Lust for Life
Registered User
- Jun 30, 2018
- 949
- 1,297
To the Pittsburgh Penguins Organization,
I am writing to you today as a loyal, passionate, and utterly exasperated fan. A fan who has cheered through the highest of highs, suffered through the lowest of lows, and currently finds themselves in a very peculiar predicament:
I need you to lose.
Not forever, not even for very long—just enough to secure a better draft pick. You see, I, like many rational and forward-thinking fans, have accepted that this season is not the one. And that’s okay! But what’s not okay is watching you all suddenly play like a team fighting for Lord Stanley when we all know the smart play here is to, well... not do that.
You had one job: gracefully embrace the tank. Instead, you’ve decided to win just enough games to land in the dreaded middle ground—too good for a high pick, too bad for a playoff run. Do you like purgatory? Because that’s where we’re heading.
Sid, Geno, Tanger—I love you all. You’ve given me more joy than I deserve as a fan. But I beg you, for the sake of the future, maybe take a few nights off? Accidentally pass the puck to the other team? Let the goalie experiment with new and exciting ways to not stop the puck? These are merely suggestions, but I feel they’re in everyone’s best interest.
In conclusion, please reconsider this whole “winning” thing. It’s very upsetting. I want to be mad at you, but you keep making it hard. You’re playing with my emotions, and frankly, I do not appreciate it.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Penguins Fan Who Is Trying to Think Long-Term
