Frederik95
Registered User
- Oct 19, 2019
- 59
- 111
Specific to the OP. I focus on narrative in spoken word or writing. What you wrote is not just a letter. Something of this nature should probably be written as an Essay. At least inasmuch as your primary thoughts should be expressed early in the writing, and indeed they are. But if reading this as an essay, vs a letter its problematic, because I have trouble getting beyond this early paragraph;
"However, each year. it also brings out the bad side of a few people. It’s especially true for a few Canadians, who feels an entitlement towards the whole tournament. Their view on nations like Denmark, Austria, Germany, and Switzerland is that they are nations that bring nothing to the tournament and only tarnish the reputation of the Juniors since they aren’t on the level of the very best nations."
The above is harshly worded to those Canadians and from the outset of your letter it prevents it from making any impact with those alleged Canadians, rather, it targets them and makes unkind assumptions about them. Even suggesting that they are bad people. Which I suppose wasn't your cognitive intent in writing that. Perhaps you don't write naturally in English. I don't know.
Sorry, but that is an ineffective letter, or appeal, and your choice of how you conveyed that paragraph renders your letter ineffectual. An appeal to just the collective love of the game, without singling out any particular group, or nations fans, would be better received. just my feedback.
I fullly get that and that paragraph is the one thing i wish i could change. I could have made it much clearer what the point i wanted to make was an make sure that, it, first of all, is okay for them to have said views and that this far from represent Canadians as a people. My intent was far different and i wanted more so to just showcase my views on the debate from a less common angle. English isnt my first language and while i do write a fair bit in English, i never done an open letter before which i guess is why it has tendancies to an Essay more so than Letter.
Thanks for the feedback and i will take that to heart for sure