will1066
Registered User
- Oct 12, 2008
- 48,014
- 67,045
OT: Relationship Advice Thread
- Thread starter LokiDog
- Start date
Yeah but being in the same venue makes it more likely people will actually go to the bar.
Last edited:
will1066
Registered User
- Oct 12, 2008
- 48,014
- 67,045
That's probably what you do not want. Whittle down the field for the after-party.
Yes, but there's a sweet spot. During improv no one went out. It's better more people go than no one.
KirkAlbuquerque
#WeNeverGetAGoodCoach
So, you’re gonna want to arrange the briquettes in a mound and add some lighter fluid, then apply a match and wait for the charcoals to be nice and gray. Put the grate down on the grill, wait for it to get nice and hot, unzip your trousers and lay pp directly on grill.
KirkAlbuquerque
#WeNeverGetAGoodCoach
Jackpot
Registered Abuser
Yes true and I agree "luck" is big part of it. It is really difficult to plan a date with a girl who knows a friend for instant. Always be you and go for it, and dont give it all up if not successful for the 10th time. A girl said no sex, or no beer/coffee that evening, and it could be 1000 different reasons which dont even include you as a person, but too many men analyze communication too much without knowing the exact reasoning.
And too many men & women give up on a new relation, because we get emotionally hurt with our pride, because we are human.
However I know this is really easy to say, but it is really important if someone here struggle to meet a girl, because of "no" or not interested in the past - and to build character (robust) is a key word. And active work with yourself and your mind and be self reflective. If you are stressed in such situation that is normal, but Yoga lessons can help with deep breaht technique for instant.
It is maybe more related to dating, but it is very close to a succesful relationship.
In the end I would like to say that not all are meant to live together, because of x,y reasons and I know some who enjoy being single, because of her job/hobby, personal interest, and life too busy to settle down, and some have a distant relation without living together for example.
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Barnaby
Registered User
I've gone to three singles events in the last couple of months. I got three phone numbers. All from guys...
Barnaby
Registered User
Sounds like time to soul search. Embrace it.
Just whatever you do, don't sign up for any male self help dating schemes or pick up artist nonsense, don't fall for F&F type cultish money grabs, and understand the difference between "having game" which is cheesy and can be lost and BEING the GAME that she wants to play.
Sure, if you act like a douche and all mean, and flaunt money and crap you'll probably get your pick of young, insecure, naive girls with daddy issues. And that could be fun.
But ultimately, it's fleeting and could also cause you a ton of problems. And you won't meet real women with depth and brains or someone you could have a future with too often either.
Always remember, power that can be lost or taken away isn't really yours to begin with. Real power comes from within, in all situations, buck necked with just you and your brain on a deserted island. Be a freakin Jedi.
My best advice would be, do NOT date and do not expect anything. Dating makes people anxious and moody. Also, don't go to bars and clubs looking for girls. Go to bars and clubs or even coffee houses and make girls look for YOU. Not that you can't walk up to her, but it's better if you can get her to walk up to you. And if you have to walk up to her, don't overdo it or act like all nervous or obnoxiously cocky. And if you make eye contact and she doesn't come over to you within 5 minutes or less, you probably should go over to her. And when you do make eye contact, don't look away, nod and acknowledge the eye contact and then act like you are busy at the moment talking to a friend or whatever. Plus, your not usually going to meet the best girls in clubs or bars. Or at least, you'll have to deal with more of the Instagram type crowd. And by "best girls" I don't mean solely in appearance or hottest. All though you'll still attract hot girls in the long run, just preferably ones with depth.
