OT: Humour Thread
- Thread starter Hunter368
- Start date
4 here ......
Oh my gawd, I have 7 points.
I'm not doing it right...
ryerockarola
Registered User
- Nov 20, 2011
- 6,000
- 7,586
An Aussie truck driver walks into an outback cafe with a full grown emu. The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a beer please,’ and turns to his pal. ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ‘That’ll be $9.40 please.’ He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day they return and the truckie orders a hamburger, chips and a beer, and the emu says, ‘I’ll have the same.’ Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.
‘The usual?’ asks the waitress. ‘No, it’s Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato, salad and a martini,’ says the man. ‘Same,’ says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’ Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot contain her curiosity any longer.
‘Excuse me mate, but how do you manage to come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?’
‘Well love, a few years ago I was cleaning out the back shed when I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’
‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!’
‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount is always there.’
The waitress asks him, ‘So what’s with the bloody emu?’
The truckie sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say.’
The next day they return and the truckie orders a hamburger, chips and a beer, and the emu says, ‘I’ll have the same.’ Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.
‘The usual?’ asks the waitress. ‘No, it’s Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato, salad and a martini,’ says the man. ‘Same,’ says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’ Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot contain her curiosity any longer.
‘Excuse me mate, but how do you manage to come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?’
‘Well love, a few years ago I was cleaning out the back shed when I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’
‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!’
‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount is always there.’
The waitress asks him, ‘So what’s with the bloody emu?’
The truckie sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say.’
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I don't know if this will pass mods, but I'm definitely watching
- Feb 24, 2015
- 23,272
- 39,321
I was 5 alsoMines 5...
I'm not sure what that means... do you get 4 points if you were arrested 4 times... ?
I’ve swam naked but am not skinny
Ok, because you folks have shared, I’m a 3, but I’m hoping to sky dive some day.
I might be cheating if I count helping my kids get autographs from Star Hockey Players and Scott Oake as meeting a celebrity.
He was so surprised when we asked him to sign our Canucks flag as he was entering the building. He said, “Really, me!” With that characteristic self deprecating chuckle.
I said, “Of course, “Mr. Oake, you help make these players and coaches relatable to us in the After Hours interviews. Some day I hope you take the reigns over from Ron. I think you can do it.”
Sorry, got off on a tangent there.
Here’s some funny ones to make up for it
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ryerockarola
Registered User
- Nov 20, 2011
- 6,000
- 7,586
HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore.
I mean, do you think he’s met someone else???
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
We lost the football game. Tired. Got a shag though.
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore.
I mean, do you think he’s met someone else???
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
We lost the football game. Tired. Got a shag though.
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