Minor hockey tryouts (was: How to motivate a novice (or any) player for tryouts?)

[oldunclehue]

Because everyone is an expert on everything: epidemics, inflation, wildfires. The phrase "critical thinking" now means "I have an opinion and I should criticize the guy doing the thing." I suppose this board would be quieter if people only spoke up about things they had actual knowledge about, but people really need to shut up and let the guy they asked to do the thing actually do the thing they asked him to do.

Everyone believes they are entitled to what they want and want right now.

This will be my last year coaching EVER. I'm so done with parents....every single year since U7 hockey, the same parents cause the same drama over entitlement. My oldest son will give AAA a try next year, if he doesn't make it, he will enjoy high school hockey and move on with life after high school. Hockey Canada has dropped the ball with all its woke ideology and its showing more every single year.

 

[Slats432]

Everyone believes they are entitled to what they want and want right now.

This will be my last year coaching EVER. I'm so done with parents....every single year since U7 hockey, the same parents cause the same drama over entitlement. My oldest son will give AAA a try next year, if he doesn't make it, he will enjoy high school hockey and move on with life after high school. Hockey Canada has dropped the ball with all its woke ideology and its showing more every single year.

Interesting. I have had great parents for the last several years. The odd hockey crazy one, but that is to be expected.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Because everyone is an expert on everything: epidemics, inflation, wildfires. The phrase "critical thinking" now means "I have an opinion and I should criticize the guy doing the thing." I suppose this board would be quieter if people only spoke up about things they had actual knowledge about, but people really need to shut up and let the guy they asked to do the thing actually do the thing they asked him to do.

It's a tough balance, because I've definitely heard from coaches "I won't talk to parents".

I feel like that's the wrong message. In particular for me, if it's a player safety issue, you damn well better believe I'm going to say something to a coach.

It also depends a little bit because parents can be paying so much money. Because at a certain point if I'm shelling out tens of thousands of dollars I'd want to see my kid play. (of course - I don't pay that kind of money)

That being said though - short of player safety I don't say "boo" to a coach other than "hi". I don't think complaining to a coach (or to a ref for that matter) would make any difference, and would only make things worse for my kid.

(other than player safety)

 

[Yukon Joe]

So my middle son is trying out for a spring team. I've kind of soured on spring hockey, but his older brother played for this team so he wants to as well.

I've been to the tryouts (heck I helped man the bench). My son plays Tier 2, but I thought he more than held his own against even AA players.

But I had the owner of the team (although apparently not the person selecting it) ask "so why did he tier so low"?

That's going to decide it, isn't it. Short of being an absolute superstar out there, they're going to take a AA or Tier 1 player over him, because that's the "safer" way to go.

So...

Middle kid as not offered a spot.

Older kid (who wasn't event trying out) was asked to play. He was offered to just pay for tournament fees "and you can come out to the practices if you want to". We agreed, but I suspect that rubbed middle kid the wrong way.

We hear about a different team that is having a tryout. $25. We've been here before with older kid - they're probably just trying to get enough players to fill out the tryout. Whatever - $25 for an hour's ice time (actually 90 minutes) isn't bad.

I show up. Sure seems like most of the kids know each other. It's a winter team (HSL) looking to fill out a spring roster. That's how it goes.

Middle kid kills it.

Coaches are asking him "who do you play with?" because they don't know him. They tell parents afterwards "so lots of tough decisions - we'll let you know in 4-5 days".

Middle kid is sent an email in the morning asking him to play.

I'm just so happy for him.

Now look - this might be a terrible team. It might wind up being a terrible waste of money. But right now, there were 40+ kids out there and my kid was so good out there, I'm just happy for him. He is not given to big emotions, but I could tell he felt good.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

This group sounds like there should be a documentary, hopefully not a Dateline murder, just crazy hockey parents. Good to see things aren't changing anytime soon. I was never kicked out because another parent was, but have seen a few and had the RCMP/Police called to remove parents. Yeh, the sleeping around seemed to be common, wasn't limited to the just a fellow parent but a coach, manager or club exec

I’ve seen a ridiculous amount of stupid shit from parents since my daughter started playing, but this year is on a different level.