Be genuine you, hang out, socialize with people, be the best you that you can be. And while doing that, don't give any one lady too much attention, or at least, don't act interested. In fact, ALWAYS act like you have a girlfriend or wife at home and that you could care less if the girl you are talking to likes you or not. (I don't mean pretend you have a GF at home, just act like you would if you did) ----- if you do this, I promise you, girls will literally be throwing themselves at you. Like, literally jumping in the air on top of you. At least, that's been my experience. And frankly, you don't need a dollar in your pocket and you could be wearing nothing more than jeans and a hoodie with your hair a mess. Well, that last part changes as you get older and women get more desperate for security. But at least when you are like, in your 20's, it's not necessary to be all decked out and flashing hundred dollar bills. Shoot, I was a pizza delivery driver , worked in a movie theater and as a janitor for like 7 years and those were some of the best years of my life. I would be cleaning the freakin women's bathrooms in a Bsrnes and Nobles, with the little yellow wet floor sign outside to close it off, and girls that worked there or shopped there who I saw regularly would come in and just slam me into the sink. I won't get into too much detail. But um, you can be dirty as a dog, like actually dirty, not just filthy minded, but filthy, and it works. Even when you are older as long as the situation is appropriate. Like if you go to a fancy place, you'll have to dress up. And once you are in your 30's obviously, she wants to know you can pay your own way. But you don't need to be a hedge fund manager or anything. So don't throw money around in her face, or pay too much for her drinks or whatever. Buy one drink maybe if shes cool and talking to you. But that's about it.
Oh, and always act like the "bus driver". Like the man in charge, but not in a loud and obnoxious way. In a subtle, this is always how I am kind of calm and collected just going about your business kind of way. Again, like a Jedi. If you notice, when you get on a bus, women tend to sit or stand near the front, as close to the driver as possible. There are a bunch of psychological reasons for this, but basically, you can mimic it, by appearing to be in charge and confident in all situations. So like, in the subconscious, if say a predator like a saber tooth tiger or cave bear comes storming into your little neck of the forest, she'l automatically run and hide behind you instead of the other guy. Luckily, there aren't many cave bears and saber tooth tigers in our day to day lives. So you'll hopefully never have to prove you can fight one. Well, at least not regularly, some people today are just as bad as cave bears. lol. But even then, don't do the macho BS. If you can use your wit and nerve to deescalate a situation or stop a marauding bonehead, she'll like you 100x more.
Ahem. But anyway, in summation, be genuine (except for acting like you're in charge and acting like, not pretending, you have a GF waiting for you at home), socialize, and do some of these other things and you will meet a higher quality of woman. You'll likely have your pick of the young, naive and insecure types also, but you'll have a better shot with girls who have depth and who aren't like, clout chasers.
It probably helped that I've played in bands all my life and directed a little film in my 20s. But that's a story for another time.
Sure, if you act like a douche and all mean, and flaunt money and crap you'll probably get your pick of young, insecure, naive girls with daddy issues. And that could be fun.
But ultimately, it's fleeting and could also cause you a ton of problems. And you won't meet real women with depth and brains or someone you could have a future with too often either.
Always remember, power that can be lost or taken away isn't really yours to begin with. Real power comes from within, in all situations, buck necked with just you and your brain on a deserted island. Be a freakin Jedi.
My best advice would be, do NOT date and do not expect anything. Dating makes people anxious and moody. Also, don't go to bars and clubs looking for girls. Go to bars and clubs or even coffee houses and make girls look for YOU. Not that you can't walk up to her, but it's better if you can get her to walk up to you. And if you have to walk up to her, don't overdo it or act like all nervous or obnoxiously cocky. And if you make eye contact and she doesn't come over to you within 5 minutes or less, you probably should go over to her. And when you do make eye contact, don't look away, nod and acknowledge the eye contact and then act like you are busy at the moment talking to a friend or whatever. Plus, your not usually going to meet the best girls in clubs or bars. Or at least, you'll have to deal with more of the Instagram type crowd. And by "best girls" I don't mean solely in appearance or hottest. All though you'll still attract hot girls in the long run, just preferably ones with depth.
Be genuine you, hang out, socialize with people, be the best you that you can be. And while doing that, don't give any one lady too much attention, or at least, don't act interested. In fact, ALWAYS act like you have a girlfriend or wife at home and that you could care less if the girl you are talking to likes you or not. (I don't mean pretend you have a GF at home, just act like you would if you did) ----- if you do this, I promise you, girls will literally be throwing themselves at you. Like, literally jumping in the air on top of you. At least, that's been my experience. And frankly, you don't need a dollar in your pocket and you could be wearing nothing more than jeans and a hoodie with your hair a mess. Well, that last part changes as you get older and women get more desperate for security. But at least when you are like, in your 20's, it's not necessary to be all decked out and flashing hundred dollar bills. Shoot, I was a pizza delivery driver , worked in a movie theater and as a janitor for like 7 years and those were some of the best years of my life. I would be cleaning the freakin women's bathrooms in a Bsrnes and Nobles, with the little yellow wet floor sign outside to close it off, and girls that worked there or shopped there who I saw regularly would come in and just slam me into the sink. I won't get into too much detail. But um, you can be dirty as a dog, like actually dirty, not just filthy minded, but filthy, and it works. Even when you are older as long as the situation is appropriate. Like if you go to a fancy place, you'll have to dress up. And once you are in your 30's obviously, she wants to know you can pay your own way. But you don't need to be a hedge fund manager or anything. So don't throw money around in her face, or pay too much for her drinks or whatever. Buy one drink maybe if shes cool and talking to you. But that's about it.
