OT: 119th Obsequious Banter Thread: April Foods Day

[Lord Defect]

“If you’re going to sneeze then tightly hold a pillow to your mid-section”

BUT THATS EXACTLY WHERE IT HURTS

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Stops the muscles from expanding some. Kind of like bandaging a broken rib

 

[Striiker]

Pillow helps prevent the rapid expansion of the injured area, I think.. absolutely works.

My pillow was a rotund dinosaur.

Stops the muscles from expanding some. Kind of like bandaging a broken rib

Maybe you both just have weak elderly sneezes?

 

[ajgoal]

Maybe you both just have weak elderly sneezes?

That would hurt less.

 

[Lord Defect]

https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5035396-pentagon-denies-foreign-involvement-new-jersey-drones/

Was this too much to ask for?

 

[Danko]

Im not putting it past a defense contractor but it just seems like a bad way to damage your relationship with the state and federal government to fly these and not acknowledge it. It's aliens...or it's us that live under the ocean. Or it's some sort of Government Dark Agency inside the CIA or NRO...but White House denying it.

They've got to be able to deduce from technology they are using, some sort of clue. Do they show a propulsion source? They are saying Drone, do they emit heat? If they can't be detected using FLIR and they are floating at 15 miles high for 6-7 hours nightly, despite the wind in that area, it's impressive.

 

[Cody Webster]

Yeah. Sounds weird cause it is.

When they work in your abdomen, they inflate it like a balloon, so there's more room. When they close you up, they can't get all the extra air out, so some is left behind. Until it works its way into the blood and then out of the body, it puts pressure on your phrenic nerve, which is located on your diaphragm but extends to the shoulders. So they hurt a lot until you manage to get the gas out.

Also, don't laugh, cough, bend, or have a 20-pound cat jump on your stomach.

Wife went through it with her C-section. She said the pain was awful.

 

[Beef Invictus]

I have that too, but mine is when someone on TV pours liquid from one thing into another thing and it makes the "glug" sound. Or when someone drinks and makes that sound. Or when someone is mic'ed up for reality TV and eats.

Every time I hear the water flowing or pouring sound, especially the kind that YT commercials claim is "relaxing," I want to pull all of the intestines out.

 

[Beef Invictus]

Im not putting it past a defense contractor but it just seems like a bad way to damage your relationship with the state and federal government to fly these and not acknowledge it. It's aliens...or it's us that live under the ocean. Or it's some sort of Government Dark Agency inside the CIA or NRO...but White House denying it.

They've got to be able to deduce from technology they are using, some sort of clue. Do they show a propulsion source? They are saying Drone, do they emit heat? If they can't be detected using FLIR and they are floating at 15 miles high for 6-7 hours nightly, despite the wind in that area, it's impressive.

80k feet? That sounds like BS. Even MQ-4s top out at 60-65k. And nobody would be spotting them, either.

 

[Cody Webster]

Whatever is flying above NJ, it's not allowing personal drones to fly. It's instantly killing the batteries. Don't know if that's normal or not, but seems strange

 

[DancingPanther]

There's a UFO thread for this

 

[Jack Straw]

If they can't be detected using FLIR and they are floating at 15 miles high for 6-7 hours nightly, despite the wind in that area, it's impressive.

Who says they're 15 miles up? Jets typically only fly around 30,000 ft. 15 miles is almost 80,000 feet. That's how high the SR-71 flew.

 

[Embiid]

Witnesses say they are flying above tree top level but below what an airplane would fly whatever the eff that is...

 

[Embiid]

How convenient....they may not even get the reward money and now have to get protected...

America continues to be the worst place to be naive and stupid.

United States of Stockholm Syndrome...

McDonald's workers who identified Luigi Mangione get private security

Luigi Mangione, 26, was arrested at a McDonald's in Altoona, Pennsylvania, and charged in connection with the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.

www.newsweek.com

The New York Police Department and the FBI had offered a combined $60,000 in reward money for information about Thompson's killer. However, there are stringent guidelines about how that money is paid out so it's not clear if those who helped police locate Mangione will receive the money.

 

[Hollywood Cannon]

First decent thing Fanatics has ever done.

For context, this guy has worn a jersey every day and the Twitter person has posted an update like every day of what he was wearing.

 

[JojoTheWhale]

Wirelessly draining batteries in seconds. Of course. Witnesses say they couldn’t get the batteries to recharge until they soaked them in an Ivermectin bath.

 

[DancingPanther]

Wirelessly draining batteries in seconds. Of course. Witnesses say they couldn’t get the batteries to recharge until they soaked them in an Ivermectin bath.