I feel like one mom slamming another’s head into the sink, and then all of us being thrown out of the rink is pretty bad, even for hockey parents.

I’ve never had the police come to any game I was at, but it got close several times.

Why were the police called when you were there? Fights?

 

[timekeep]

I’ve seen a ridiculous amount of stupid shit from parents since my daughter started playing, but this year is on a different level.

I feel like one mom slamming another’s head into the sink, and then all of us being thrown out of the rink is pretty bad, even for hockey parents.

I’ve never had the police come to any game I was at, but it got close several times.

Why were the police called when you were there? Fights?

Being a former official in the 80s, I leave them alone. But once in peewee we were at our local rival and the referring was brutal and one sided. We had a mother that let the refs know about it, she was kicked out but watched from a little window in the lobby. The RCMP were called to remove her. Had a parent assault a coach because his kid wasn't played much, we had another one where a few parents were letting the refs know how bad they were.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

Being a former official in the 80s, I leave them alone. But once in peewee we were at our local rival and the referring was brutal and one sided. We had a mother that let the refs know about it, she was kicked out but watched from a little window in the lobby. The RCMP were called to remove her. Had a parent assault a coach because his kid wasn't played much, we had another one where a few parents were letting the refs know how bad they were.

Nothing too crazy then… or really that I haven’t witnessed myself as well.

So many parents are just f***ing nuts and have no impulse control - and think little Johnny is the greatest - which is why these kids are so entitled.

Last season was my daughter’s first time playing AA, and the coach stuck her on the third line with two coal miners.

She felt like it was because she was the only girl and I wouldn’t let her use that as an excuse.

She carried her line which she dubbed the “misfits” and did her best, but they rarely got her the puck and it was frustrating as hell to watch.

No matter what she did, this coach glued her to line three and she never got to play with the skilled kids, save a random shift here or there.

Like any parent I was getting really annoyed, but the difference is I kept my mouth shut and told my daughter to keep working hard all season.

She worked her ass off all off season as well and a new coach was hired this summer, and he put my daughter on the top line after about a month.

She’s now playing with two 50+ goal scorers and having the most fun she’s ever had playing hockey.

That’s how it should work IMHO.

Keep your mouth shut and let your kid earn it and find his/her way without mommy or daddy threatening the coach.

You are going to have asshole coaches at times, or maybe your kid just isn’t as good as you think, but artificially trying to force them into a better role because you “say so” is a shitty life lesson to teach them.

 

[Yukon Joe]

You are going to have asshole coaches at times, or maybe your kid just isn’t as good as you think, but artificially trying to force them into a better role because you “say so” is a shitty life lesson to teach them.

So look - if you genuinely, 100% think your kid can make the NHL and earn millions of dollars - I guess being a crazy hockey parent might be worthwhile.

But for 99.99% of us - hockey is all about life lessons. Any time my kid has had an issue with a coach my only response has been "well you need to go talk to your coach about this". I would never dream of trying to talk to a coach about playing time, or linemates, or whatever.

Hell - even when I am one of the coaches - if I have an issue with my kid I'll ask one of the other coaches to say something instead of me.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

So look - if you genuinely, 100% think your kid can make the NHL and earn millions of dollars - I guess being a crazy hockey parent might be worthwhile.

But for 99.99% of us - hockey is all about life lessons. Any time my kid has had an issue with a coach my only response has been "well you need to go talk to your coach about this". I would never dream of trying to talk to a coach about playing time, or linemates, or whatever.

Hell - even when I am one of the coaches - if I have an issue with my kid I'll ask one of the other coaches to say something instead of me.

So many parents are delusional that’s the thing -

We have a major d-bag dad on my daughter’s team who thinks his kid is the shit.

He literally thinks his kid is better than this insanely talented AAA kid, who got a spot over his boy on the middle school team.

