You're a gem
@macmaroon I remember what you wrote. You keep your mom's memory alive and well by sharing stories of her. Chin up, good sir. It was a touching read, another great GDT and a very nice hat.
I have my own unique relationship with each of my folks, but I've always been a momma's boy. She's the most selfless person I know. Went above and beyond to make the childhood of my siblings and I a special one.
When we were kids, she used to collect milk cartons for the winter. When it got below freezing outside, she'd fill them with water and put drops of different food colouring in them. Once the water froze, we'd strip off the carton and make a snow fort with all the coloured ice blocks. We used to build it in the front yard because that's the way the kitchen faced (which she hated) and she wanted to keep an eye on us. Once my brother and I began using it as cover to throw snowballs at passing cars, she started building the fort out back
It's been special watching my wife become a mother, seeing the same qualities I love about my mom, in her. If only I could get her to care about the Jets the way my mom does... alas, it's looking grim so far.
I've kept no secrets about my love for the band Protomartyr. Their lead singer, Joey Casey, dealt with the passing of his mother before their most recent album in 2023. Here's an excerpt from an interview he did:
Your mother passed in between the last record and the new one. What's your journey with grief been like?
One of the reasons why Protomartyr started was because my dad died in 2008 and I was like, "Oh shit, I'm not doing anything with my life. Instead of going to a shitty job and doing nothing, I should go to a shitty job and be in a band for fun." My dad dying was really sudden and unexpected, and it changed our family. My mom was obviously dealing with some really heavy grief, and I was living with her, but then she immediately started showing signs of dementia and lessened capacity. Her mom had Alzheimer's, so I was like, "OK, this might be happening."
It was ten years of her slowly getting worse and worse, and my brother moving back from Virginia so she could move into her house and so he could take care of her. He had the heaviest burden and was taking care of her for some time, but I'd come over and help out as well. After dealing with that sudden grief, I'd been grieving my mom for almost a decade. "Why would this happen to somebody?"
Someone dying of dementia or Alzheimer's is a very slow process. You think you see the end in sight, and it gets worse and worse. By the end, it was a combination of being very sad to lose her, but because we'd been grieving her for such a long time, it was also a relief that she was able to die at home with my brother beside her. It was as peaceful of a death as you could hope. It was a weird combination of carrying this grief and depression for ten years, and now that she's gone, she wouldn't want me to be like, "Continue to carry it for the rest of your life." I no longer need to have this grief around me. So it was much different from when my dad died, and I think that led me to thinking a little more positively. I can't just wade around in this pool any longer.
Here's a song he did for her, maybe you'll enjoy it. Either way, it goes out to you and your mom, Mac.
Lyrics:
I'm gonna tell you
This one born upon a kitchen table
When she passed away
Sleeping cross the shoulder of my brother
Can I make you see
The simple beauty in the knowing of her?
If there's good in me
Chant it out to her
She is the author
Sing it fully in the morning
Chant it wildly in the day
Pray to lovers in the evening
Cry it softly in the night
Time's your enemy
Every gift you see will be taken for sure
So I figure while you live
Kiss the ones that love you
For thе song you sing
)
