OT: Relationship Advice Thread
- Thread starter LokiDog
- Start date
aufheben
#Norris4Fox
effen
Registered User
- Feb 3, 2018
- 9,929
- 9,468
Know what kind of person you what you mesh with. Be honest with yourself (this is hard). Often how your partner LOOKS is for other people, how they ARE is for you. At least IMO:
If you're a type A who likes to fight, find another type A who likes to fight.
If you're a type B who wants to chill and listen to vinyl, guess what.
If you're a type A who needs a type B to be the Robin to your Batman, do that.
If the reverse, do that.
If you're a mirror, find the kind of person you'd like to mirror. If you can find ANOTHER mirror and you both have good natures, you'll end up magnifying each others good natures and be the lovey dovey couple everyone hates.
Don't give up. Even aufheben.
If you're a type A who likes to fight, find another type A who likes to fight.
If you're a type B who wants to chill and listen to vinyl, guess what.
If you're a type A who needs a type B to be the Robin to your Batman, do that.
If the reverse, do that.
If you're a mirror, find the kind of person you'd like to mirror. If you can find ANOTHER mirror and you both have good natures, you'll end up magnifying each others good natures and be the lovey dovey couple everyone hates.
Don't give up. Even aufheben.
- Jul 6, 2017
- 14,111
- 13,207
Truth. My girlfriend of four years and I have very different tastes. She loves the fine arts and is a foodie; I love the sciences and hockey. But we both value health / fitness, education, discipline, organization, affection and passion for everything a person does. So while we may want to watch different things on the telly, or she may want to visit the Met while I want to catch the Rangers game, we ultimately care most for each others’ happiness and growth — which is what drives us toward each other.
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
It's true tho. I'm delightful.
It’s true that common interests are not as important as they’re thought to be. My fiancé and I have some. She likes LotR and GoT and stuff like that, but I like it more and I think the fact that I was unabashedly into it and enthusiastic was more endearing than the mere fact that we had something in common.
I’m born in NY and spent a long time in the military. When we met I’d just moved back from Texas and I had a beard and cowboy boots on and was drinking bourbon. She was born in Poland and moved to the US when she was 22 (we’re both in our 30s now). She never watched sports but she’s very into fitness and the outdoors. I am too, but in addition to lifting she ran marathons. I hate running. I play hockey, she climbs mountains. We both love the outdoors, fitness and adventure, so we’re signed up to climb Mt. Rainier next year. She wanted to go to some hockey games and see what it’s all about so we went to some Rangers games and now she’s quite into it. The things we don’t have in common but introduce each other to or embrace for one another are bigger than the things we do have in common. We’re both foodies but she loves healthy and vegetarian food, and I love being a disgusting carnivore. She tries my food, I try hers, neither of us is too picky. She likes girly movies and television shows, I hate it. We watch it together sometimes. But she watches all Rangers games. She’s very fashionable and just has an innate sense of what’s in style; very Brooklyn, bougie hipster. I look like a lumber jack (not the hipster kind). We’re really super different but down to try just about anything, especially when it’s together, and we have enough in common to have a “glue night” where we just order a pizza and binge Tolkien movies.
We both have been through a divorce, want the same things in life (and know WHAT we want), want children, value health and fitness a little bit obsessively, share our world views for the most part (socio/econo/politico). We laugh at each other. We annoy each other. We push each other to try new stuff. We support one another. That’s what really matters.
And we’ve been quarantined for like 100 days together and both worked from home for 75% of that so, if we haven’t killed each other yet, we’re doing alright.
