Guys? How is everyone doing? Hopefully everyone is okay with a rumoured lockdown imminent that is likely to happen.
I've thought about this over the last few days and I still don't know how to respond.
Life is absolute chaos right now with a 3 month old and a 2.5 year old who take turns not sleeping. Family unit stress is through the roof due to this as well as Covid stresses, this even with grandparents help. Work is busy as hell right now for me. I've typically been getting like 3-5 hours of sleep 4-5 times a week for the last month and the spouse is hitting similar numbers too. If stuff goes sideways, who ends up holding the bag?
...And yet I have had this inexplicable shit eating grin pop up on my face in the gaps between the constant storms and just random rushes of calm or excited energy frequently hit me over the last few weeks. The grin is weird, it bugs me. I can't tell if I've accidentally tapped into a special part of coping that gives me a rush of zen when things get absolutely inhuman levels of screwy, or if I've snapped and gone kinda crazy and manic. If anyone is wondering, no, this is not some chemical calm or a side effect of playing with jazz cabbage. I even significantly cut back my alcohol consumption to levels significantly lower than pre-covid.
Like, even with the absolute crap show swirling around me, I've been smiling and chugging along. Don't get me wrong, whatever this is, I'll take it. But in the back of my mind it's still super, duper weird. A few months ago, I definitely was strung out, feeling very burnt out, feeling like I was drowning slowly... and sometime between that and now, that mentality has just melted away and been replaced with inexplicable moments of zen and satisfaction.
I'm looking forward to the busy insanity at work to evaporate soon.
I'm looking forward to the holidays coming.
I'm looking forward to getting 5-6 hours of sleep a day regularly (a level of barely tolerable "adequate").
I'm looking forward to being at home a few hours more a day instead of at work and doing things with family.
I'm looking forward to having more mental capacity to think of inane things like whether my brand spanking new patio heater will be stolen due to sudden surge in desirability due to the rules of this extended lock down.
I'm looking forward to have time and energy to catch up on chores around the house so it doesn't look like a frat party threw a party at my place, then tried to cover their tracks by throwing children's things around the house...
One thing I am thankful this week, my wife bought me a percussion massager for less than $100 on Amazon. I'm excited for it to arrive so that I can try it on this achy and battered body of mine.
Stay safe, sane and serene everyone!