I can see it now....
A fully-committed Freedom Absolutist is out swinging his bat in the middle of the sidewalk, rendering it too dangerous to use unless he stops.
An approaching pedestrian sees this, analyzes the situation, and decides that someone who's purposely planted himself on the sidewalk instead of his perfectly good lawn where there would be no potential for injury to anyone else is either low-functioning or trying to make a point by being a dick.
Having no inclination or time to engage in conflict or a philosophical debate, and in keeping with a general rule to give dubious people a wide berth if possible, the pedestrian decides to cross the street to the other side, waits at the corner for the signal to change, then steps into the crosswalk whereupon he's promptly run over by a drunk-driving, whiny, self-anointed Sovereign Citizen who believes he can operate using his own childlike interpretation of how road rules and codes re behaviour apply using the long-forgotten and completely irrelevant Articles of Confederation instead of the US Constitution.
The pedestrian lays bleeding, limbs pointing in directions that shouldn't be possible. The pasta sheets his wife sent him to the store for will never make it back to the kitchen, that night's lasagna will remain unmade. He told her he'd walk instead of drive to the store "for exercise", but really it was so on the way home he could sneak a quick one from the pack of cigarettes he's secretly buy, knowing she'd be able to smell the stale smoke in the car later and he'd have to listen to her explaining...again...how he went back on his promise to quit the coffin nails.
The cops show up. Then, the ambulance.
As the EMT's begin to try and stop the bleeding, one of the cops spots a potential witness; a guy nearby on the sidewalk, inexplicably swinging a bat. As he approaches the neighbourhood Babe Ruth and begins to ask if he saw anything, he's instead told he has no right to ask him questions about anything, to stay off his property, and that he's exercising his Right to Freedom to swing for the fences at imaginary fastballs. The pedestrian, at the moment still lucid and observing, feels satisfied that at least his instincts were right about the bat swinger's vibe; weird, with an even weirder sense of priorities.
His attention is suddenly drawn to the sound of shattering glass accompanied by constant, high-pitched, girlish shrieking. The cop dealing with the drunk Sovereign Citizen driver who crushed him immediately lost his patience and then his shit, utterly and completely, when the Dbag driver predictably rolled his car window down exactly 1 inch, told the cop he was recording the encounter, and nervously began reciting his mornonic screed about how he "wasn't driving and didn't need a license because I'm "traveling" and under the Articl."...at which point the window and hell for him broke loose and the funny shrieking began. The pedestrian wasn't sure if it was the EMT's drugs taking effect or just the normal elation that came from watching the cop drag the dunce from his car and begin laying a remedial American History lesson on the fool through the forceful, repeated strokes of his baton. When another cop rolled up and added his taser to the class, the pedestrian softy chuckled, feeling pretty lucky that at least he got to see and hear what so many never get to witness; someone overflowing with so much annoying dipshittery finally getting what's coming to him.
He saw passersby gathering, some holding phones up to record the sights and sweet sounds of Mr. Articles of Confederation every time he learned another valuable historical point with each ride of the lightning, and wondered if they would keep their jobs after this, modern sensitivities being what they are. Knowing they might not, he silently thanked them for their sacrifice, and the show.
The pedestrian needn't have worried. Most of the phones were held up to take selfies which were later posted to social media accounts of those who breathlessly described the drama and trauma they suffered witnessing the affair. When collected as potential evidence, most offered no clear view of the righteous pummelling going on in the background due to stupidly pouty lips and over-protruding big butts arched in ridiculous poses blocking the real center of attention. Snippets and frames of those few that did show something of value only gained traction in the form of comical memes and GIFs because most people don't have an Outrage trigger or gather to demonstrate and certainly not to torch Starbucks and whatnot under the banner of "People We Don't Get What the F They're Talking About Lives Matter".
What the pedestrian did realize instead was, despite their best efforts, the EMTs weren't going to save him. He knew his ticket had been punched by that drunk-driving asshat on the ground next to his car getting his just rewards. But was it entirely that stupid SOB's fault?
What about the ridiculous bat swinger, still over there on the sidewalk where he had been but now feeling smug and victorious after the cop finally gave up trying to get any information about the accident, swinging with renewed vigour at the air filled with imaginary, Government black helicopter-harpies trying to obliterate his Freedom with rockets of Injustice?...it was he and his antics that began the chain of events, wasn't it? Couldn't he have just done his thing in his own friggin yard and none of this would have happened?
Then it hit him with great clarity: He was only walking in the first place because of his own wife...nagging about the cigarettes. Making him promise to quit..essentially forcing him to lie. She caused this. The silly Freedom Absolutist and Sovereign Citizen bleeder were just her unwitting patsies, useful idiots that helped prove she was right...again.... because, dammit, smoking had killed him after all.