Trust me bro! The drones are going to activate the vaccines!

 

[ajgoal]

Wonderful news! Now instead of all this unpleasant talk, let me tell you how that medical data you handed over will be used in ways you don't want.

That occurred to me but 1) it was given as a gift so I didn’t have much choice, and 2) unless it makes me watch a Flyers game it really can’t hurt me

This seemed oddly appropriate to show up:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/12/us/baby-garnet-cold-case-michigan/index.html

 

[DancingPanther]

Wonderful news! Now instead of all this unpleasant talk, let me tell you how that medical data you handed over will be used in ways you don't want.

It's seriously amazing no one can connect the dots here.

Step 1: you buy the kit
Step 2: you are no longer a costumer because you've become a costumer. This is a one time product.
Step 3: all the people who have wanted to use this one time product have now all used it

What do you think is step 4? Remember, companies are greedy and will do anything for money

 

[Lord Defect]

https://www.technologyreview.com/2018/03/27/144286/up-to-40-of-results-from-consumer-dna-tests-might-be-bogus/

 

[Embiid]

https://www.technologyreview.com/2018/03/27/144286/up-to-40-of-results-from-consumer-dna-tests-might-be-bogus/

You are just trying to explain away your Genetic "Defects"...Lord Defect

 

[Cody Webster]

And in just a quick few years, they became just as expensive as cable

 

[Striiker]

It's seriously amazing no one can connect the dots here.

Step 1: you buy the kit
Step 2: you are no longer a costumer because you've become a costumer. This is a one time product.
Step 3: all the people who have wanted to use this one time product have now all used it

What do you think is step 4? Remember, companies are greedy and will do anything for money

It’s not being unable to connect the dots, it’s that it doesn’t really matter.

Would I have spent my own money to do it? Nope.

Would I do it if someone else buys it for me? Might as well.

 

[DancingPanther]

Taking donations to excavate and replace our main line sewage U trap while planning a wedding

Merry f***ing Christmas

 

[Embiid]

They're here...there and everywhere!

Pilot encountered mystery objects 'moving at extreme speed': FAA

The FAA has confirmed that a pilot reported seeing "unidentified lights" after air traffic control told him to 'avoid the UFO'.

www.newsweek.com

In the 44-minute recording, which was posted to social media on Sunday, a United Airlines pilot, flying over Willamette national forest told air traffic control, "Looking straight west to Eugene. We're seeing 3 or 4 targets... they're at all altitudes, up and down, it's pretty crazy."

United Airlines and LiveATC.net, the website which hosted the recording, declined to comment.

Another pilot, flying a medical evacuation plane over Siuslaw National Forest, told the controller, "just had another one show up, at my 1 o'clock, about 1,000 feet high, zipping towards us and then back out towards the ocean. Red in color. Moving at extreme speed, I just don't know how to describe it."

The controller replied: "Roger. You are clear to maneuver as necessary left and right to avoid the UFO out there. And uh, all of the reports you're giving us are good information, appreciate it."

The pilot later continued, "It's weird. It's a red circular shape, and it keeps zipping out towards the ocean and then coming back in about 20 miles or closer to us, and then zips back out to the ocean and we can't see it."

 

[Lord Defect]

They're here...there and everywhere!

Pilot encountered mystery objects 'moving at extreme speed': FAA

The FAA has confirmed that a pilot reported seeing "unidentified lights" after air traffic control told him to 'avoid the UFO'.

www.newsweek.com

In the 44-minute recording, which was posted to social media on Sunday, a United Airlines pilot, flying over Willamette national forest told air traffic control, "Looking straight west to Eugene. We're seeing 3 or 4 targets... they're at all altitudes, up and down, it's pretty crazy."

United Airlines and LiveATC.net, the website which hosted the recording, declined to comment.

Another pilot, flying a medical evacuation plane over Siuslaw National Forest, told the controller, "just had another one show up, at my 1 o'clock, about 1,000 feet high, zipping towards us and then back out towards the ocean. Red in color. Moving at extreme speed, I just don't know how to describe it."

The controller replied: "Roger. You are clear to maneuver as necessary left and right to avoid the UFO out there. And uh, all of the reports you're giving us are good information, appreciate it."

The pilot later continued, "It's weird. It's a red circular shape, and it keeps zipping out towards the ocean and then coming back in about 20 miles or closer to us, and then zips back out to the ocean and we can't see it."

More ufo news? Must be something else ready to drop that they want a distraction for.