Turning this team around isn't going to be easy. We need to really use about all our resources and think outside the box. Is there furniture at PNC arena we could sell? Do any of the players have useful non-hockey skills? Any chance of changing the objective of fhe sport of hockey? C'mon folks, we need something fresh here.
Thinking outside the box. Hmm.
A collective reading of an adaptation of Waiting For Godot, called Waiting for Goalie, in which different characters are voiced by different sections of the crowd. The part of Ronnie will be played by everyone in Section 328; Rod, Section 333; others by random shouting through megaphones.
* * * * *
Ronnie, sitting on a bench, is trying to take off his skate. He pulls at it with both hands, panting.
He gives up, exhausted, rests, tries again.
As before.
Enter Rod.
RONNIE:
(giving up again). Nothing to be done.
ROD:
(advancing with short, stiff strides, legs wide apart). I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All my life I've tried to put it from me, saying Rod, be reasonable, you haven't yet tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. (He broods, musing on the struggle. Turning to Ronnie.) So there you are again.
RONNIE:
Am I?
ROD:
I'm glad to see you back. I thought you were gone forever.
RONNIE:
Me too.
ROD:
Together again at last! We'll have to celebrate this. But how? (He reflects.) Get up till I embrace you.
RONNIE:
(irritably). Not now, not now.
ROD:
(hurt, coldly). May one inquire where His Highness spent the night?
RONNIE:
In a sports bar.
ROD:
(admiringly). A sports bar! Where?
RONNIE:
(without gesture). Over there.
ROD:
And they didn't beat you?
RONNIE:
Beat me? Certainly they beat me.
ROD:
The same lot as usual?
RONNIE:
The same? I don't know.
* * * * *
Later:
RONNIE:
Charming spot. (He turns, advances to front, halts facing auditorium.) Inspiring prospects. (He turns to ROD.) Let's go.
ROD:
We can't.
RONNIE:
Why not?
ROD:
We're waiting for a goalie.
RONNIE:
(despairingly). Ah! (Pause.) You're sure it was here?
ROD:
What?
RONNIE:
That we were to wait.
ROD:
He said by the fax machine.
* * * * *
Still later:
RONNIE:
A—. What are you insinuating? That we've come to the wrong place?
ROD:
He should be here.
RONNIE:
He didn't say for sure he'd come.
ROD:
And if he doesn't come?
RONNIE:
We'll come back tomorrow.
ROD:
And then the day after tomorrow.
RONNIE:
Possibly.
ROD:
And so on.
RONNIE:
The point is—
ROD:
Until he comes.
RONNIE:
You're merciless.
ROD:
We came here yesterday.
RONNIE:
Ah no, there you're mistaken.
ROD:
What did we do yesterday?
RONNIE:
What did we do yesterday?
ROD:
Yes.
RONNIE:
Why . . . (Angrily.) Nothing is certain when you're about.
ROD:
In my opinion we were here.
RONNIE:
(looking round). You recognize the place?
ROD:
I didn't say that.
RONNIE:
Well?
ROD:
That makes no difference.