I already have Bloom County, so this pick is probably unnecessary, but I am going to make it anyway. Rather than try to strain my poor memory for details, here is a liberal helping of the Wikipedia page which details the qualifications of my Team Lawyer.
"Most residents of Bloom County, especially women, either despised him or indifferently tolerated his presence. The one exception was Opus the Penguin, who idolized him and tagged along with him like a younger brother. Steve often used Opus' hero worship to manipulate the hapless penguin into doing his dirty work (although occasionally Steve was heard to have threatened Opus into helping him instead).
"As a lawyer, Steve took on hopeless cases defending psychotic and obviously guilty criminals and murderers, much to the chagrin of his overbearing mother. On one occasion, he did win a case (his client had allegedly murdered her husband with an axe), but only because the jury cared more about what the woman wore than whether or not she was innocent (at one point, she found a plastic picnic knife and supposedly tried to make a fillet out of a CNN cameraman). A bachelor throughout the entire run of the strip, he was the most aggressive womanizer and most blatant male chauvinist of all the eligible males in the cartoon.
"Outside of the courts, Steve's professionalism was questionable. In one instance he attempts to collect from a past due client by saying 'Attention criminal pervert, where the hell is my dough, you twisted goon?' Opus, however, who at the time is working as a paralegal, writes in the actual letter 'We still await payment of your legal fee.'
"He was briefly the manager of Billy and the Boingers, a Def Leppard-esque glam metal band consisting of Opus, Bill the Cat, and Hodge-Podge.
"Steve briefly became a different person shortly after he was abducted by aliens. On board their spaceship, the aliens had originally planned to transplant Elvis Presley's brain into Steve's head. However, after Steve threatened the aliens with a lawsuit, they decided to perform the 'Gephardtization' process on him instead, which was the same procedure used previously on then-U.S. House Majority Leader Dick Gephardt to completely reverse opinions and attitudes. After being presumed dead by the residents of Bloom County, Steve was zapped back to earth a few days later. To the whole county's amazement, he was now a sensitive, caring liberal and feminist. He stopped wearing his trademark sunglasses, quit smoking, got a perm (thinking it made him look like Alan Alda), and canvassed for Jesse Jackson's 1988 Presidential campaign.
"This carried on for about a year, until Steve found out that his girlfriend Gladys was cheating on him with the bassist for 'Guns 'n Spittle' and Opus had been using his toothbrush to comb his nose hair. Devastated, he resolved to forever avenge feminine betrayal, and by doing so, he put his trademark sunglasses back on. He immediately returned to his old, cantankerous self."
Team Lawyer - Steve Dallas
@ajgoal