wanna hear a joke??

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Yo mama's so dumb she couldn't pass a blood test.

 

[Carolinas Identity*]

todays bad jokes

what did one Lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
dinner same time next month

What did the fisherman say to the card magician?
Pick a cod, any cod!

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

What's the Internet's favorite animal?
The lynx.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, idiot! BREATHE

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
A barber.


“What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.â€

“A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’â€

“Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!â€

“Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking'.... My dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.’â€

this one legit made me wake up my gf i laughed so hard

 

[sdf]

NEWS
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Czech Republic @ Canada
Teams
Czech RepublicTeam Czech Republic
Czech Republic
0-0-0
0
CanadaTeam Canada
Canada
0-0-0
5
Status
12:02

3rd 1st 2nd 3rd T
Czech Republic 0 0 0 0
Canada 3 2 0 5
WATCH
PREVIEW
BOXSCORE
RECAP
SOG FO% PP PIM HITS BLKS GVA
Team Czech Republic
Czech Republic
26 40 0/5 4 12 9 7
Team Canada
Canada
39 60 1/2 10 15 9 13
Team Czech Republic
Czech Republic Skater Stats
#
Player
Pos
G
A
P
+/-
PIM
S
Hits
BkS
GvA
TkA
FO%
PP TOI
SH TOI
TOI
2 Z. Michalek D 0 0 0 -1 2 0 0 1 1 1 - 0:30 0:00 13:13
6 M. Kempny D 0 0 0 -1 0 1 1 2 0 0 - 3:08 1:44 16:56
9 M. Michalek F 0 0 0 -1 0 2 1 0 0 0 - 2:34 0:40 13:16
10 R. Cervenka F 0 0 0 -1 0 0 0 0 0 0 - 2:25 0:00 12:04
11 M. Hanzal F 0 0 0 -2 0 3 1 0 1 0 44% 3:26 0:24 15:38
12 R. Faksa F 0 0 0 -1 0 0 1 1 1 0 17% 0:00 0:00 4:55
14 T. Plekanec F 0 0 0 -1 0 1 1 0 0 0 41% 2:19 0:40 15:26
17 V. Sobotka F 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 38% 0:46 0:54 11:07
18 O. Palat F 0 0 0 -1 0 2 0 2 0 0 0% 3:34 0:35 15:27
23 D. Jaskin F 0 0 0 -1 0 1 1 1 0 1 - 0:00 0:00 8:19
33 J. Nakladal D 0 0 0 -1 0 2 2 0 0 0 - 2:55 0:25 16:42
47 M. Jordan D 0 0 0 -1 0 2 1 0 1 0 - 0:00 0:00 12:23
62 A. Sustr D 0 0 0 -2 2 2 1 0 1 1 - 0:07 0:40 13:53
64 R. Polak D 0 0 0 -2 0 0 1 1 0 0 - 0:00 1:29 12:15
67 M. Frolik F 0 0 0 -1 0 0 1 1 0 0 100% 2:14 1:05 9:57
83 A. Hemsky F 0 0 0 -1 0 3 0 0 1 0 100% 2:59 0:00 13:19
88 D. Pastrnak F 0 0 0 -1 0 3 0 0 0 0 0% 0:00 0:00 12:35
93 J. Voracek F 0 0 0 -1 0 4 0 0 0 0 - 2:58 0:00 11:30
Team Czech Republic
Czech Republic Goalie Stats
#
Player
Saves - Shots
Sv%
PIM
TOI
30 M. Neuvirth 34 - 39 .872 0 46:11
34 P. Mrazek 0 - 0 .000 0 0:00
Team Canada
Canada Skater Stats
#
Player
Pos
G
A
P
+/-
PIM
S
Hits
BkS
GvA
TkA
FO%
PP TOI
SH TOI
TOI
4 J. Bouwmeester D 0 0 0 2 2 2 1 0 0 0 - 0:00 1:20 13:42
6 S. Weber D 0 0 0 0 0 3 0 1 0 0 - 0:00 3:48 15:38
8 D. Doughty D 0 0 0 2 0 3 1 1 1 1 - 1:19 2:00 16:21
9 M. Duchene F 0 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 - 0:00 0:00 7:40
15 R. Getzlaf F 0 1 1 0 2 1 2 0 0 0 53% 1:11 1:59 14:18
16 J. Toews F 1 0 1 0 0 5 1 0 2 0 57% 1:08 2:39 12:45
20 J. Tavares F 0 1 1 0 0 4 1 0 0 0 50% 1:11 0:00 13:14
24 C. Perry F 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 - 0:57 0:00 9:04
27 A. Pietrangelo D 0 0 0 2 0 3 1 5 0 0 - 0:00 0:58 15:09
37 P. Bergeron F 1 0 1 2 0 4 0 0 2 2 75% 0:58 1:58 10:35
39 L. Couture F 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 100% 0:00 2:03 10:58
44 M. Vlasic D 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 1 3 0 - 0:00 3:48 15:13
63 B. Marchand F 1 2 3 3 2 2 1 0 2 0 - 0:00 0:53 12:00
87 S. Crosby F 1 2 3 4 0 4 3 0 1 1 83% 1:15 0:00 11:01
88 B. Burns D 0 1 1 2 2 1 1 0 1 0 - 0:50 0:00 14:48
90 R. O'Reilly F 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 0 0 50% 0:00 1:50 10:21
91 S. Stamkos F 0 1 1 1 2 2 0 0 0 0 - 0:58 0:24 12:01
97 J. Thornton F 1 0 1 1 0 3 1 0 0 0 100% 0:58 0:00 7:42
Team Canada
Canada Goalie Stats
#
Player
Saves - Shots
Sv%
PIM
TOI
31 C. Price 26 - 26 1.000 0 46:30
50 C. Crawford 0 - 0 .000 0 0:00
Scoring Summary
1st Period
Team Canada
Sidney Crosby (1)
Marchand (1) Stamkos (1)
CZE 0, CAN 1 | 08:26
Team Canada
Brad Marchand (1)
Burns (1) Crosby (1)
CZE 0, CAN 2 | 17:08
Team Canada
Patrice Bergeron (1)
Marchand (2)
CZE 0, CAN 3 | 19:59
2nd Period
Team Canada
Joe Thornton (1)
Crosby (2) Duchene (1)
CZE 0, CAN 4 | 07:22
Team Canada
Jonathan Toews (1)
Getzlaf (1) Tavares (1)
CZE 0, CAN 5 | 14:45PPG
3rd Period
NONE
Penalty Summary
1st Team Penalty
01:40 CZE Andrej Sustr Slashing against Joe Thornton
01:55 CAN Steven Stamkos Holding against Milan Michalek
03:35 CAN Brad Marchand Hooking against Ondrej Palat
2nd Team Penalty
03:14 CAN Jay Bouwmeester Interference against David Pastrnak
07:57 CAN Brent Burns Tripping against Vladimir Sobotka
12:51 CZE Zbynek Michalek Hooking against Ryan Getzlaf
3rd Team Penalty
02:14 CAN Ryan Getzlaf Holding the stick against Vladimir Sobotka
Official Game Reports
Game SummaryEvent SummaryFull Play-by-PlayFace-off SummaryFace-off ComparisonRoster ReportTOI - Czech RepublicShot ReportTOI - Canada

