OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[Krams]

Well when you've experienced all the bullshit you have to deal with being in a relationship, and then realize you can just be single and do literally whatever you want, whenever you want, and still be happy, you'll understand. Just my 2 cents. Everyone is different.

I've been in relationships, I've lived with someone when things weren't going well and understand how soul sucking that can be. I have also experienced single life and casual sex. Being single isn't all that bad but I have found that identifying with and embracing the "lifestyle" of doing whatever (and whoever) you want is essentially just vapid hedonism and while it may be fun in spurts ultimately it doesn't bring me any actual happiness. But, that's me. I'm not really extroverted so i don't enjoy nightlife or the club scene on a regular basis. I understand how others might find it enjoyable.

Would rather be accountable to someone else and work towards shared goals. Of course, a relationship should not be your primary source of identity or you are setting yourself up for destruction.

 

[LokiDog]

I've been in relationships, I've lived with someone when things weren't going well and understand how soul sucking that can be. I have also experienced single life and casual sex. Being single isn't all that bad but I have found that identifying with and embracing the "lifestyle" of doing whatever (and whoever) you want is essentially just vapid hedonism and while it may be fun in spurts ultimately it doesn't bring me any actual happiness. But, that's me. I'm not really extroverted so i don't enjoy nightlife or the club scene on a regular basis. I understand how others might find it enjoyable.

Would rather be accountable to someone else and work towards shared goals. Of course, a relationship should not be your primary source of identity or you are setting yourself up for destruction.

I agree with this. I’m once divorced, now engaged. There were probably 20-30 women in between my first marriage and meeting my current fiancé. I enjoyed my lone wolf single days plenty. Freedom is great. Casual sex is fun. Overall it was a great time. I found someone that made the trade offs worth it. If anything, I would say that’s the real advice. Don’t shoe horn yourself into a relationship because dating is something to do or an area that’s lacking in your life. Enjoy the single life - whether that’s casual fun or just focusing on yourself and enjoying being free - until someone actually intersects with you who is WORTH being accountable to and who you can share goals and be yourself unabashedly with.

 

[NYR]

First step to being happy and being ready for any serious relationship is being happy with yourself first.

If you aren't happy with yourself and who you are, you certainly aren't going to be happy with anyone else.

Look in the mirror.

Believe that..

 

[LokiDog]

First step to being happy and being ready for any serious relationship is being happy with yourself first.

If you aren't happy with yourself and who you are, you certainly aren't going to be happy with anyone else.

Look in the mirror.

Believe that..

Big truth.

 

[NYR]

Big truth.

Seriously.. Not everyone is born a 6'3 Adonis and it doesn't matter if you're short, fat or otherwise.
Just lighten up, be cool, open- minded and go with the flow.

All good things to follow..I promise

 

[LokiDog]

Seriously.. Not everyone is born a 6'3 Adonis and it doesn't matter if you're short, fat or otherwise.
Just lighten up, be cool, open- minded and go with the flow.

All good things to follow..I promise

I’ve been saying it in this thread since the first page.

 

[True Blue]

I’ve been saying it in this threaAgrd since the first page.

Agreed. Well maybe not about the Adonis part.

 

[bobbop]

Some woman from Russia i never met says she likes me and is willing to hide in my basement until i get her a Green Card.

Did you meet her on these boards?

 

[NYSPORTS]

Did you meet her on these boards?

let’s not confuse her with guys living in their mom’s basement ok?

 

[Machinehead]

So I just wanted to get some opinions on this.

Since March, I've been teaching online as well as taking my MA classes on Zoom. There's a girl in a couple of these classes that I really like. It's kind of a weird situation, though. Let's put it this way: she would definitely know who I am but we haven't interacted outside of Zoom calls with 15 or so other people. Really, I just wanna talk to her but emailing her or messaging her over the Zoom thing feels sleazy. I don't know, maybe I just don't like it because it's unfamiliar.

Normally, this would be the most obvious thing in the world -- just talk to her before or after class. But now it's a pandemic and nobody actually has a book on pandemics.

 

[BklynTerp]

Admit that it is awkward and make her feel comfortable saying no so that it feels less sleazy and the class isn't weird moving forward if you have to work together or something.

"Hey, this is admittedly kind of awkward but I was wondering if you would be interested in chatting outside of class sometime? If not, no worries at all, and we can just forget that I sent this email/message.."

 

[Machinehead]

Admit that it is awkward and make her feel comfortable saying no so that it feels less sleazy and the class isn't weird moving forward if you have to work together or something.

"Hey, this is admittedly kind of awkward but I was wondering if you would be interested in chatting outside of class sometime? If not, no worries at all, and we can just forget that I sent this email/message.."

Yeah, I could f*** with that. Thanks!

 

[LokiDog]

I agree. Just something like, normally I’d just say what’s up after class but since we’re living in the Covid era, I’m forced to try something a little unorthodox.

