If I wasn’t an NHLer I’d be a….

[MrLouniverse]

Who the f*** even is Chandler Stephenson? He sounds like a low level manager at a small to medium sized credit union. Those big front pearly chompers bursting out of his mouth screaming that he has a great benefits package including orthodontics. Probably goes home to a beautiful wife named Theresa, two thriving sons named Douglas and Peter, and has a spotted Great Dane named Oswald who has a massive dangling set of untrimmed nuts. How you gunna be a 1C on a top NHL team and be named Chandler Stephenson. Might as well be named Dansby Swanson or something. Figure it out bud.

 

[Grate n Colorful Oz]

Dr. John Tavares, PhD and prominent #1 New York Times bestselling author

He sure as shit wouldn't be an accountant, though!

 

[Grate n Colorful Oz]

Sergei... BOBROVSKY!!! - would be the #1 cop on the force
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I can hear the chief screaming his name

 

[Cursed Lemon]

i feel like matthews would be bending spoons with his mind.

Nah, he'd be begging Tony Montana to spare his life

 

[Jumptheshark]

Pat Maroon

 

[Praetorian Caps]

Mine? Quester for fire.

View attachment 1003594

A spartan from 300.

 

[luiginb]

McDavid would've been a singer-songwriter (does jpg not work here any more?):

Yeah and he also has that Connor Oberst/Jason Molina/Elliott Smith "joie-de-vivre" about him

 

[luiginb]

Joe Thornton would have started off as a farmer, moved to the big city to try his hand at stand up, but end up moving to California and becoming a surfing instructor, always talking about catching "the big one"

 

[SUX2BU]

Jack Eichel, stunt double for Daniel Stern

 

[Coffee]

I don't know what I would be doing to be honest with you. Maybe a RT

 

[Norwegianoiler]

View attachment 1004357

Eichel: Somehow still employed by Blockbuster.

Eichel seems like the kind of guy who would think a burglary should be marked by stuffing cloth in the drain and leaving the water taps on.

 

[namttebih]

Brysgalov would be an anger management counselor.