Welcome to The Flyers Board NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot, TITILLATING PHASE TWENTY-FOUR!
THE TITILLATION
Are you all relaxed and refreshed after your long break from selecting shit? I hope so, because there is a lot more shit to select if we hope to survive, much less thrive, in the Quackverse, that weird, strange place that could pose us just about any question, any danger. We'll be adding some exciting new hockey talent very soon - the luck of the draw will never be so important (to the extent that hockey matters at all, which it doesn't) - but that is then and this is now, as far as we know.
So here are 12 extremely important things to select. That’s a lie, they are hardly important. But they could prove substantial when it comes to your ability to enjoy your survival out there. There are decorations and delicacies and decisions which could and should add color to your lives. Embrace it, rainbow warriors – unlike the Flyers, we are all about addition over subtraction.
THE RATIONAL SHIT
- Team Apple Variety – Pretty self-explanatory. Pick which kind of apple you want to have available to you. If you want more than one kind, you are f***ed, so make it count.
- Team ASMR Artist – Not the least bit self-explanatory. I had to explain it to myself. “It is anyone who creates something to stimulate ASMR, to represent ASMR, or that is inspired by ASMR. The most common ASMR artists are video artists.” Ummm … “ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) is a relaxing, often sedative sensation that begins on the scalp and moves down the body. Also known as ‘brain massage,’ it's triggered by placid sights and sounds such as whispers, accents, and crackles.” One for Google, innit. Do try and have fun with it. I’m pretty sure we will accept any artist who does for you what that definition of ASMR says, but we’ll see how it goes.
- Team Bumper Sticker – You can find one or make one up yourself. And you don’t have to put it on your space car, though you can. It probably should have something to do with your franchise #Lore, but that’s up to you.
- Team Children's Toy – The best way for me to explain this is to say that Star Wars figures are off limits unless you own the Star Wars movie franchise. I gave it a lot of thought, and I can’t see a way it makes sense for it to be up for grabs for all of us, though many of us would want it. Think of it as an opportunity to delve into your memories and find something you really loved. Unless you only had a wooden rocking horse, in which case you are f***ed. The same rule applies for all movie/cartoon/etc. franchises. Videogames and videogame systems are not eligible for this for our purposes - pick an actual toy.
- Team Endangered/Extinct Animal – This should be pretty fun. And also kind of sad. You can’t pick “human beings,” even though we are completely f***ing doomed. It has to be officially listed as extinct or endangered. Don’t worry, they won’t be all mangy and decrepit when we put them on the [transport vehicles] – they will be from test tubes with fresh DNA samples.
- Team Holiday – Pick a holiday. Creative interpretation is welcome in this one, so have at it. Unless it is stupid as f***, Milord.
- Team Movie Quote – This is going to be a nightmare for the boxes, I just know it. The quote can be any size within reason, though it probably shouldn’t be a whole page from the script. You’ll get the whole quote, regardless of how I have to chop it for the bookkeeping. Don’t worry about whether or not someone has picked the movie already – this is completely separate.
- Team Nut – For this one, creativity is not welcome. For example, don’t pick “Zeppo Marx” or “Jerry Lewis.” Pick an actual, literal nut. This does not include individual testicles or the moment of completion from a session of sweet lovemaking. Just nature’s own organically grown literal nuts.
- Team Refrigerator Magnet – This should be one you find, rather than one you make up. If you have one at home that you want, you could take a picture of it. You shouldn’t infer from this category that we will definitely have refigerators in the Quackverse – no one even took one for their home appliance, although CelsiusFlyer69 took a wine fridge, not surprisingly. These magnets are cool to have around and plaster on metal surfaces. Like tanks, for example. But we might also have fridges.
- Team Slow Dance Song – This is an awesome category. The perfect category. I don’t even know if people still slow dance, but it was just about my favorite thing in high school. I went to an all-boys school, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we had co-ed dances across the Catholic high school network, as well as formals. I made out with my date on the dance floor during the entirety of “Purple Rain” at the Winter Formal senior year. It was sloppy as f***, and tremendous. Anyway, if you’ve never done this, you poor bastard, pick a slow song to dance to. Don’t pick a song that has been picked before or from an artist who has been picked as Team Band.
- Team Tree – This is the type of tree which you will have a lot of. I don’t know if it’s the only kind of tree you’ll have, but it probably is, which means we’ll have to do Team Tree II later. There are a lot of great trees out there. Fewer of them since the Canadians burned down their forest.
- Team Vegetable – This category is gross, but we have to have them if we want to be healthy … or some shit. If I were you, I’d pick one that you can choke down and then get the hell out of there.
Remember: “Chaos” is not the same thing as “Havoc.” Engage in the former, not the latter. We have a whole ton of stuff left over for future phases, so don’t worry if categories you wanted aren’t in here - I will champion them later with the boss.
For the first round, we will give everyone 12 hours to get revved up again - for all the succeeding rounds, it will be six hours. The daily clock starts at 8 a.m. and ends at 10 p.m., all times Eastern. This is a MONGOOSE DRAFT, which is the same functionally as a snake draft, but isn’t named after the turboc*** of the animal world.
Don't forget to tag the next person in your pick post AND send a PM.
DRAFT ORDER
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
BigToe - Stockholm Simps
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
Beef Invictus - D.C. Mutineers
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Asnito - Tijuana Toads
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Striiker - Allentown Attack
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
BernieParent - Halifax Galleons
Hollywood Cannon - Las Vegas Desert Ducks
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
BigToe - Stockholm Simps
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
Beef Invictus - D.C. Mutineers
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Asnito - Tijuana Toads
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Striiker - Allentown Attack
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
BernieParent - Halifax Galleons
Hollywood Cannon - Las Vegas Desert Ducks
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
RIVALRIES
| HOST | RIVAL | |
| Allentown Attack | vs | New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins |
| Chicago Chimpanzees | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| D.C. Mutineers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Honolulu Ghibli | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Jacksonville Methgators | vs | Tampa Bay Firesticks |
| Las Vegas Desert Ducks | vs | Providence Platypi |
| Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha! | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| Los Angeles Whalers | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Montreal Sexpos | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins | vs | Allentown Attack |
| New York M.A.D. Cats | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Philadelphia Villains | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Portland Fog | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Providence Platypi | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Quebec Lapins | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Seattle Sockeyes | vs | Vancouver Beavers |
| St. Paul Stay Pufts | vs | Tijuana Toads |
| Tampa Bay Firesticks | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Tijuana Toads | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Vancouver Beavers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Virginia Beach Surge | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
NO NAMING NAMES, NO PICK TIPPING, NO ICE CREAM BANTER, NO TWITCH SHIT, SNITCHES GET STITCHES!
LEARN TO F***ING READ!
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE ON INSTAGRAM
LEARN TO F***ING READ!
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE ON INSTAGRAM
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