NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot - Discussion / Draft Thread - PHASE FOURTEEN! Part One!
- Thread starter Captain Dave Poulin
- Start date
mja
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
mja
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
I'm being spiteful. Spittle is flying from my mouth as I type this, that's how full of spite I am. I am spite deficient no longer.
GKJ
Global Moderator
- Feb 27, 2002
- 193,533
- 43,760
Tom DeLonge of blink 182. If only for All the Small Things and then getting really weird.
mja
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
I just think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part, is all.
I already have Bloom County, so this pick is probably unnecessary, but I am going to make it anyway. Rather than try to strain my poor memory for details, here is a liberal helping of the Wikipedia page which details the qualifications of my Team Lawyer.
"Most residents of Bloom County, especially women, either despised him or indifferently tolerated his presence. The one exception was Opus the Penguin, who idolized him and tagged along with him like a younger brother. Steve often used Opus' hero worship to manipulate the hapless penguin into doing his dirty work (although occasionally Steve was heard to have threatened Opus into helping him instead).
"As a lawyer, Steve took on hopeless cases defending psychotic and obviously guilty criminals and murderers, much to the chagrin of his overbearing mother. On one occasion, he did win a case (his client had allegedly murdered her husband with an axe), but only because the jury cared more about what the woman wore than whether or not she was innocent (at one point, she found a plastic picnic knife and supposedly tried to make a fillet out of a CNN cameraman). A bachelor throughout the entire run of the strip, he was the most aggressive womanizer and most blatant male chauvinist of all the eligible males in the cartoon.
"Outside of the courts, Steve's professionalism was questionable. In one instance he attempts to collect from a past due client by saying 'Attention criminal pervert, where the hell is my dough, you twisted goon?' Opus, however, who at the time is working as a paralegal, writes in the actual letter 'We still await payment of your legal fee.'
"He was briefly the manager of Billy and the Boingers, a Def Leppard-esque glam metal band consisting of Opus, Bill the Cat, and Hodge-Podge.
"Steve briefly became a different person shortly after he was abducted by aliens. On board their spaceship, the aliens had originally planned to transplant Elvis Presley's brain into Steve's head. However, after Steve threatened the aliens with a lawsuit, they decided to perform the 'Gephardtization' process on him instead, which was the same procedure used previously on then-U.S. House Majority Leader Dick Gephardt to completely reverse opinions and attitudes. After being presumed dead by the residents of Bloom County, Steve was zapped back to earth a few days later. To the whole county's amazement, he was now a sensitive, caring liberal and feminist. He stopped wearing his trademark sunglasses, quit smoking, got a perm (thinking it made him look like Alan Alda), and canvassed for Jesse Jackson's 1988 Presidential campaign.
"This carried on for about a year, until Steve found out that his girlfriend Gladys was cheating on him with the bassist for 'Guns 'n Spittle' and Opus had been using his toothbrush to comb his nose hair. Devastated, he resolved to forever avenge feminine betrayal, and by doing so, he put his trademark sunglasses back on. He immediately returned to his old, cantankerous self."
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Team Lawyer - Steve Dallas
@ajgoal
"Most residents of Bloom County, especially women, either despised him or indifferently tolerated his presence. The one exception was Opus the Penguin, who idolized him and tagged along with him like a younger brother. Steve often used Opus' hero worship to manipulate the hapless penguin into doing his dirty work (although occasionally Steve was heard to have threatened Opus into helping him instead).
"As a lawyer, Steve took on hopeless cases defending psychotic and obviously guilty criminals and murderers, much to the chagrin of his overbearing mother. On one occasion, he did win a case (his client had allegedly murdered her husband with an axe), but only because the jury cared more about what the woman wore than whether or not she was innocent (at one point, she found a plastic picnic knife and supposedly tried to make a fillet out of a CNN cameraman). A bachelor throughout the entire run of the strip, he was the most aggressive womanizer and most blatant male chauvinist of all the eligible males in the cartoon.
"Outside of the courts, Steve's professionalism was questionable. In one instance he attempts to collect from a past due client by saying 'Attention criminal pervert, where the hell is my dough, you twisted goon?' Opus, however, who at the time is working as a paralegal, writes in the actual letter 'We still await payment of your legal fee.'
