Since I was crabby about Christmas movies this past week or so (though I did watch two legit holiday offerings in Remember the Night and The Family Stone) I unearthed a pair of Christmas adjacent, but decidedly non-Christmas “Christmas” movies.
The Silent Partner. Never heard of this before. A 1970s Canadian-noir with Eliot Gould as a Toronto bank teller who outsmarts a bank robbing Santa played by a pretty vile and menacing Christopher Plummer. A surprisingly and enjoyably nasty little piece of work. Clever crime flick. The Christmas setting and Santa suit is all the holiday justification you need though it’s decidedly not a Christmas movie.
Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence. Look, it’s got CHRISTMAS right there in the title. The holiday does factor into two key scenes, but also definitely not a Christmas movie. Oshima is one of my favorite filmmakers though I’d never seen this one before despite it being one of his more prominent films. A cultural clash, to say the least, in a WWII POW camp. As with some of his other work, themes of obsession and an almost tragic, destructive nature to sexuality are here too. I’d stop short of calling David Bowie a good actor, but he makes for a hell of a presence when used right. (see also: The Man Who Fell to Earth). It’s a haunting and hypnotic film with much of that sense driven by the anachronistic synth score by Ryuichi Sakamoto who also stars as one of the main characters.
And some non-holiday viewing.
Wonder Woman 84. I’m not about to say it’s good BUT I feel like it’s getting killed on the internet way more than it should. It’s not an A, but it’s not an F. It’s a solid C. The biggest positive I’ll say is Chris Pine’s charm does a lot of heavy lifting here. I kinda like both of the villains too but I feel like they both really come off the rails in the last third. There’s a universe where they could have been better. Not bad, but definitely feels like a wasted opportunity. The two biggest negatives are that it’s really bloated. Being a big IP potential blockbuster shouldn’t equate to an automatic 2.5 hour runtime but damn if it doesn’t often feel that way. The other big issue, at least for me, was the FX were bad. Something this expensive shouldn’t look this poor. We have the technology. Everyone and everything is too weightless ... hey there’s probably a metaphor there!
Capone. Perhaps I’m in a forgiving mood re: WW84 because I also happened to watch Capone the same day. In any year where The Last Thing He Wanted didn’t come out, this would be a shoe-in for the worst movie I’ve seen. Those two are like the 2007 Oscars when There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men faced off, but for absolute head-up-the-ass garbage. I know Tom Hardy is one of the precious, beloved children on this board (I am a fan more often than not) but he gives what may be one of the worst, most obnoxious, most masterbatory “actorly” performances I’ve ever seen in a movie here. He mumbles and rasps in a voice that sounds like he’s auditioning to be a CGI Star Wars alien. He bugs his eyes and droops his jaw and farts and shits himself (hey there’s probably a metaphor there!) and absolutely sabotages what MIGHT have been a decent concept (Last days of Al Capone, is he or is he not crazy?). I’d almost feel bad for writer-director Josh Trank and accuse Hardy of running roughshod over the poor guy, but he also opens with a ham-handed Godfather homage that they probably both thought was “f***ing sweeeeet” but plays anything but. I hated this movie deeply. Some might argue Hardy’s batshit performance is a reason to watch this but don’t fall for it. Can’t wait for some young take master to inevitably write “Why Josh Trank’s Capone is Actually a Masterpiece ...” five years from now.
Edit: Dear GOD I forgot to mention the hall of fame level bad makeup job on Hardy in the movie too. It's right up there with Johnny Depp in Black Mass. Dan Aykroyd would have thrown these concepts out while making Nothing But Trouble for being too ridiculous.