So this dad wrote a scathing note to the coach of the middle school coach telling him how wonderful his kid is and how he messed up cutting him etc etc.

No joke.

And his son, Johnny, picks up this attitude and thinks he’s some star.

He even told the legit superstar kid on my daughter’s team, Joe, he’s better than him.

Joe is on pace for over 100 goals and made the all-star game - but this Johnny kid thinks he’s better than him because his daddy says so.

When Joe won his first player of the week award, Johnny went around telling his teammates that Joe’s dad paid people off so Joe would win the award.

You can’t make this shit up.

It’s what I deal with all the time with the parents I’ve been around.

 

[Minnesota Knudsens]

So many parents are delusional that’s the thing -

We have a major d-bag dad on my daughter’s team who thinks his kid is the shit.

He literally thinks his kid is better than this insanely talented AAA kid, who got a spot over his boy on the middle school team.

So this dad wrote a scathing note to the coach of the middle school coach telling him how wonderful his kid is and how he messed up cutting him etc etc.

No joke.

And his son, Johnny, picks up this attitude and thinks he’s some star.

He even told the legit superstar kid on my daughter’s team, Joe, he’s better than him.

Joe is on pace for over 100 goals and made the all-star game - but this Johnny kid thinks he’s better than him because his daddy says so.

When Joe won his first player of the week award, Johnny went around telling his teammates that Joe’s dad paid people off so Joe would win the award.

You can’t make this shit up.

It’s what I deal with all the time with the parents I’ve been around.

This is pretty tame compared to what you’re describing, but I find some of the parents’ yelling a bit obnoxious and embarrassing at times. I especially don’t care for it when it’s constant negativity or screaming at referees.

I don’t mind if you want to talk about something your own kid is doing wrong, but some of the moms on our team will complain loudly about other kids on the ice right in front of their parents. There is zero need for that.

Our game on Saturday, my son scored to make the game 1-0, and a group of moms did some crazy classless chant about the town we were playing. Then they went on to smoke us 5-1. It was all so bad.

The dads are just engaging in a lot of vicarious living. I get that. I do that too to some extent. But some of these dudes just won’t shut up about how amazing their kids are. They are so ridiculously emotionally invested in a bunch of 13 year olds, to the point where it begins to seem weird.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

This is pretty tame compared to what you’re describing, but I find some of the parents’ yelling a bit obnoxious and embarrassing at times. I especially don’t care for it when it’s constant negativity or screaming at referees.

I don’t mind if you want to talk about something your own kid is doing wrong, but some of the moms on our team will complain loudly about other kids on the ice right in front of their parents. There is zero need for that.

Our game on Saturday, my son scored to make the game 1-0, and a group of moms did some crazy classless chant about the town we were playing. Then they went on to smoke us 5-1. It was all so bad.

The dads are just engaging in a lot of vicarious living. I get that. I do that too to some extent. But some of these dudes just won’t shut up about how amazing their kids are. They are so ridiculously emotionally invested in a bunch of 13 year olds, to the point where it begins to seem weird.

The bolded is a massive pet peeve of mine.

It takes a lot of balls to criticize someone else’s kids while the parents are right there.

When my daughter played squirt this one dad would yell at my daughter from the stands when she made a mistake.

I kept my cool until one game when I had enough and my wife noticed me about to blow and she beat me to the punch and told this moron to worry about his own kid.

Brutal.

As far as being emotionally invested, I do get it.

We pay over 10k a season for my daughter to play, I also train her and have been teaching her to skate/play the game since she was four.

I see first hand how hard she works away from the rink and want her to be rewarded for her dedication.

But that again doesn’t entitle me to act like a fool in the stands, yell at the refs, the other team, other parents, demand things from the coach etc.

I think a lot of these parents crave the status of their kid being the best or one of the best players on the team.

When that doesn’t happen they lash out or create a delusional world where their kid is a big star that’s getting screwed over.

 

[Yukon Joe]

He literally thinks his kid is better than this insanely talented AAA kid, who got a spot over his boy on the middle school team.

