Scene I: Bruins management & staff are in Claude Julien's office. They are discussing tonight's game against Montreal:
Don Sweeney(constantly scanning his cell phone for proposed deals): You know Claude, with all the new guys on the team I'm not sure they truly understand what it means to play against those mother bleepers.
Claude(munching on KFC Extra Crispy): Hmmm....better have a talk with them. *Burps* Jay, (Pandolfo former Bruins whipping boy & present assistant coach) get the team into the locker room!
Scene II: Bruins locker room. The entire team is assembled and the new guys are wondering what this is all about.
Danton Heinen (rookie winger): I wonder what this is all about?
David Backes (new Bruins UFA signing) No idea. Hopefully it's not a reaming. Hitch used to get on us all the time back in St. Louis...no wonder we didn't have anything left for the playoffs.
*Claude strides into the room and faces his squad*
Claude: I want to talk to you about tonight's game. You are members of the Boston Bruins. One of the Original 6 franchises of the National Hockey League. It is both an honor and a privilege to wear that Spoked B on your sweater. Tonight we play the Montreal Canadiens who are also an Original 6 franchise. Now maybe you new guys don't know this but Montreal is, has been and always will be our most hated opponent. No other team even comes close. No Marchy, not even Vancouver (everyone looks at Brad Marchand who made one of the Sedin twins his personal ****** during the 2011 Cup Final) Now let me make this clear to all of you: You are the Boston Bruins. You have the best equipment and the best training money can buy. You are going to whip those poutine swilling sons of ******es every time you step on the ice. You're not just going to check them out of the play, you're going to check them 30 rows back into the stands. You're not just to defend your goalie when those jackwagons try to pile in on him, you're going to sweep that crease so clean you can eat your dinner off of it. You're not just going to fight those Montreal mother ******* you are going to beat them to such a pulp their own mothers won't recognize them. Why? Because they are Montreal. The Evil Empire of the NHL. The New York Yankees of the NHL. The biggest collection of diving, whining and cheap shotting swine you will ever encounter in your NHL career. Remember, there is a reason why they wear a toilet seat logo on their sweaters. That is all.
*Claude leaves the room. The new guys are shocked. They have never heard such angry words from their coach. Except when they fail to back check. Then they get it both barrels...*
Brandon Carlo (rookie defenseman) Wow. Claude really hates them.
Zdeno Chara (The Captain): And with good reason my young partner. Anyone who has coached or played against them despises them for they are a prize collection of ********** on skates. They are the opposite of what we Bruins are about. Never never forget that.
Tuukka Rask(5-15-3, .909SV% lifetime vs Habs): I don't know guys. We haven't beaten them here in 4 years. I don't think we can do this.
Chara: What? What was that you said? To hear you talk the game is over already. Well **** you. **** that. The game isn't over until the final siren sounds. Was it over when the Maple Leafs were up on us 3-1 during that playoff game? Was it over when the Sox were down 0 games to 3 against the Yankees in 04? Was it over when the Sox were down 2 games to 3 against the Reds in 75?
Rob O'Gara (rookie defenseman): Red Sox? 75?
David Krejci (veteran center): Forget it he's rolling. Besides you weren't even born yet.
Chara: Hell no! And it ain't over now! This could be one of our best games of the season. I don't care if a Montreal fan does call the police from his seat in the Garden when I plaster a smurf into the glass. I know the surrounding Bruins fans will make his life an absolute hell until security can get there. I'm not afraid of those little toilet seat logo wearing pieces of **** and neither should any of you. Now let's go out there and smear the blood of their corpses all over our ice. This is our ****ing house and our ****ing city!!!!!!!!!
**** the Habs!!!!