Useless Thread MCMXCVI - Christmas Is Canceled [CONFIRMED]

[SoupNazi]

lol Yankees

Back in the day George never would have let himself be outbid

 

[PanthersPens62]

The rams were 6-6 lol

you can't lose to that trash

All 3 indiana jones movies are on Prime so I can just download them to my tablet and watch on the plane

I stopped watching 2 somewhere in the middle

Did you not see that the Rams were my Upset of the Week?

Hood Morning @MetalheadPenguinsFan !!

 

[Sega Dreamcast]

Before I check the score, let me guess, the Chiefs won despite playing down to their opponent and getting a few lucky bounces

 

[Sega Dreamcast]

Whatever, Chiefs.

Get all your lucky bounces now, so your luck can run out in the playoffs

 

[Sega Dreamcast]

"there are players not necessarily chasing the Cup as much as a long-term top-tier payday in a comfortable environment."

"I can't believe this comment has upvote support. Name one player who's come out and said they're not out there chasing a Stanley Cup."

Who would be stupid enough to outright admit they care more about money than winning? What a great way to decrease the amount of money you could make.

 

[SoupNazi]

lol Yankees

Back in the day George never would have let himself be outbid

This was back in the days before Plushie Boy jumped on the bandwagon.

 

[Sega Dreamcast]

Look at an asshole like Kadri taking a massive overpayment from Calgary.

When the team was underperforming, did he come out and say "Don't care, got paid"?

No, he whined about the team not being competitive enough, despite his awful contract being a boat anchor weighing the team down.

 

[SoupNazi]

Can’t wait to see @John Price hanging out at Citi Field with Hample trying to catch Soto home runs.

 

[Mantis]

You must be confusing me with @Guerzy


@Mantis can confirm

Can 100% confirm

 

[SoupNazi]

@John Price was a man of peculiar passions. At 5’2”, he wasn’t physically imposing, but what he lacked in stature, he made up for with fervor. Known on the HFBoards forums as “The Useless Thread Poster,” John had gained a reputation for his rambling, offbeat topics. His true obsessions, however, lay in two unusual areas: an unyielding love for plushies and his bandwagon allegiance to the New York Yankees.

John’s bedroom was a shrine to soft and cuddly toys. Plushies of every imaginable form occupied every surface, from shelves to his bed. But right next to his collection stood a poster of Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and Joe DiMaggio—players John never saw live but revered as the holy trinity of baseball.

When John learned the Yankees had failed to sign "the legends" for yet another season—despite the obvious barrier of time and mortality—he was incensed. In his mind, George Steinbrenner, the late Yankees owner, was still pulling the strings from beyond. Convinced Steinbrenner's influence could bring the legends back, John devised a bold plan to force the franchise's hand.

---

On a sunny July afternoon, @John Price arrived at Yankee Stadium armed with a backpack filled with snacks, a thermos of iced coffee, and his prized Babe Ruth plushie. He wore a Yankees jersey with no player’s name, a hallmark of his bandwagon status.

The plan? Chain himself to a seat in the bleachers until the Yankees announced the re-signing of Ruth, DiMaggio, and Mantle.

As he wrapped the heavy chain around his chosen seat and fastened the padlock, he attracted the attention of nearby fans.

“What are you doing, buddy?” asked a man holding a beer.

“I’m saving the Yankees,” John replied dramatically, clutching his plushie for emphasis.

“From what?”

“From irrelevance!” John declared. “This franchise needs Ruth, Mantle, and DiMaggio back on the roster! And I won’t move until it happens!”

---

Word of John’s protest spread quickly. Social media exploded with pictures and videos of the “Plushie Protester.” Hashtags like #BringBackBabe and #ChainGangYankees began trending. Security approached him, but John had prepared. He rattled off an impassioned speech about the importance of tradition, which made absolutely no sense but bought him enough time to finish his thermos of coffee.

The Yankees’ PR team, bemused and unsure of how to proceed, decided to send an intern to reason with him.

“Mr. Price,” the intern began, “you realize Ruth, Mantle, and DiMaggio are no longer with us, right?”

John nodded solemnly. “I’m aware. But their spirit isn’t. Steinbrenner can figure it out.”

“Steinbrenner is… also gone,” the intern said gently.

“Fake news!” John retorted. “Look, just call Cashman and get it done.”

---

By nightfall, John had become a minor celebrity. Local news stations sent reporters to cover the bizarre scene. One particularly bold fan tried to hand John a hot dog, but he refused, insisting he would only eat a “Ruthian steak” in honor of Babe.