So this dad wrote a scathing note to the coach of the middle school coach telling him how wonderful his kid is and how he messed up cutting him etc etc.

So, I was super pissed that A: my kid was cut from the AAA team, and B: he was cut so late in the day he couldn't try out for any other AAA team. Other teams had literally been calling about him, asking if he was available, and from what I could tell he definitely would have made some of the other AAA teams.

But in what possible universe would me writing a "scathing note" have accomplished anything?

So we make the best of playing AA. That's the more important life lesson.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

So, I was super pissed that A: my kid was cut from the AAA team, and B: he was cut so late in the day he couldn't try out for any other AAA team. Other teams had literally been calling about him, asking if he was available, and from what I could tell he definitely would have made some of the other AAA teams.

But in what possible universe would me writing a "scathing note" have accomplished anything?

So we make the best of playing AA. That's the more important life lesson.

Burning bridges is silly because then you get a rep and the hockey world is smaller than most parents realize.

Not sure if you remember the story I talked about last spring of the parents who signed letters of commitment and then backed out for a new team etc etc.

Really shady shit that pissed off the org and many of the parents.

That new team they went to is like 4-40 and getting demolished every game - they are having an abysmal season.

Over the weekend one of the moms texted my wife about coming back to my daughter’s team, and my wife had to tell her that her son isn’t welcome back.

She wasn’t happy to hear that, but there are consequences for burning bridges.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Burning bridges is silly because then you get a rep and the hockey world is smaller than most parents realize.

Not sure if you remember the story I talked about last spring of the parents who signed letters of commitment and then backed out for a new team etc etc.

Really shady shit that pissed off the org and many of the parents.

That new team they went to is like 4-40 and getting demolished every game - they are having an abysmal season.

Over the weekend one of the moms texted my wife about coming back to my daughter’s team, and my wife had to tell her that her son isn’t welcome back.

She wasn’t happy to hear that, but there are consequences for burning bridges.

So I do remember you telling the story.

My only thought is it takes two to burn bridges though. If the kid wants to come back next year - why not let them?

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

So I do remember you telling the story.

My only thought is it takes two to burn bridges though. If the kid wants to come back next year - why not let them?

The rink/org is owned by two gentleman and we have gotten to know one of them well.

He was livid that they lied and signed their commitments, then left, leaving my daughter’s team with their balls in the wind basically.

He’s run the org for 15 years and never had that happen before.

Parents who stayed were livid.

Kids who stayed were angry and felt betrayed (leading to a physical altercation during summer hockey between a kid who left and a current player).

Several close friendships between parents were broken off because of this incident as well.

The bridge wasn’t just set ablaze, it was nuked to hell.

My daughter is moving into girls hockey next season, so any of those kids coming back is a moot point to me.

I got along with those parents who left, and while they did do some shady stuff, if my daughter was staying I honestly wouldn’t care if they came back, but I’m a complete outlier with that opinion.

 

[Slats432]

So I do remember you telling the story.

My only thought is it takes two to burn bridges though. If the kid wants to come back next year - why not let them?

There is something to be said about loyalty. Parents who chase opportunity for their kids won't bat an eye about doing it again. Why should an organization invest time and money into developing a player just to have them give you the middle finger again in the future.

 

[patnyrnyg]

So I do remember you telling the story.

My only thought is it takes two to burn bridges though. If the kid wants to come back next year - why not let them?

Normally I would agree here. We have had kids leave our organization for greener pastures. They would be welcome to come back so long as they didnt leave and bash the organization. A few have been blackballed. However, with Jiggyfly it is different. I wouldn't want those people back nor would I even respond to their email/text/call. Although, here something like that would not happen here. Once you sign the contract, the team has to release you.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

Normally I would agree here. We have had kids leave our organization for greener pastures. They would be welcome to come back so long as they didnt leave and bash the organization. A few have been blackballed. However, with Jiggyfly it is different. I wouldn't want those people back nor would I even respond to their email/text/call. Although, here something like that would not happen here. Once you sign the contract, the team has to release you.