I’m born in NY and spent a long time in the military. When we met I’d just moved back from Texas and I had a beard and cowboy boots on and was drinking bourbon. She was born in Poland and moved to the US when she was 22 (we’re both in our 30s now). She never watched sports but she’s very into fitness and the outdoors. I am too, but in addition to lifting she ran marathons. I hate running. I play hockey, she climbs mountains. We both love the outdoors, fitness and adventure, so we’re signed up to climb Mt. Rainier next year. She wanted to go to some hockey games and see what it’s all about so we went to some Rangers games and now she’s quite into it. The things we don’t have in common but introduce each other to or embrace for one another are bigger than the things we do have in common. We’re both foodies but she loves healthy and vegetarian food, and I love being a disgusting carnivore. She tries my food, I try hers, neither of us is too picky. She likes girly movies and television shows, I hate it. We watch it together sometimes. But she watches all Rangers games. She’s very fashionable and just has an innate sense of what’s in style; very Brooklyn, bougie hipster. I look like a lumber jack (not the hipster kind). We’re really super different but down to try just about anything, especially when it’s together, and we have enough in common to have a “glue night” where we just order a pizza and binge Tolkien movies.
We both have been through a divorce, want the same things in life (and know WHAT we want), want children, value health and fitness a little bit obsessively, share our world views for the most part (socio/econo/politico). We laugh at each other. We annoy each other. We push each other to try new stuff. We support one another. That’s what really matters.
And we’ve been quarantined for like 100 days together and both worked from home for 75% of that so, if we haven’t killed each other yet, we’re doing alright.
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
Funny thing is, I met this girl recently who like LOVES Liverpool and she's very nice but then the pandemic hit and I just wasn't even thinking about it.
But anyway, my initial reaction was that somehow, it's almost not a good thing. Like, I'm already married to Liverpool, I don't need to be in two relationships with Liverpool.
Maybe I'm just weird, but I feel like while having common hobbies is good, my passions are mine and having it also be part of your love life is overload.
But anyway, my initial reaction was that somehow, it's almost not a good thing. Like, I'm already married to Liverpool, I don't need to be in two relationships with Liverpool.
Maybe I'm just weird, but I feel like while having common hobbies is good, my passions are mine and having it also be part of your love life is overload.
Raspewtin
Stay at home defenseman hater
- May 30, 2013
- 43,769
- 20,413
only advice i have that has any value is be open minded cause if you date someone just like you you will hate them lol
me and my wife have very little in common interest wise but that has made our relationship way more exciting especially when we moved in together. we put each other on to a lot of stuff and its made us even stronger
me and my wife have very little in common interest wise but that has made our relationship way more exciting especially when we moved in together. we put each other on to a lot of stuff and its made us even stronger
What's cool is when you build hobbies together because the other person finds it important.
Maximus
Registered User
Just seeing this thread and this seems like perfect place to inquire.
Before C0vid my girlfriend and I went our separate ways as she was wanting more commitment from our relationship than I was willing to give. I have been divorced twice and so the "friends with benefits" relationship we had going on was perfect, at least too me at was. And for her it was too until ironically about a month before things shut down, she wanted us to move in together and stuff like that and that just wasn't going to happen.
Anyways and too my point, thru corona-virus, I've avoided dating sites and shit like that seeing I didn't see how even a casual relationship could be fostered, if you couldn't actually be with that person and let the natural progression of a relationship go forward. I dunno, the idea of having a Zoom type of relationship where you obviously couldn't touch one another just didn't jibe with me.
I dunno maybe I'm missing something because I would like to meet another woman. Do you guys think that a normal courting and sexual type relationship can be had in this "new normal" Covid style, when anyone you meet, you have wonder if she's "safe" or not. Or whether or not you can go for the kiss even if you decide to meet at some outside cafe? I dunno, it just seems so odd and weird to have to think like this. Hope I'm explaining myself here. If not...thx for reading tho...lol
Before C0vid my girlfriend and I went our separate ways as she was wanting more commitment from our relationship than I was willing to give. I have been divorced twice and so the "friends with benefits" relationship we had going on was perfect, at least too me at was. And for her it was too until ironically about a month before things shut down, she wanted us to move in together and stuff like that and that just wasn't going to happen.
Anyways and too my point, thru corona-virus, I've avoided dating sites and shit like that seeing I didn't see how even a casual relationship could be fostered, if you couldn't actually be with that person and let the natural progression of a relationship go forward. I dunno, the idea of having a Zoom type of relationship where you obviously couldn't touch one another just didn't jibe with me.