Oh, and always act like the "bus driver". Like the man in charge, but not in a loud and obnoxious way. In a subtle, this is always how I am kind of calm and collected just going about your business kind of way. Again, like a Jedi. If you notice, when you get on a bus, women tend to sit or stand near the front, as close to the driver as possible. There are a bunch of psychological reasons for this, but basically, you can mimic it, by appearing to be in charge and confident in all situations. So like, in the subconscious, if say a predator like a saber tooth tiger or cave bear comes storming into your little neck of the forest, she'l automatically run and hide behind you instead of the other guy. Luckily, there aren't many cave bears and saber tooth tigers in our day to day lives. So you'll hopefully never have to prove you can fight one. Well, at least not regularly, some people today are just as bad as cave bears. lol. But even then, don't do the macho BS. If you can use your wit and nerve to deescalate a situation or stop a marauding bonehead, she'll like you 100x more.
Ahem. But anyway, in summation, be genuine (except for acting like you're in charge and acting like, not pretending, you have a GF waiting for you at home), socialize, and do some of these other things and you will meet a higher quality of woman. You'll likely have your pick of the young, naive and insecure types also, but you'll have a better shot with girls who have depth and who aren't like, clout chasers.
It probably helped that I've played in bands all my life and directed a little film in my 20s. But that's a story for another time.
Last edited:
Peltz
Registered User
- Oct 4, 2019
- 3,742
- 5,242
Ask yourself man. What’s the worst that can happen if you talk to a girl. They tell you to f*** off? Don’t get me wrong Ik it’s not easy but you have to consider that. A wing would definitely help! Or a few drinks in ya
I should start a service where dudes send me their photos and interests and then I create their dating profile and handle initial communications for them (with ladies... duh). When it's time for the handoff you have a conversation history to look back on to bring you up to speed.
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New York RKY
Let's Go Rangers!
That was my startup; I sold it. Moving on to niche markets like HF's hopeless romantics.
Thirty One
Safe is safe.
- Dec 28, 2003
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Modernized for the tinder generation. Pitch the reboot to the studios. They love reboots.
romba
Registered User
Old post, but I saw it quoted and I'll jump in.
It's definitely luck. I've been on 100 first dates, I'm sure. Some just didn't click and went nowhere. Some were one night stands, but obviously, at least one of us, didn't have an interest in a second get together. Some ended up in a handful of dates but fizzled because the chemistry wasn't there. Some ended up with a week, or month, or 3 months of hooking up but not getting serious. Some turned into relationships, which lasted anywhere from a few months to several years. There wasn't anything I felt I did right or wrong that led to any of those outcomes. In some (many) cases, I (or both of us) only wanted to hookup or have a physical fling. In some I (or both of us) just didn't seem to click and want to go beyond a first or second date. The only time I've ever felt I'd done something wrong has been when a long term relationship has ended, and it's what we all go through - both partners have likely done things differently than they'd have liked if they could have a re-do but you've reached the point of moving on and you take your regrets and lessons learned and do so.
Confidence, to me, just isn't what movies and books and coaches make it out to be. It's not about being smooth, or forward. It's not bravado or an act. That's not real confidence; confidence should be short for SELF confidence, which to me is being confident or, rather, secure and comfortable in YOURSELF. Comfortable to be who you are.