Also keep in mind two other kids left last spring, but they did it the right way (didn’t sign the commitment forms).

So no one in the org has ill feeling towards them, and both kids would be welcome back this spring if they tried out and made it again.

 

[Yukon Joe]

There is something to be said about loyalty. Parents who chase opportunity for their kids won't bat an eye about doing it again. Why should an organization invest time and money into developing a player just to have them give you the middle finger again in the future.

There is a lot to be said about loyalty.

There's also a saying though "don't cut off your nose to spite your face". You shouldn't act out of revenge if it in fact goes against your own good interests.

So I only have a few paragraphs posted by @Mr Jiggyfly. I certainly can't judge what his hockey org should do one way or another.

But there should at least be the thought that, even, if those parents screwed over the club by signing commitment letters and then reneging on them, the wiser thing might be to just let bygones by bygones and let them come back.

So I've dealt with a similar situation - though not to the same number of kids. We've had kids try out, pay their initial fees, go through the whole evaluations process, only to ghost once the team was formed. Presumably they went to a private league. It sucks, and did hamper the team which was now down a body or two from what it should have had.

I just don't know that blackballing the kid and family for the rest of minor hockey is the best response.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

There is a lot to be said about loyalty.

There's also a saying though "don't cut off your nose to spite your face". You shouldn't act out of revenge if it in fact goes against your own good interests.

So I only have a few paragraphs posted by @Mr Jiggyfly. I certainly can't judge what his hockey org should do one way or another.

But there should at least be the thought that, even, if those parents screwed over the club by signing commitment letters and then reneging on them, the wiser thing might be to just let bygones by bygones and let them come back.

So I've dealt with a similar situation - though not to the same number of kids. We've had kids try out, pay their initial fees, go through the whole evaluations process, only to ghost once the team was formed. Presumably they went to a private league. It sucks, and did hamper the team which was now down a body or two from what it should have had.

I just don't know that blackballing the kid and family for the rest of minor hockey is the best response.

I feel like hockey justice/karma whatever you will has been served.

My daughter’s team got a superstar player that joined in the spring and they are doing well, way better than last season.

The team theses kids left for is so f***ing bad… I just checked their Myhockeyrankings and they are 4-39 scored 62 goals and have let up 257.

Their last two games for reference they have lost a combined 14-2.

So karma has hit them hard.

At the end of the day they are just 13 year old kids and I feel badly. The parents were nice IMHO, particularly two of the dads who were drama free like me.

I really liked the two of them.

On the other side of the coin they cost the owners money, they taught their kids to lie and be deceitful, and most families are still angry and find these kids/parents to be people that they can’t trust again.

That can’t be good for team unity, locker room politics, parental politics etc.

 

[Primary Assist]

So...

Middle kid as not offered a spot.

Older kid (who wasn't event trying out) was asked to play. He was offered to just pay for tournament fees "and you can come out to the practices if you want to". We agreed, but I suspect that rubbed middle kid the wrong way.

We hear about a different team that is having a tryout. $25. We've been here before with older kid - they're probably just trying to get enough players to fill out the tryout. Whatever - $25 for an hour's ice time (actually 90 minutes) isn't bad.

I show up. Sure seems like most of the kids know each other. It's a winter team (HSL) looking to fill out a spring roster. That's how it goes.

Middle kid kills it.

Coaches are asking him "who do you play with?" because they don't know him. They tell parents afterwards "so lots of tough decisions - we'll let you know in 4-5 days".

Middle kid is sent an email in the morning asking him to play.

I'm just so happy for him.

Now look - this might be a terrible team. It might wind up being a terrible waste of money. But right now, there were 40+ kids out there and my kid was so good out there, I'm just happy for him. He is not given to big emotions, but I could tell he felt good.

Great story! And an important lesson to your middle child on resilience. Things didn't work out for him at first, but he played his game when given the chance and was given a whole new opportunity he didn't even realize was there at first. Just goes to show that our wonderful game has so many lessons to teach us