John Price, an enthusiastic user of HFBoards, was infamous for two things: his unapologetic bandwagoning for the Yankees and his impressive (some might say disturbing) plushie collection. It didn’t matter that he’d only started watching baseball last season; the Yankees had won his heart, and he was ready to defend them against all comers—especially the Dodgers.
The Dodgers’ success made him nervous. It wasn’t just that they were good; they were too good. With October baseball approaching, John couldn't let the thought of a Dodgers championship sully his favorite team’s legacy. So, in the dim light of his basement, John devised a plan.
Having recently read about curses and voodoo, he looked over his plushie collection. Surely, with enough Yankees spirit and a bit of dark magic, he could sabotage the Dodgers. With that, he picked out a handful of plushies to serve as his “cursed agents.” Mickey Mouse was a given, since Disney was practically L.A.'s mascot; Pikachu could carry the “electricity” of Yankee Stadium; and a generic bear he called “Blue” (for obvious reasons) would symbolize L.A. itself. John lined them up in a semicircle, lit a candle, and muttered the makeshift incantation he found online.
“Yankees to rise, Dodgers to fall,” he chanted, prodding each plushie with a Yankee bobblehead to “charge” them with the curse. He finished the ritual with a triumphant snap. His curse was set.
The next day, as he scrolled through HFBoards, eager to see the chaos he’d caused, a troubling realization dawned on him. Yes, the Dodgers had lost a game, but something felt… off. When he glanced at the Yankees game, he was horrified to see his beloved team down by seven runs. He brushed it off as coincidence, until the following game, when two Yankees starting pitchers exited with bizarre injuries. By the next week, Yankees hitters were striking out more than ever, and Aaron Judge was in a prolonged slump.
With mounting dread, John consulted his voodoo sources. The dark arts weren’t a game, he discovered; the energy he’d conjured needed somewhere to go. Since he was a mere bandwagon fan, his spell had ricocheted back to his team instead.
Panicked, he grabbed his plushies and attempted a “reversal ritual,” but it was no use. The curse wouldn’t budge. On HFBoards, John could only watch helplessly as his Yankees faltered game after game while the Dodgers bounced back stronger than ever. Some users suspected John was the jinx, and though he tried to deny it, his frequent, desperate posts only fueled the suspicion.
When the Yankees’ season finally ended with an unceremonious playoff exit, John boxed up his plushies, vowing to stay off the HFBoards “Useless Thread” forever. He was last seen switching his profile picture to a vintage Braves logo, hoping to start fresh somewhere the curse couldn’t find him. But HFBoards would always remember him—the man who tried to curse the Dodgers and instead doomed his own team.
the equivalent of the SAT