My fiance and I first met up at a bar for a drink. Blind date scenario, knew very little about each other besides maybe one or two talking points. I got their first, 20 minutes early and ordered a drink. I chatted with the bartender - I want to say it was Veteran's Day, I'd just separated from the Air Force and he was wearing a Grunt Style t-shirt so I asked if he was a fellow vet, etc. He gave me a shot of some terrible peanut butter whiskey. This ended up being a great idea because at least once during the date he offered us both another free shot, which probably made me look real cool
She walked in and sheepishly approached to confirm that I was Matt and I stood up to greet her, because that's what a guy should do. We exchanged a very awkward, very light, quick hug and sat at the bar. Conversation was just as awkward and bumbling in the beginning as any of you would experience; no secrets, no trick for confidence or right thing to say. Just exploring interests, grasping for something to start a more earnest conversation about. I don't know how many times I laughed at myself and said "well, I'm a huge nerd, so..."
What's your favorite movie? "Well, I'm a huge nerd so... I LOVE Lord of the Rings... and Harry Potter... but I guess I also love Inglorious Basterds?"
Oh! I love Lord of the Rings, did you read it or just the movies?
"Come on, I just said I'm a huge nerd, of course I read it, and re-read it, and re-watch it like 3x a year"
"I rewatch it like every 6 months!"
Blah, blah, blah. Same exact conversation. So what about Game of Thrones? Read it, love it. Are you excited for the new show coming out? The Witcher? Turns out she read it all, in the original Polish. Oh wow, that's so cool didn't realize the author was Polish. I'll have to try reading it. How about sports? Not really into sports. Well, that's okay... I'm a huge nerd about hockey, so maybe I'll have to take you to a Rangers game.
A few drinks, lots of impassioned conversations about our favorite character or book or this or that. Lots of laughs. A couple of hours go by, she says it's getting late and she should get going before she has any more to drink. I agree, we both agree we had fun and should get together again. I walk her to her car and go for the kiss. Yes, it's awkward. She seems surprised. I think we even have a little laugh about the awkwardness of the moment, but then we kiss again, much better and depart. I texted her 30 minutes later that I had a good time. We had a second date a couple of days later, this time with an activity involved because two dates of just talking is a lot in the beginning, so bowling and laughing at each other kept it exciting.
Don't be nervous about getting back out there. Don't be Fonzie. Don't be aloof. Own who you are. Everything about my first date with my now fiance was about owning who I am and being totally honest about it. I didn't gloss over the fact that I love Lord of the Rings because it's nerdy or uncool. I proclaimed that I could quote the entire trilogy line by line and explain the Silmarilion. If she hadn't been into it, I may have reeled it in a little and not devoted as much time to discussing just how much I love it, but I'd have still owned it. The only thing that took actual "confidence" in the stereotypical sense - more like courage - was going for the kiss at the end, and yes, I think that she appreciated the confidence to do that and not meekly say goodnight (and this depends on your read of the date - it had went really well, I didn't think there was much chance of her rejecting a kiss).
Edit (bolded the important): also be self effacing to a degree. It’s better than talking about yourself too much. Wow, that long in the military… are you some kind of badass? Oh, haha, no I was more of a glorified security guard you could say. She didn’t need to know that I was in a special operations unit or SWAT right then and there and seizing upon the first opportunity to start listing my accomplishments would have been poor form. And civilians don’t fully speak military language so I’d have either been over explaining or losing her in the weeds. The same can be true if you’re an accountant, a chiropractor, whatever. A little self effacing comment and redirecting the conversation back to something more light hearted and mutually interesting goes a long way. You can go into greater depth on a future date, once you land one.
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mahman! that's how it's done!
A truer meme there is not.
Machinehead
HFNYR MVP
First, thanks for the work you've done in this thread. You've been a real help.Old post, but I saw it quoted and I'll jump in.
It's definitely luck. I've been on 100 first dates, I'm sure. Some just didn't click and went nowhere. Some were one night stands, but obviously, at least one of us, didn't have an interest in a second get together. Some ended up in a handful of dates but fizzled because the chemistry wasn't there. Some ended up with a week, or month, or 3 months of hooking up but not getting serious. Some turned into relationships, which lasted anywhere from a few months to several years. There wasn't anything I felt I did right or wrong that led to any of those outcomes. In some (many) cases, I (or both of us) only wanted to hookup or have a physical fling. In some I (or both of us) just didn't seem to click and want to go beyond a first or second date. The only time I've ever felt I'd done something wrong has been when a long term relationship has ended, and it's what we all go through - both partners have likely done things differently than they'd have liked if they could have a re-do but you've reached the point of moving on and you take your regrets and lessons learned and do so.
