Our hero ixcuincle was born in 1985 under the name Brian Patrick Roberts in parts unknown to a family of Chinese immigrants. ixcuincle's parents had great dreams for him; they had always wanted him to do something great for the world. At first, ixcuincle's behavior as a young lad led them to believe they had a special child, but in a not-so-good way. The first thing ixcuincle had ever said was "ROFL". One day, young ix was lying there in his crib and started yelling "ROFL". His parents ran in and said "What the **** is our son saying?!" ixcuincle started to say other things like "lol" and "bawse". His odd behavior continued with actions like flushing his father's keys down the toilet, hanging from power lines, and taking his pants off at the daycare. ixcuincle soon found a way to control his energy, and that was through sports. Young ixcuincle was sitting in front of the television one day, flipping through the channels and he stumbled upon a sports channel. The New York Yankees were playing the Baltimore Orioles, and the curious ixcuincle decided to watch. He fell in love with baseball almost immediately. Later on, he would tune in to watch NFL, the U.S. National Soccer Team, college basketball, and Canadian World Junior hockey. Without a doubt, ixcuincle loved sports. ixcuincle had decided he wanted to play sports. He wanted to be the next Jordan, the next Lalas, or the next Ripken. ixcuincle would play goalkeeper in soccer despite the fact he was a short Asian kid with glasses and couldn't run or kick for ****; he did it all for the love of the game. It was always the same for ixcuincle in other sports. He couldn't dribble the ball without hitting his feet in basketball, he couldn't hit the ball off the tee in teeball, he couldn't catch a football, and he certainly couldn't ice skate. The kid played his little heart out every game. Around this time, ixcuincle was starting elementary school. Now, ixcuincle had never really enjoyed his Mandarin classes much, and he already knew that he wouldn't like school at all. You'd never dare get him started on how much he hated the school system. To make things worse, ixcuincle's love for playing sports ended abruptly in P.E. He had struck out in kickball, and the soon realized he wasn't cut out for sports. The distraught ixcuincle was watching the sports channel the next day, wishing he was born with athleticism. Now, young ixcuincle had never really payed much attention to the play-by-play announcer or the color commentator. It was the World Series, Jack Buck and Jim Kaat were calling the game. ixcuincle began to pay attention to them; he'd listen to every detail that was said, listen to every observation that. He was greatly intrigued by them. The next game he watched, he muted the T.V. He began calling the game, announcing the player at the plate, exclaiming at home runs or great plays, cracking Pejorative Slured jokes; basically acting like a play-by-play announcer. ixcuincle had found his new love. ixcuincle spent the rest of his elementary school days watching and calling sports games, attending school, watching cartoons, The Simpsons, playing on his Game Boy Color, and playing Magic:The Gathering. Middle school was almost the same routine for him: TV, school, video games, MTG. However, during this time, his family bought a computer. At first, he didn't know what to do on it. So he just played solitaire on his new computer. Soon, ixcuincle reached high school. He entered the prestigious Winston Churchill High School with much experience under his belt. ixcuincle liked high school, but still hated the school system. To release his frustration in high school, he would play Madden on a PS2 in one of the classrooms and do other hood rat stuff like that. At home, he'd still play solitaire on his computer, until he heard of "computer games". The first computer game he ever got was StarCraft. To him, the game was the ****. He liked it so much he missed his high school graduation ceremony and prom just to play it. When ixcuincle was in high school, The Simpsons was at its peak. He began to watch it more and more. He'd watch it so much that he would reference it constantly to the bewilderment of his peers and family. While watching The Simpsons, he learned of the internet. He had no idea what the **** that was, so he eventually looked into it and got it hooked up to his computer. ixcuincle soon became obsessed with the concept known as the internet. He'd look up Simpsons quotes, post on StarCraft forums, and browse GeoCities pages. The youthful ixcuincle was headed for a vacation and decided to post a thread telling others what he was up to. When he got back from his vacation, he saw the response to his thread. People had said "Who the **** are you?" "Why the **** would I care about your life?" ixcuincle felts so rejected that he didn't go out for almost a week. To this day, ixcuincle doesn't create threads unless there is an emergency, and he also doesn't tell people when he's about to go on vacation. High school days were almost over for ixcuincle. He applied and was accepted into Virginia Tech, his dream school. ixcuincle was on his way to growing up and becoming a man.