I dunno maybe I'm missing something because I would like to meet another woman. Do you guys think that a normal courting and sexual type relationship can be had in this "new normal" Covid style, when anyone you meet, you have wonder if she's "safe" or not. Or whether or not you can go for the kiss even if you decide to meet at some outside cafe? I dunno, it just seems so odd and weird to have to think like this. Hope I'm explaining myself here. If not...thx for reading tho...lol
Yes, it’s no different than my fiancé going to work at her firm, seeing clients and other visitors and coworkers all day and then coming home and kissing me. It’s also no different than sexually deciding to get intimate with someone. Sure, you can use protection, but a lot of... other activities leave you both exposed to risk. If they’re healthy and don’t feel symptomatic, I don’t feel you’re dramatically increasing your odds of coming into contact with the virus than you would via other means. But if my fiancé can go to to work and interact with 40 people a day, even if 25 are the same every day, and we can both go to the stores, etc. we’re enough at risk of exposure, separate from one another, that one of us could be exposed and pass it to another. Maybe deciding to see someone new adds more ‘unnecessary’ risk (whereas my fiancé and I are already living together so I guess it’s “necessary risk”) but not enough that it would dissuade me from considering dating at this point.
But I wouldn’t expect that meeting someone new at some outdoor cafe is significantly riskier than meeting a friend or going solo and having other people be there and a waiter take your order.
Maximus
Registered User
Appreciate the input and you bring up exactly what the rub is which is formulating a brand new relationship with a stranger. Had my former girl friend and I not broken up, I'd be exactly in the same position and to be frank, I likely wouldn't even be concerned who she saw in public seeing I know she was being responsible as I was.
That said before I got married the first time which wasn't until I was 30 and in the interim period between my two marriages which was around 7 years, you could say I was your typical horn dog guy. One night stands, two night stands...etc...it didn't matter. So long as I was getting some, I didn't care with who or whether it was a relationship.
I was very selfish, living a lifestyle going to clubs, doing drugs, smoking, the works. I'm older now. I don't need to do that anymore nor would I. In this new covid era, I'm actually wondering if meeting a woman at the bar can still occur and if things work out take her home. I mean in the past it was so easy. Now I'm thinking these woman I meet might be paranoid, the signals that I used to get in the past, will maybe be different. I dunno man, I guess I just gotta go try it out and see how things work.
My area where I live in suburbs of Philly, finally goes green this coming Friday, which means happy hours, bars, restaurants can open and you can go inside with 50-75% capacity compared to in the past. I guess I'll just have to jump into the pool "safely" and see what kind of "new fish" I meet...lol. It's going to be very interesting for sure!
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
I can vouch for the fact that this man actually watches TV now.
I was much the same in between my first marriage and meeting my fiancé. It’s very easy in the military to enjoy the bachelor life. I think you just have to go for it. It’s another layer of risk, but so is returning to the bars and trusting the bar staff is healthy, the glasses they serve you in are adequately cleaned, etc. just like going to the store has been some amount of risk. Just like returning to work is some amount of risk. I don’t think that dating, just because of kissing and stuff is any higher risk. The odds of being exposed are probably statistically in line with the odds of being exposed simply by being at a recently opened bar or being served a drink by a stranger or using the pin pad to check out at the grocery store. As far as the signals you get from the women? Just communicate. As always, the worst thing you can get is a rejection. If you think you’d be closing the deal under normal circumstances you just say something like, so I don’t know how you feel about it since everything only just opened back up, but you wanna come back to my place? It’s not much different than normal. Just a new reason why you might get turned down, which was always a chance anyway.
Maximus
Registered User
You make damn good sense there Loki. I really do appreciate the input seeing that this is a topic that has been on my mind for a month or so now and I really didn't know who too talk about it with seeing most of my buds are married and not on the same wave length as I am.