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Hey this is no joke

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

How do you make a Kleenex dance??
Put some boogie in it.

 

[yubbers]

A dislexic guy walks into a bra...

 

[Panteras]

2 gay dudes are fighting over who's turn it is to be bottom. So to settle the dispute they decide to play a "guess the animal game", if guessed right he gets to be top, if not bottom. First gay guy: "what animal has 4 legs, whiskers, and says MEOW"......second gay guy: "an alligator" .....first gay guy: "you guessed right!".

 

[John Price]

how did the amish girl get pregnant?

too many men-a-nite!!!

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Yo mamas so fat that the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

 

[sdf]

Positronic brain cool thing

 

[JS19]

how did the amish girl get pregnant?

too many men-a-nite!!!

You know what's a bigger joke? Carolina's [Hurricane's] Identity. :^)

 

[Carolinas Identity*]

You know what's a bigger joke? Carolina's [Hurricane's] Identity. :^)

yo mama so fat

i stole her car

 

[yubbers]

Yo mamas so fat that the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo mama so fat....
When she went to school...
She sat beside everyone

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Yo mamas so skinny she could hula-hoop with a Cheerio.

 

[yubbers]

Did you hear about that Italian chef?

He pasta way

 

[Jumptheshark]

a seal walks into a bar
the bartender asks him "Wanna want"
Seal says "Anything but Canadian Club"

 

[Jumptheshark]

 

[Panteras]

what kind of bartender asks "Wanna want"?

 

[sdf]

This is bad idea put ****y joke about cruel animal. You should kick ass yourself

 

[Peter Griffin]

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?

Take the S out of Safe and the F out of way.

 

[cupcrazyman]

A horse walks into a bar....

Everyone finds this odd and leaves.

and the bartender says Why the long face ?

 

[cupcrazyman]

Yo mama so fat her blood type is Rocky Road

 

[ADifferentTim]

What do you call a misbehaving Angeleno?
A Fallen Angel.

What do you call a misbehaving New Yorker?
A Bad Apple!!

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Orange you glad I didn't say banana

 

[BackToTheBrierePatch]

I know this really funny joke about a pizza.
oh wait its really cheesy so I better not tell it.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Why is 6 afraid of 7???

Because 789