Health Issues

[Ceremony]

Praying for you and yours James

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

All of my health issue`s have suddenly cleared up. It turn`s out it was just a Cold. I would like to thank everyone for there Prayer`s during this difficult time. Unfortunably i spent all my Saving`s on Medical William`s and now i have to Re-enter the work force at the age of 99. My 23 year old girlfriend Candy Jackson is threatening to leave me if I don`t get my Money back up. So if anyone has any suggestion`s for employment, i am all ear`s. I am thinking maybe a Walmart greeter. I have not worked since I Clipped Jim Nantz`s toenail`s for 50 grand a year.

 

[Jacob]

The Michael Jordan of age gap relationships.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

STFU

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am having a little bit of trouble finding Enployment. They placed me on the Do not hire list after i was fired from Clipping Jim Nantz`s toenail`s, there was a little bit of an incident. I was at his house one day and he ripped the most incredible fart, it was like a Buzz saw for 10 second`s flat. He has a beautiful scent. So i decided to one up him and take a dump in the middle of his new $10,000 carpet. I did not know that would cost me my career. So now i am thinking of becoming a Intergalactic Space Ranger. My buddy Cackle Crisp said i can use his rocket ship, where would we be without our loved one`s.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am now faking Lime`s disease 2 guilt my 23 year old girlfriend Candy Jackson into staying with me. I can keep this charade going for Year`s if need-be.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Get a f***ing life, loser

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am in the process of Passing away. 99 Beautiful year`s. Here is a look at the Life of Crick in Numeral`s:

389: Meal`s at Applebee`s
2334: Chicken finger`s Consumed at Applebee`s
70: Screaming match`s with the Wive at Applebee`s
1,089,350: Calorable`s consumed at Applebee`s
0: Dollar`s tipped at Applebee`s

 

[H3ckt1k]

:coyotes2:coyotes2:coyotes2:coyotes2:coyotes2:coyotes2

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

The saddest part about me passing away. Is how beautiful I am. I am still a scorching hot p*ece of ass at the age of 99. I have done some modeling work very Recently. Whereas most of u are ugly as Hell. So remember I will still look better then your Busted ass`s even when i am a Rotting corpse. Let that Sink in.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

Desperate time`s call for Desperate measure`s. I still cannot find Enployment. My 23 year old Girlfriend Candy Jackson gave me a ultimatum. If i don`t get my Cash up in one week she will leave me. My only option is 2 sell my collection of Jim Nantz`s toenail`s. I kept all his clippin`g`s in a Jar when i Worked for him, he had no idea. I was going to pass these nail`s on to my Grandkid`s but they`re going up on the Web now. These nail`s are priceless, I see a trip to Arby`s in the future.

 

[FLAMESFAN]

I just came across this guys posts, I laughed - not gonna lie!

 

[Andre Palot]

This thread should be pegged for a Hall of Fame.

Jiminy are you still with us?

 

[McGarnagle]

I just came across this guys posts, I laughed - not gonna lie!

It's incredibly dumb, but part of me is impressed by the commitment to the bit on a dying subsection of a message board.

 

[DFWGrapher]

I feel your pain. I'm in year 14 of my battle with the 48-Year Creepin' Jesus.

The saddest part about me passing away. Is how beautiful I am. I am still a scorching hot p*ece of ass at the age of 99. I have done some modeling work very Recently. Whereas most of u are ugly as Hell. So remember I will still look better then your Busted ass`s even when i am a Rotting corpse. Let that Sink in.

Am I the only one who find it hilarious that "piece" is that is censored?

 

[HisIceness]

It's incredibly dumb, but part of me is impressed by the commitment to the bit on a dying subsection of a message board.

He's been doing it for 10 years too. Most "stchiks" on this message board last a year at most. It'd be one thing if he was doing this at 16 or something but he's ten years older and you have to assume he's an adult now. Would be sad, but some people never truly grow up.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am a Senior Citizen. How the hell am i suppose to pay my Bill`s. I have been cutting my Medication`s in half to save money. They say it is just as effective that way anyway, they just make u take the whole pill so they can line there pocket`s. But it is a damn shame the way Senior`s are treated in this country. I am thinking about getting back in the foot game, $5 for a Picture, $50 for a Whiff, $100 for a Lick. I believe that even at the age of 99 I could pull in some Serious money. These Dog`s still have some life left in them.

 

[Idiot Stick]

gobbless hoss

 

[Conrad McBenis]

I want to be the first to say that I am glad you're better now Jiminy, I was incredibly concerned. Was it in part switching back to the Wendables diet maybe?

I am just happy that you will get to see LeBringle JimJam carry the flag for the US athletes in Paris!

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I have been struggling with my Weight lately. So I think it is time to get another Gastric Sleeve. I lost about 70 pound`s last time and then gained it all Back. So my doctor say`s u can alway`s get another Sleeve. And this is no Quack doctor, this is the number 1 Doctor in Beverly Hill`s. Witch i paid for with welfare by the way. But there is no limit to the number of Sleeve`s u can get. I am thinking about getting a maintenance Sleeve every 6 month`s to stay in shape & then i can eat watever i want. They say Ozempic is Safe & Effective, But i would rather just go with the Tried & True Gastric Sleeve.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

They say that Ab`s are made in the Kitchen. I would tend to Disagree. I believe they are made in the Operating room with the Gastric Sleeve surgery. I have just receive`d my 2nd Sleeve and the Pound`s are already melting away. I am in the Fat burning zone right now. And when I inevitably Blimp back up over 450 lb`s, I will simply get another sleeve. Gosh Bless the Gastric Sleeve.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

The Best part about the Gastric Sleeve. Is that it does all the work for u. U simply eat the fewd, Lose the weight. And it is much better then Oprah`s new Ozempic product. I believe those drug`s are just another scam to line Oprah`s pocket`s. And they are loaded with Dangerous side effect`s. The Sleeve has been performed Safely for many year`s, it is Time tested. And when I lose all this weight I am going 2 get a skin removal surgery. Then when I blow back up again I will simply get another Sleeve & Remove the extra skin again. U can keep growing and cutting ur skin as many time`s as u want, I am actually going 2 refinish all of my leather furniture with my own skin. And eventually I may start my own furniture line if anyone want`s a piece of the action. We will see how much skin I can harvest. But it all begin`s with the Gastric Sleeve.