Eventually, stadium security called in reinforcements. The NYPD arrived, and after a polite but firm discussion, John’s chain was cut, ending his 14-hour vigil. Fans cheered as he was escorted out, some even chanting, “Sign Ruth!”

---

Though John’s protest failed to revive the Yankees’ legends, he achieved something unexpected: internet fame. His bizarre antics were immortalized in memes, and his HFBoards threads, once ignored, now attracted thousands of replies.

He returned home that night, tired but triumphant. Settling into bed surrounded by his plushies, John smiled. He hadn’t brought back Ruth, Mantle, or DiMaggio, but he had proven one thing: sometimes, being passionately useless was its own kind of victory.

 

[John Price]

 

[Mantis]

Guarentee you watched that whole tutorial video above

 

[John Price]

rip overwatch.

 

[Mantis]

rip overwatch.

Overwatch died years ago. Overwatch 2 sucked

 

[John Price]

 

[John Price]

On the way
At U.S. Postal Service facility

12/9/24 4:49 AM

 

[PanthersPens62]

@John Price Have you heard Cameron Ward plans to eat Pop Tarts on Dec 28??

Any updates on the arrival time for the newest member of Ze Family?

Have you been consoling Babe Woof on losing Soto?

 

[Mantis]

@SoupNazi took you long enough sakes.


Too busy making AI Ixcuincle stories

 

[John Price]

Baseball is f***ing stupid handing out huge contracts like that with infinite lengths. f*** that shit.

People say the blackouts are ruining baseball but in reality it's greedy assholes like Cohen who spend endlessly. I'm mad but I wish Sherman, the Lerners and the Dolans would also spend out their ass too. So it's a double edged sword.

If you own a f***ing baseball team spend. Cohen is a jackass but he spends.

 

[SoupNazi]

Baseball is f***ing stupid handing out huge contracts like that with infinite lengths. f*** that shit.

People say the blackouts are ruining baseball but in reality it's greedy assholes like Cohen who spend endlessly. I'm mad but I wish Sherman, the Lerners and the Dolans would also spend out their ass too. So it's a double edged sword.

If you own a f***ing baseball team spend. Cohen is a jackass but he spends.

Would you be saying this if Hal had opened his tight checkbook and kept Soto? Or would you be ordering a Soto plushie right now?

 

[John Price]

Would you be saying this if Hal had opened his tight checkbook and kept Soto? Or would you be ordering a Soto plushie right now?

He did open it up though they were willing to go as high as the Mets did.

You talk about Hal being stingy but he opened up the checkbook for Judge. Soto would have fit in well with NYY but opted to go for more money. A rare time a star player doesn't re-sign with NYY.

Maybe the Dolans can take notice.

 

[Mantis]

Would you be saying this if Hal had opened his tight checkbook and kept Soto? Or would you be ordering a Soto plushie right now?

This will be going on your year end performance review

 

[PanthersPens62]

Baseball is f***ing stupid handing out huge contracts like that with infinite lengths. f*** that shit.

People say the blackouts are ruining baseball but in reality it's greedy assholes like Cohen who spend endlessly. I'm mad but I wish Sherman, the Lerners and the Dolans would also spend out their ass too. So it's a double edged sword.

If you own a f***ing baseball team spend. Cohen is a jackass but he spends.

How did you not know Jon "don't call me Paul" Heyman is a $hill for Bora$?? Its so bad that he got into a shouting match with a WFAN host (Keith McPherson) & hung up on said host over it.

Also you can't blame Cohen.......I'd rather have an owner like him then that POS Sherman but a salary cap is the only answer now.

 

[SoupNazi]

This will be going on your year end performance review

Joke's on you. We're on a pay freeze so what the hell do I care?

 

[John Price]

How did you not know Jon "don't call me Paul" Heyman is a $hill for Bora$?? Its so bad that he got into a shouting match with a WFAN host (Keith McPherson) & hung up on said host over it.

Also you can't blame Cohen.......I'd rather have an owner like him then that POS Sherman but a salary cap is the only answer now.

Who cares about Boras and Heyman you all act like anything Heyman says is out of Boras' mouth. Never undrestood that criticism.

Heyman: "Got blocked by Zach Hample."

you all: "LE BORASSSS OUTHPITCE"

That said I do not condone or endorse Jon Heyman's comments on social media which got him in hot water.