over, than I was sad that he was gone.

Time to end the life of this disgusting disease once and for all..

#****CANCER


Thanks for all the support in here, it meant more than you can imagine.

Now I have a long, LONG time of grieving ahead of me. Not sure if I will ever get passed what my beloved father had to go through....

Sorry Cogs...I absolutely hate it for you brother. I wish there was some kind of outlet we could provide you with so that you just get hours, maybe minutes, of relief but I'm sure that the pain you are going through right now is unfathomable.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers sir, just know we are here for you and again, I am so, so sorry.