If I wasn’t an NHLer I’d be a….

[Ace Card Bedard]

Tyler Bertuzzi

Delivery man for Leon's Furniture store.

 

[LokiDog]

Jonathan Quick:

Just a chill guy, elder emo who likes the mosh pit. Failed BMX career when he was still in high school.

 

[JianYang]

Lane Hutson

There is no scenario where he is not the best hockey player in the world.

Still waiting for him to be sent down to the ahl where he belongs

 

[Mr Nogatco]

Those old Sens jerseys look way worse than I remember.

Such a travesty. Current/classic Sens uni’s are among the best in NA pro sports

 

[Martin Skoula]

View attachment 1003853
Twitch video game streamer

Uncanny Bill Maher resemblance.

Also JBo would be an accountant or IT support for the government.

 

[miscs75]

Marchand:

Car salesman or real estate

I thought he’d work in an ice cream cone factory.

 

[Master P]

Gabe Landeskog, pick-up artist and part-time gigolo:

View attachment 1003997

Imagine Dragons super fan

iykyk

Found it

 

[Matty Sundin]

Auston Matthews supposedly was a better baseball player then he was hockey player

 

[AlwaysSunnyInDetroit]

i feel like matthews would be bending spoons with his mind.

how is he so bald so young? jesus

 

[brentashton]

View attachment 1003950
This guy is 100% trying to sell me a used 2016 6 cylinder mustang that has 150k miles with ridiculous financing

Close.

He’d be selling used rims and tires out of a dilapidated building in central Phoenix.

Install and balancing, extra.

 

[Andre Palot]

Ovechkin - Bouncer at a techno club in Moscow

Kovalchuk would be the club's DJ

 

[Mr Nogatco]

Kovalchuk would be the club's DJ

And bouncer

 

[Nick Hansen]

McDavid would've been a singer-songwriter (does jpg not work here any more?):

 

[Randyne]

 

[Nick Hansen]

Uncanny Bill Maher resemblance.

Also JBo would be an accountant or IT support for the government.

View attachment 1004076

 

[CarolinaBlueJacket]

Matthieu Olivier - MMA fighter

 

[Pieck]

Nikita Zadorov - leader of a gang

 

[Maitz]

Jaden Schwartz would be a surf instructor in California

- jawline/cheekbone prominence
- no way this dude doesn't dabble in the kush
- will drop everything just to shred the gnar
- lives out of his van

View attachment 1003672

Toby from the office?

 

[CarolinaBlueJacket]

Sergei... BOBROVSKY!!! - would be the #1 cop on the force

 

[TheDawnOfANewTage]

Eichel: Somehow still employed by Blockbuster.

Olofsson: Somehow the first sentient AI and none of us noticed.

 

[I Hate Blake Coleman]

Brent Burns would manage a kitchen at longstanding local bar which frequently hosts dart tournaments, karaoke and trivia nights.

On the side, he'd be in a sludgey doom metal band who once opened for Pentagram in 2014. His instrument would be a faded SG special with strings that have never been changed.

He's estranged from his ex-wife, who remarried and started a new family, but they have an awkward teenage daughter that they've been splitting time raising over the year so they keep in contact, albeit only for parenting reasons.

He has a criminal record, but it's only for possession and it has been more than a decade since that incident.

Although his outward appearance is jovial, people close to him say he struggles with depression.

 

[The Shadow]

Semin would be in a Beach Boys cover band playing the…..bongos of course

 

[dnlfrncs]

Dr. John Tavares, PhD and prominent #1 New York Times bestselling author

 

[EdJovanovski]

Rempe would be a supermodel

 

[Realgud]

Kravtsov would cure cancer