[READER WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS UNCHARACTERISTIC PROFANITY AS BEFITS A MAN LOSING HIS MIND. PLEASE DON'T THINK LESS OF ME. CAUTION IS ADVISED.]
"We invite the Buffalo Sabres to make their next pick," Gary Bettman announces. Time passes.
"Again, Buffalo is on ..."
"I heard you, Gary," says a voice from utter darkness. "But, what ... what does it matter? We're in the f***ing fourth round. Do you know how low the chances of this pick are to even play a single f****ing NHL game??!"
"Kevyn, Kevyn, you have to calm down."
"CALM DOWN??!?!! Would YOU 'calm down' if you had been the General Manager for 5 years in Buffalo? I mean, we haven't been to the playoffs in 14 f***ing years. 14!! years!! I draft 1st overall? Doesn't matter. I make 11 picks in 2022? Who cares? What does it matter whose name I say right now? Honestly. Who gives a flying s***?"
"It will be okay, Kevyn. The league will get you help. We just need a selection now, okay?"
"Fine, fine, whatever. Give me ... uhh, Harry. Yeah, there's an old-fashioned name around the time the Sabres were actually competitive. You don't hear Harry anymore on NHL broadcasts, like Corey or Travis or Connor. Screw that. Give me a Harry."
"We can't just go with one name, Kevyn. What is the full name?"
"SHUT UP, NANCY!! I SWEAR I'LL ..." [CLICK] The feed from Buffalo goes dead.
"Mr. Bettman, this is Central Control. There is a Harry Nansi eligible for the draft."
"Perfect, Buffalo takes Harry Nansi. From where?"
"Owen Sound in the Ontario Hockey League."
"Make it happen. And send a wellness check team to Kevyn's home."
New York Rangers
@uncleben is on the clock.