 

[Machinehead]

I agree. Just something like, normally I’d just say what’s up after class but since we’re living in the Covid era, I’m forced to try something a little unorthodox.

Honesty is the best policy!

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Yeah, I could f*** with that. Thanks!

Not sure a snow white professor can pull off "I could f*** with that".

 

[will1066]

Message her with a comment about a third party or something funny happening during the Zoom call.

 

[Machinehead]

Not sure a snow white professor can pull off "I could f*** with that".

Don't believe the image, the fridge in the faculty lounge is 80% alcohol.

 

[effen]

doing is ~always better than not doing

splatting hard in this instance is the same as not doing anything, sometimes you gotta click buttons and see what happens.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Just had a date through my matchmaking service. Meh. I felt bored, I felt boring, I felt like she was bored. It felt like a mediocre job interview. I still asked if she wanted to exchange numbers and she declined, I think it was for the better. But man, one left. Then I have to somehow be a regular person and get dates that aren't handed to me.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

So I just wanted to get some opinions on this.

Since March, I've been teaching online as well as taking my MA classes on Zoom. There's a girl in a couple of these classes that I really like. It's kind of a weird situation, though. Let's put it this way: she would definitely know who I am but we haven't interacted outside of Zoom calls with 15 or so other people. Really, I just wanna talk to her but emailing her or messaging her over the Zoom thing feels sleazy. I don't know, maybe I just don't like it because it's unfamiliar.

Normally, this would be the most obvious thing in the world -- just talk to her before or after class. But now it's a pandemic and nobody actually has a book on pandemics.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

If you both have a good rapport on the calls find a way to ask he a question related to school and then work it into more personal.

I often find that grad school was like business where the people especially the single women I interacted with we were all buddies while in class together, and once we were done the friendships mostly ended, however I still casually keep up with a few via social media and we check in on each other during the pandemic.

 

[HFsNumber1Heel]

Just had a date through my matchmaking service. Meh. I felt bored, I felt boring, I felt like she was bored. It felt like a mediocre job interview. I still asked if she wanted to exchange numbers and she declined, I think it was for the better. But man, one left. Then I have to somehow be a regular person and get dates that aren't handed to me.

It's called spinning plates which is the right way to go about it. It will help you to meet many women and stay away from one-itus and falling for one person (guilty here in the past). It will also help recovery time if you really have feelings for someone and you get more experience.

I mentioned I'm talking to someone now it's been a few years since we spoke. She's fine and being responsive and slightly funny but I can tell she's never going to text me unless I text her and she's not really into the same activities/life vision as me. So yeah, not everyone is going to be a home run.

 

[NYR]

So I just wanted to get some opinions on this.

Since March, I've been teaching online as well as taking my MA classes on Zoom. There's a girl in a couple of these classes that I really like. It's kind of a weird situation, though. Let's put it this way: she would definitely know who I am but we haven't interacted outside of Zoom calls with 15 or so other people. Really, I just wanna talk to her but emailing her or messaging her over the Zoom thing feels sleazy. I don't know, maybe I just don't like it because it's unfamiliar.

Normally, this would be the most obvious thing in the world -- just talk to her before or after class. But now it's a pandemic and nobody actually has a book on pandemics.

Nope.. You need to be very careful in the work environment.
What if she's part psycho like you and ends up labeling you and you lose your job over it?

That type of label never goes away..

Wait until you're in person.
The online thing is creepy to begin with ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE'S YOUR STUDENT so don't go there.
What are you..f***ing Ross?! Lol

That said.. You will know when a woman is interested in you by the way they act around you and more importantly by their body language.

Does she laugh at your dumb jokes?
Does she play with her hair?
Does she touch her neck?
Do her eyes become dilated?
Do her feet point in your direction when you're talking to her?

These are all subconscious signs/ movements that lets you know that someone is into you.

If none of them apply, move on but don't do anything stupid online unless you're drinking and posting on HF

Psychology 101.. You're welcome, creep

 

[JESSEWENEEDTOCOOK]

Holy shit

I agree completely with @NYR

The day of reckoning is near

but yeah bigggg big no IMO. If you were both students maybe. In this situation no. I would say there’s a 90% chance of a highly negative reaction.

 

[LokiDog]

Holy shit

I agree completely with @NYR

The day of reckoning is near

but yeah bigggg big no IMO. If you were both students maybe. In this situation no. I would say there’s a 90% chance of a highly negative reaction.

Maybe I read it differently than you guys, but I’m pretty sure they are both students in his MA classes and he’s not trying to pick up one of his students. Could be wrong.

 

[Harbour Dog]

Maybe I read it differently than you guys, but I’m pretty sure they are both students in his MA classes and he’s not trying to pick up one of his students. Could be wrong.

Ditto.