Here it is tho, you are virtually married and you talk quite a bit of sense. Maybe I'm selling my friends short and I could strike up a conversation on the golf course something like that about this...hmmm. Anyways cheers L Dog
You probably can talk to your friends about this stuff, away from their ladies. Depending of course on their background, but my fiancé knows I was a bit of a handful before I met her. I don’t hide things, and I think she knows that as long as she can trust me, the fact that she’s the one to “tame the wild horse” is a compliment, so to speak. In the military, especially in an armed role adjacent to special operations units, it’s easy to have a lot of confidence and, being that I joined older than most, you run with a younger crowd, have a bit more poise, a bit more experience to begin with. It was easy to think the bachelors life was where it was at forever, and unashamedly throw myself into it. I have stories that are too absurd to tell here in polite company. I found a supremely beautiful woman with a brain and an upbringing that, I think, is almost impossible to find among US women, who matches me in virtually every thing and changed my plans. It wasn’t always the case. Two months after we met she cut me off because I was not exclusively dating her. We’d never discussed or agreed to be exclusive. It took about a month of ruminating on what I’d lost to decide to chase her and cut the bachelor crap, and another month or so to get her to take me seriously. But I think you’ll find your friends, depending on their own experiences, are happy to talk about this stuff in a private setting.
I’m also tickled to be called Loki and L Dog because my avatar is literally just my dog, Loki. And he’d probably be a damned good, wise poster if he had fingers. As you can see, he’s an avid hockey player.
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Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
Maximus
Registered User
@Maximus comes off as this mild-mannered gentleman in his Rangers and Jets related posts, but apparently he's quite the playa.
Part of it is that if you cannot function on your own, then the relationship will be in trouble. I became a CrossFit and boutique training junkie. My better half is not and nor do I try to convert her (or anyone else). While we both love food, I am the heat lover and she is not (though her levels have gone up as I tend to sneak things in). We both go to theater, but she likes some things that I do not and is comfortable going with other friends.
And then there are some things that people can understand only after they have been through it. We both have kids. We have also both gone through a divorce. Having commonality helps.
Agreed on just going for it. You can only be protective of so many things. And with your married friends, they will have a different perspective but will probably recall what it is like to be single.
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Yes, this is accurate. Aside from trivial things like enjoying the fantasy genre, we’re extremely different, but with underlying commonalities.
She’s into body building and running marathons. I’m into competitive powerlifting. We both value health and fitness.
She loves the dessert landscapes and red rocks in Utah and Arizona. I prefer the green of upstate NY or Washington. We both love the outdoors and hiking and adventuring.
I love food like wings, ribs, burgers, etc. and she really enjoys vegetarian curry or hummus. But we both love sitting at a bar, grabbing a few drinks and sharing an assortment of appetizers that make us both happy.
We’re very different on the surface but there’s common threads everywhere that make it not matter. We’re both willing to indulge and embrace each other’s hobbies and interests. More importantly, despite how ostensibly different we are, we agree on values and views of the future.
NYSPORTS
back afta dis. . .
- Jun 17, 2019
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Maximus
Registered User
Hahaha...funny there Snow. And no I'm not mild mannered well at least I've never thought of myself that way nor has anyone really said that about me not that it's a bad thing. Curious how I could have ever given you that impression as sometimes I feel I over do it as I get too passionate about our Rangers or the Mets and Jets.
Yes I do like to play around, tho not when I'm with someone in a relationship...always been the faithful type. But when not in a relationship like right now, yes I'm a bit on the prowl tho as with the discussion with LDog, it's a little more complicated to do so while the zombie apocalypse is going on...lol
This question might make me sound like a teenager. Here goes, I know that the advice guys are always given when talking to women is "ask questions" and "talk less, listen more". I've gotten better at this on first dates. However, beyond that when I get comfortable I go back to what's comfortable for me, talking a lot. I don't know if this is a personality flaw but it is what it is. Is the "talk less, listen more" advice still relevant when you've talked to a person longer? Is there a point where it's like "this is who I am if you don't like it, tough"?
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