"He was briefly the manager of Billy and the Boingers, a Def Leppard-esque glam metal band consisting of Opus, Bill the Cat, and Hodge-Podge.
"Steve briefly became a different person shortly after he was abducted by aliens. On board their spaceship, the aliens had originally planned to transplant Elvis Presley's brain into Steve's head. However, after Steve threatened the aliens with a lawsuit, they decided to perform the 'Gephardtization' process on him instead, which was the same procedure used previously on then-U.S. House Majority Leader Dick Gephardt to completely reverse opinions and attitudes. After being presumed dead by the residents of Bloom County, Steve was zapped back to earth a few days later. To the whole county's amazement, he was now a sensitive, caring liberal and feminist. He stopped wearing his trademark sunglasses, quit smoking, got a perm (thinking it made him look like Alan Alda), and canvassed for Jesse Jackson's 1988 Presidential campaign.
"This carried on for about a year, until Steve found out that his girlfriend Gladys was cheating on him with the bassist for 'Guns 'n Spittle' and Opus had been using his toothbrush to comb his nose hair. Devastated, he resolved to forever avenge feminine betrayal, and by doing so, he put his trademark sunglasses back on. He immediately returned to his old, cantankerous self."
Team Lawyer - Steve Dallas
@ajgoal
- Sep 28, 2014
- 78,153
- 125,692
God that f***ing song sucks so bad on an otherwise classic pop-punk album.
It wasn't futile - we reached an agreement (even if the sheet wasn't updated to reflect that).
Fine, I'll take quiet too!
Hurricane28
Angry Flyers STH/Weather Guy
Asnito
Blood Rival to a Briere Simp
- Mar 2, 2017
- 6,965
- 15,604
If HC is Marx does that make you Lenin?
Asnito
Blood Rival to a Briere Simp
- Mar 2, 2017
- 6,965
- 15,604
Are you going to lock me in the airlock if I go?
Asnito
Blood Rival to a Briere Simp
- Mar 2, 2017
- 6,965
- 15,604
Lord Defect
Secretary of Blowtorching
- Nov 13, 2013
- 18,935
- 35,028
I don't know what you think you are saying by hijacking my move, but that motherf***er Kip Winger is about four feet tall.
Lord Defect
Secretary of Blowtorching
- Nov 13, 2013
- 18,935
- 35,028
Oh I thought you meant Asnito.
Asnito
Blood Rival to a Briere Simp
- Mar 2, 2017
- 6,965
- 15,604
You got Defect all excited, Oprah ain't down with that.
Magua
Entirely Palatable Product
The Honolulu Ghibli close things out with our Team Babe........Bella
Yes, my dog. This is the pretty mama (literally) who I want representing our brand. Easy peasy.
Yes, my dog. This is the pretty mama (literally) who I want representing our brand. Easy peasy.
Chuck Downie
Cheese and olive
Oh boy.
Guess what I did? When using cut and paste in making the new chart (NERD!) for the Supergroup 2 selections, I somehow f***ing erased the chart for the Spite Supergroups and didn't notice it until this morning, i.e. after I had already turned off my computer for the night and destroyed any ability to go back and undo it. El oh el zee.
Anyway, we only have two selections left in this phase. @Hollywood Couturier has to pick a fictional owner for pit, and @Chuck Downie has to pick a crushing sports moment, which I anticipate involving some literal crushing. That's the good news. The bad news is that I have to comb this f***ing thread for names and fill in all those boxes again. BITCH.
It's not a big deal, but it is going to delay the launching of PHASE 15! a little, so keep your powder dry for the foreseeable. I'll keep you updated.
Guess what I did? When using cut and paste in making the new chart (NERD!) for the Supergroup 2 selections, I somehow f***ing erased the chart for the Spite Supergroups and didn't notice it until this morning, i.e. after I had already turned off my computer for the night and destroyed any ability to go back and undo it. El oh el zee.
Anyway, we only have two selections left in this phase. @Hollywood Couturier has to pick a fictional owner for pit, and @Chuck Downie has to pick a crushing sports moment, which I anticipate involving some literal crushing. That's the good news. The bad news is that I have to comb this f***ing thread for names and fill in all those boxes again. BITCH.
It's not a big deal, but it is going to delay the launching of PHASE 15! a little, so keep your powder dry for the foreseeable. I'll keep you updated.
Hollywood Cannon
I'm Away From My Desk
