f*** it. I'll post it here too. Come on dooooown artemi! Were oh so happy to sign you to a cap crippling long term contract that far exceeds what you'll be worth. All while we film you in cringy vignettes where you talk in a monotone voice about how you always wanted to play here in DA GAWDEN. In the next 3 years, we anticipate you joining our hall of paid alongside the likes of
Chris Drury
Scott Gomez
Brad Richards
Wade Redden
Bobby Holik
Rick Nash.
Marc Staal
Dan Girardi
Dan Boyle
Special mention goes to Martin st louis who we paid a ton for in draft capital (while negotiating against ourselves) only to watch him go from an art ross candidate in Tampa to a (laughably immediate) post trade, 20+ game goal draught. Followed up by two lackluster seasons where he seemed to only show up in blowouts.
You see, we here at Da GAWDEN love taking on guys who will almost assuredly become bloated, disgustingly overpaid and under producing wastes of cap, so really you're timing couldnt be any better. Thank you for choosing the New York Rangers and DA GAWDEN for what were sure will be a shockingly quick spiral into old age and unproductiveness.
Now would you like our 12 year 225 million dollar contract with a NMC or just a limited NTC? 15 years you say? Oh. Oh I'm sorry, we here at DA GAWDEN get a little overzealous when trying to hand out cap crippling contracts. We forgot you can only get up to 7 years.
12 million per, you say?
Why that's money the likes of crosby or McDavid should make...a player who dominates games in every facet at a more important position, plays better D and scores more than you to boot...
So naturally we'll give you all that.
Welcome aboard, bread man!
(Fun aside I hope he becomes the rare player to make it to his mid 30s playing at an elite level)