NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot - Discussion / Draft Thread - PHASE FOURTEEN! Part One!

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mja

Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt
Jan 7, 2005
12,733
29,423
Lucy the Elephant's Belly
What the f*** exactly do you have to protest about? Your pick was a clear duplicate. Your pick didn't make any f***ing sense, and neither does this protest. @pit at least had a basis for his protest, as futile as it was.

I'm being spiteful. Spittle is flying from my mouth as I type this, that's how full of spite I am. I am spite deficient no longer.
 

Captain Dave Poulin

Imaginary Cat
Sponsor
Apr 30, 2015
68,576
201,323
Tokyo, JP
I already have Bloom County, so this pick is probably unnecessary, but I am going to make it anyway. Rather than try to strain my poor memory for details, here is a liberal helping of the Wikipedia page which details the qualifications of my Team Lawyer.

"Most residents of Bloom County, especially women, either despised him or indifferently tolerated his presence. The one exception was Opus the Penguin, who idolized him and tagged along with him like a younger brother. Steve often used Opus' hero worship to manipulate the hapless penguin into doing his dirty work (although occasionally Steve was heard to have threatened Opus into helping him instead).

"As a lawyer, Steve took on hopeless cases defending psychotic and obviously guilty criminals and murderers, much to the chagrin of his overbearing mother. On one occasion, he did win a case (his client had allegedly murdered her husband with an axe), but only because the jury cared more about what the woman wore than whether or not she was innocent (at one point, she found a plastic picnic knife and supposedly tried to make a fillet out of a CNN cameraman). A bachelor throughout the entire run of the strip, he was the most aggressive womanizer and most blatant male chauvinist of all the eligible males in the cartoon.

"Outside of the courts, Steve's professionalism was questionable. In one instance he attempts to collect from a past due client by saying 'Attention criminal pervert, where the hell is my dough, you twisted goon?' Opus, however, who at the time is working as a paralegal, writes in the actual letter 'We still await payment of your legal fee.'

"He was briefly the manager of Billy and the Boingers, a Def Leppard-esque glam metal band consisting of Opus, Bill the Cat, and Hodge-Podge.

"Steve briefly became a different person shortly after he was abducted by aliens. On board their spaceship, the aliens had originally planned to transplant Elvis Presley's brain into Steve's head. However, after Steve threatened the aliens with a lawsuit, they decided to perform the 'Gephardtization' process on him instead, which was the same procedure used previously on then-U.S. House Majority Leader Dick Gephardt to completely reverse opinions and attitudes. After being presumed dead by the residents of Bloom County, Steve was zapped back to earth a few days later. To the whole county's amazement, he was now a sensitive, caring liberal and feminist. He stopped wearing his trademark sunglasses, quit smoking, got a perm (thinking it made him look like Alan Alda), and canvassed for Jesse Jackson's 1988 Presidential campaign.

"This carried on for about a year, until Steve found out that his girlfriend Gladys was cheating on him with the bassist for 'Guns 'n Spittle' and Opus had been using his toothbrush to comb his nose hair. Devastated, he resolved to forever avenge feminine betrayal, and by doing so, he put his trademark sunglasses back on. He immediately returned to his old, cantankerous self."

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Team Lawyer - Steve Dallas

@ajgoal
 

pit

5th Most Improved Poster
Jun 25, 2005
5,145
20,920
Toronto
What the f*** exactly do you have to protest about? Your pick was a clear duplicate. Your pick didn't make any f***ing sense, and neither does this protest. @pit at least had a basis for his protest, as futile as it was.

It wasn't futile - we reached an agreement (even if the sheet wasn't updated to reflect that).

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Fine, I'll take quiet too!
 

Captain Dave Poulin

Imaginary Cat
Sponsor
Apr 30, 2015
68,576
201,323
Tokyo, JP
Oh boy.

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Guess what I did? When using cut and paste in making the new chart (NERD!) for the Supergroup 2 selections, I somehow f***ing erased the chart for the Spite Supergroups and didn't notice it until this morning, i.e. after I had already turned off my computer for the night and destroyed any ability to go back and undo it. El oh el zee.

oRyuLxy.gif


Anyway, we only have two selections left in this phase. @Hollywood Couturier has to pick a fictional owner for pit, and @Chuck Downie has to pick a crushing sports moment, which I anticipate involving some literal crushing. That's the good news. The bad news is that I have to comb this f***ing thread for names and fill in all those boxes again. BITCH.

It's not a big deal, but it is going to delay the launching of PHASE 15! a little, so keep your powder dry for the foreseeable. I'll keep you updated.
 

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