Confidence, to me, just isn't what movies and books and coaches make it out to be. It's not about being smooth, or forward. It's not bravado or an act. That's not real confidence; confidence should be short for SELF confidence, which to me is being confident or, rather, secure and comfortable in YOURSELF. Comfortable to be who you are.
My fiance and I first met up at a bar for a drink. Blind date scenario, knew very little about each other besides maybe one or two talking points. I got their first, 20 minutes early and ordered a drink. I chatted with the bartender - I want to say it was Veteran's Day, I'd just separated from the Air Force and he was wearing a Grunt Style t-shirt so I asked if he was a fellow vet, etc. He gave me a shot of some terrible peanut butter whiskey. This ended up being a great idea because at least once during the date he offered us both another free shot, which probably made me look real cool
She walked in and sheepishly approached to confirm that I was Matt and I stood up to greet her, because that's what a guy should do. We exchanged a very awkward, very light, quick hug and sat at the bar. Conversation was just as awkward and bumbling in the beginning as any of you would experience; no secrets, no trick for confidence or right thing to say. Just exploring interests, grasping for something to start a more earnest conversation about. I don't know how many times I laughed at myself and said "well, I'm a huge nerd, so..."
What's your favorite movie? "Well, I'm a huge nerd so... I LOVE Lord of the Rings... and Harry Potter... but I guess I also love Inglorious Basterds?"
Oh! I love Lord of the Rings, did you read it or just the movies?
"Come on, I just said I'm a huge nerd, of course I read it, and re-read it, and re-watch it like 3x a year"
"I rewatch it like every 6 months!"
Blah, blah, blah. Same exact conversation. So what about Game of Thrones? Read it, love it. Are you excited for the new show coming out? The Witcher? Turns out she read it all, in the original Polish. Oh wow, that's so cool didn't realize the author was Polish. I'll have to try reading it. How about sports? Not really into sports. Well, that's okay... I'm a huge nerd about hockey, so maybe I'll have to take you to a Rangers game.
A few drinks, lots of impassioned conversations about our favorite character or book or this or that. Lots of laughs. A couple of hours go by, she says it's getting late and she should get going before she has any more to drink. I agree, we both agree we had fun and should get together again. I walk her to her car and go for the kiss. Yes, it's awkward. She seems surprised. I think we even have a little laugh about the awkwardness of the moment, but then we kiss again, much better and depart. I texted her 30 minutes later that I had a good time. We had a second date a couple of days later, this time with an activity involved because two dates of just talking is a lot in the beginning, so bowling and laughing at each other kept it exciting.
Don't be nervous about getting back out there. Don't be Fonzie. Don't be aloof. Own who you are. Everything about my first date with my now fiance was about owning who I am and being totally honest about it. I didn't gloss over the fact that I love Lord of the Rings because it's nerdy or uncool. I proclaimed that I could quote the entire trilogy line by line and explain the Silmarilion. If she hadn't been into it, I may have reeled it in a little and not devoted as much time to discussing just how much I love it, but I'd have still owned it. The only thing that took actual "confidence" in the stereotypical sense - more like courage - was going for the kiss at the end, and yes, I think that she appreciated the confidence to do that and not meekly say goodnight (and this depends on your read of the date - it had went really well, I didn't think there was much chance of her rejecting a kiss).
I'm so glad you mentioned the nerd thing. I ranted at my poor father last night for an hour about the band Dream Theater because I noticed something cool about one of their 24-minute songs. Afterwards, I thought to myself "man, what a nerd!" but I didn't feel bad because the album is dope and my observation was clever. (Maybe I'm on the right track!)
I will absolutely second the goodnight kiss thing! That's from experience. I've blown many dates that could have been more because I chickened out and didn't "seal the deal" physically. Now don't get me wrong, you definitely wanna be a gentleman and definitely NOT a creep, but you'll know when it's ok to advance. It's still scary and you gotta bite the bullet. That's one thing I would "change" but at the same time, it's the past. I prefer to think of it as working on it in the future.
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