Life Advice

[Jiminy Cricket]

At the age of 99 I have been around the block a few time`s. And I get lot`s of people, usually 10-20 message`s per day, Asking me for advice. So here are some of the thing`s I have learned over the year`s.

• Smoke a lot of cigarette`s. They alway`s calm me down when I am stressed, I have gone through probably around 50-60 thousand Pack`s of cigarette`s in my life. They are completely healthy, the people telling u they are bad are the same people trying to push pill`s down your throat for everything, Lord only know`s how much money Big Pharma is making. I have 0 lung damage in 99 year`s of smoking.
• Buy Now, Pay Later. U never know when u will pass away, so there is no need to Werry about future bill`s. I just charge everything on credit card`s, I am not werry`d at all about debt. The United S`tate`s of AnMerica has over 30 trillion Dollar`s in debit and u have these finance nerd`s werry`d about a little bit of credit card debit. Whenever the bill`s start rolling in I just slice up my credit card`s & forget about them. We could pass the **** away at any moment so who care`s.
• Collect Welfare. This one is straitforward. U are literally getting free money from the goverment. U can get even more money by having kid`s, I pump out new kid`s every year 2 increase my benefit`s. And I am driving around in a 90 thousand dollar Escalade with a C5 Corvette in the garage for Sunny day`s.

Stay Tuned for more Tip`s & Trick`s !!!

 

[BB79]

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

• Join the National Basketball League. U can make a lot of money by playing ball. Just look at Kobe Brian. Or Jame`s LeBron is another guy who has made million`s in this game. I played in the National Basketball League myself back in the 90`s, I don`t want to reveal my identity but let`s just say I won a few M.V.P. Award`s. My ex-Son Jamillion was headed 2 the NBA before he Tore his A.C.L. and was removed from the Fambly. Most people slave away at a horrible job for 50 grand a year & die poor, it is a much better decision to play in the National Basketball League and make million`s.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

Some Tip`s for a recession. At the age of 99 I have been around the block a few time`s. Including I was there for the Great Depression. And I remember when we use to need a wheel barrel full of Cash to buy a single loave of bread. So here are some tip`s to get u thru:

• Eat a lot of Wendy`s. U may need a wheel barrel full of cash 2 buy a loave of bread, but Wendy`s will alway`s be affordable. That is why u alway`s see soldier`s carrying around bag`s & bag`s of Wendable`s during the war. Great food at great price`s.
• Buy Walmart stock. No manner how expensive thing`s get, people will alway`s be shopping at Walmart. This stock is Recession proof.
• Smile. Every day I wake up greatful for this beautiful gift of Life. That is how I made it 99 year`s. I have suffered from diabeetus, Fungus, u name it. And i have alway`s smiled thru it all.